I dont want it to end

[Slathgarner]

We have been together for 6 years and havr a 4 year old son. We started talking last week about how she isn't happy. Ill just tell the things ive done wrong over time. I get upset about money, like a broken cell phone. She says she doesnt want to tell me about thins because she is affraid id be mad at her. Im also a big know it all and rarely apologize even when im wrong. She says she doesnt know if she wants to stay together. Im giving her alittle time to think, and hopefully we can come to some way to fix our relationship. Right now im just tryinto say and do the right things to show i care and not make anything worse. My son is my world and i dont want to lose him either. What to do

[KBarletta]

Honestly, based solely on what you have shared this doesn't sound like it's worth breaking up a family over. That said, your wife likely sees things differently than you do and her version of your problems would probably be different.

 

I would not put any pressure on her. Instead, focus on changing what you can change about yourself to become a better partner. I would suggest couple's counseling and/or individual counseling for you and her. It can work wonders if both of you are committed to it.

 

There are a lot of relationships that hit a rut at the 6-7 year mark. The issues you've shared don't sound insurmountable, especially because you've already admitted your part and a willingness to change.

 

I wish you luck.

[Clueless53]

I feel your pain brother, I'm in the same spot. Married 8 years, together a total of 11, 2 kids. Like you I also realize its my fault, not 100% but at least 90%, and I'm pretty sure that makes it even harder. My wife has also asked me for space which I am trying my best to provide, I'm sure you'll agree its pretty hard.

 

Just to give some advice based on my screw ups so far:

I realized that my W hadn't felt loved in a long time, unfortunetly to attempt to make up for it I was way over the top and romantic and it totally back fired. Don't try to push things onto your wife. Date nights are the time for romance, not every opportunity we think we are presented with. Try to give her as much space as you can. I know its hard with children, my W and I speak everyday, but not about us. Don't send her texts or emails telling you that you miss her and love her, I made that mistake too. They know we love them, the problem is we have hurt them so often and for so long that they just don't have the energy to express or receive emotions. She needs to figure things out. My W has told me she wants us to work but doesn't know if it can. She is afraid of me promising the world and then going back to how it was and doesn't know if she can handle any additional emotional stress that would cause. We can't just tell them we are going to change, we have to show them.

 

You've already made the first step in acknowledging your flaws, now work on them and let her see the progress.

 

When she talks to you don't just listen, hear her. When my W would tell me that I upset her I always took it as an attack/argument. Like an idiot and I would just tell her why she was wrong for feeling that way. Now I know she was just reaching out for my help.

 

I hope the best for you, I know it sucks and its hard but hang in there. Don't get frustrated when you mess up, its gonna happen, just learn from the mistake. Focus on giving her space and time to think, listen to her needs, support her when she needs it, and take thing one day at a time. There will be good days and bad days. Don't rush anything, don't pressure her, everything will come in time.