Sunfl0werGirl Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 my husband and I have been together for 22 years. In that time, he's had several emotional affairs that I know about, and probably more that I dont. A year ago I was going to leave him over his latest affair, but he begged for one last chance. I thought we were working hard. Turns out *I* was working hard... One of his current OW outted him 3 weeks ago. She was actually angry with me because he was ya know, being a husband. What a whack-job... The first week was rough. The 3rd day, I retained my attorney, and within 5 days, had filed the petition. I was infuriated, bowled-over, devastated, the gamut. But now? Now that I'm 3 weeks in? I have a peace about the whole thing. He's been working away from home for 3 years, so day-to-day life hasn't really changed for either the kids or myself. I still think the OW is a whack-job (as well as a ho, obviously, since she doesn't understand what vows mean), but I've forgiven my husband. He feels a great deal of shame. He's trying to be as cooperative and fair as possible for the divorce proceedings. I honestly don't care what he does, (though I think he CAN do better than the psycho.). In fact, I find myself wishing him well and have told him as much. I am looking forward to starting over. Can it really be this easy?? Arent I supposed to be grieving the loss of my marriage? The loss of my best friend?? Aren't I supposed to need a year or something in order to heal?? Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I separated six months ago, after being married 20 years, together 22 years (no kids.) I am so much happier, more relaxed and my health has improved. Money is tight, I live in a small apartment, yet I am so thrilled with it, and my little life with my cat and new dog. I do not feel any hatred toward my husband, but had not realized until I left (at his request) how stressed and unhappy I was. My husband had been both depressed and in a mid-life crisis for a few years, and we barely spoke and never communicated in any real way. He hated his job, hated how his life turned out, and had gotten it into his head somehow that I was cheating (which is beyond ridiculous; I am disabled, seldom leave the house, barely drive, take pain meds, hobble around with a cane, etc.) but he was convinced or said he was. I have no idea if he was delusional or just wanted a reason to ask me to leave. Whatever the case, I was out four days later. I have never regretted it, except for the basic regret of a failed longterm marriage. I have not seen or spoken to him since, just exchange some friendly emails as needed about the house or whatever. Anyway...maybe in your case you were much more anxious to be away from the situation than you even knew. You may, like me, be feeling the relief of running your own life, being on your own, etc...if so, enjoy it. I hate to think about the years I spent being so miserable. That is my only real regret. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 It is easy for oyu because he never was your best friend and you knew. It took a lot of time but in the end having crazy OWs around you was finally the last thing to finally get out of a terrible "marriage" with a cheating scum of man. But please, honestly, don't give him another chance. You should have left after affair #2. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 my husband and I have been together for 22 years. In that time, he's had several emotional affairs that I know about, and probably more that I dont. A year ago I was going to leave him over his latest affair, but he begged for one last chance. I thought we were working hard. Turns out *I* was working hard... One of his current OW outted him 3 weeks ago. She was actually angry with me because he was ya know, being a husband. What a whack-job... The first week was rough. The 3rd day, I retained my attorney, and within 5 days, had filed the petition. I was infuriated, bowled-over, devastated, the gamut. But now? Now that I'm 3 weeks in? I have a peace about the whole thing. He's been working away from home for 3 years, so day-to-day life hasn't really changed for either the kids or myself. I still think the OW is a whack-job (as well as a ho, obviously, since she doesn't understand what vows mean), but I've forgiven my husband. He feels a great deal of shame. He's trying to be as cooperative and fair as possible for the divorce proceedings. I honestly don't care what he does, (though I think he CAN do better than the psycho.). In fact, I find myself wishing him well and have told him as much. I am looking forward to starting over. Can it really be this easy?? Arent I supposed to be grieving the loss of my marriage? The loss of my best friend?? Aren't I supposed to need a year or something in order to heal?? He's hurt you enough that you probably had enough. Seems you're handling this well and that's a good thing!! Sure maybe it'll hit you on and off at times, but if you aren't that sad anymore it means you were ready to walk away.. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 my husband and I have been together for 22 years. In that time, he's had several emotional affairs that I know about, and probably more that I dont. A year ago I was going to leave him over his latest affair, but he begged for one last chance. I thought we were working hard. Turns out *I* was working hard... One of his current OW outted him 3 weeks ago. With this marital history, I'd guess you've already done much of your grieving in stages and over time. Maybe that's the only good thing about a serial WS, you're a little more detached with each revelation... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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