bamawsp Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 She was particularly angry last night and even this morning. I filed for divorce to get some closure for myself and my children. She continues to deny she is emotionally if not physically involved with her AP and just calls him "a guy I work with" Yet, he is the first person she talks to in the morning(via fb messenger) and the last one before going to sleep as well. She was even communicating with him while we were all out of town for a kid's sporting event. With divorce being what she has told me she has wanted for years, why the anger and hostility? It is perplexing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 "I filed for divorce " <---- This is why. Huge blow to her ego. How dare you not be able to live without her? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
DSP Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 What DivorcedDad stated. It's also about control and having a landing pad when/if it all fails. Even though she doesn't want to be with you and states that she is ready for a divorce it's a subconscious issue with control of her life. I can only speculate, but in her mind she was going to discard you if her affair went stellar and there was nothing but upsides to doing so. If it failed or there was a hint of failure or something she did not like she had you to come back to. That affair would have continued for years as long as it went well and if you never found out about it. It's selfish and sad especially when children are involved, but it's their reality. I was warned more than once that her anger and her responses were going to get worse before it got better so be prepared for that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 You need to learn to not give 2 short ships what she thinks. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 She was particularly angry last night and even this morning. I filed for divorce to get some closure for myself and my children. She continues to deny she is emotionally if not physically involved with her AP and just calls him "a guy I work with" Yet, he is the first person she talks to in the morning(via fb messenger) and the last one before going to sleep as well. She was even communicating with him while we were all out of town for a kid's sporting event. With divorce being what she has told me she has wanted for years, why the anger and hostility? It is perplexing to me. Part of her probably realizes what she is losing and even though another part of her is involved with her AP, that part of her that knows what she's lost and why is probably angry, and even though the anger is probably at herself as much as anyone, it comes out in the form of anger toward you because that way she can feel better about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Auspecial Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 She was particularly angry last night and even this morning. I filed for divorce to get some closure for myself and my children. She continues to deny she is emotionally if not physically involved with her AP and just calls him "a guy I work with" Yet, he is the first person she talks to in the morning(via fb messenger) and the last one before going to sleep as well. She was even communicating with him while we were all out of town for a kid's sporting event. With divorce being what she has told me she has wanted for years, why the anger and hostility? It is perplexing to me. She feels entitled to whatever she wants. She was hoping to have both men at her beck and call. She was telling you she wanted a divorce all those years to try to make you feel bad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted March 31, 2015 Share Posted March 31, 2015 You need to learn to not give 2 short ships what she thinks. I agree. You already know she is a liar and a cheat so don't be surprised at anything she does. Ignore her and keep moving forward with your life. The more you ignore her the angrier she'll be. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You need to learn to not give 2 short ships what she thinks. I agree. If you divorce because you want to be out of an unhealthy or undesirable relationship, then the divorce will be a necessary chore with a light at the end of the tunnel. But if you divorce to punish or one-up her, then the divorce process will be very painful to you. It will be your personal pain and interpersonal fights, drawn out to monstrous proportions, dragged out in court. Every response from her will feel like a blow. Try not to do that to yourself. I think it would be very painful to be in a relationship that you thought the other person wanted out of for a long time. If you are angry with her or yourself, that is totally understandable and I'd expect it. Sort out those feelings. Can you deal with the past through any kind of counseling or self-therapy? As for the divorce, keep your eyes on the prize: Being out of an unhappy relationship-- not matter what the other person feels about the divorce process. The divorce is for posterity. It's for the you that'll be around five years from now. If you want her to feel or react a certain way, there's a high likelihood that you are either afraid of her or angry with her. Both those things (while perfectly normal) would make you dependent on her. Work on detaching from the relationship. Hint: Detachment does not have to be "cold" or hateful. Sometimes cold is all a person can muster, and that's still better than staying entangled. Best of luck, keep posting. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You need to learn to not give 2 short ships what she thinks. Yup ^^^^^^^^^ That is what divorce is. It's not caring what someone thinks, how they feel, what they do, how they live or what they had for supper last Tuesday. All you need to care about post divorce is if she is holding up her end of the custody agreement in dealing with the children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 It's a cheater panic reaction. In an episode of Steve Wilkos it was also portrayed perfectly - the polygraph test had shown that a woman had indeed cheated. The man immediately walked out, and the next 3 minutes there are scenes in which she jumps from "It was just once" to "I never cheated on you". Needless to say, there isn't much logic behind this behavior, it's pure damage control and gas lighting, even if it has no effect anymore. Lieing and denying is all a cheater can do to defend him or herself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 She's angry about the position she's put herself in, but being unable to accept responsibility for it, she is projecting it onto you. Water. Duck's back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 You need to learn to not give 2 short ships what she thinks. short ships.....hahaha British expression? Love i! OP, ignore your wife. She doesn't like it that you have the guts to do it. She probably thought you would just fall at her feet. My XH is still mad 3 1/2 years later. He cheated...I think he just didn't like being the one who made the decision. Nuts, I think. I don't care why and you won't either. You just wait and see....it's true. Oh, and the denial. I had it in black and white and the stupid, stupid man kept telling me that I was crazy and making it up. Stupid is as stupid does; so says Forest Gump and I. Best of luck. Good times ahead. You'll see. Link to post Share on other sites
lgspot Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 She was particularly angry last night and even this morning. I filed for divorce to get some closure for myself and my children. She continues to deny she is emotionally if not physically involved with her AP and just calls him "a guy I work with" Yet, he is the first person she talks to in the morning(via fb messenger) and the last one before going to sleep as well. She was even communicating with him while we were all out of town for a kid's sporting event. With divorce being what she has told me she has wanted for years, why the anger and hostility? It is perplexing to me. She's mad because she was exposed. It's your fault you caught her. Doesn't matter what she said she wanted--you're the bad guy At separation, the madder my ex got---the calmer I got (outward appearance). Pi$$ed her off the angrier she got the calmer I projected. It became almost comical to watch her fighting when no one was fighting with her. A good friend, who was also a psychiatrist, suggested it. His words to me were "PARADOX" her. It'll drive her f***ing nuts. Then when she exhausts herself she'll be a bit more reasonable. Pretty much worked. Try to maintain calm in your world----when there is a storm in hers. Even if you're in the same room. Good luck. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 She may also realize that she's about to lose her "boogeyman", and that without you to rage against, she will finally see the OM for what he really is. That greener grass has already begun to wilt and brown. Without you, her A excitement with the OM will fade fast and she knows this. How dare you want to move on and find happiness! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Without you, her A excitement with the OM will fade fast and she knows this. Yup. Without marriage, there is no affair. Without the safety and comfort and home and family of marriage, there is no exciting and secretive lust and passion of an illicit affair. Without marriage all it is is getting screwed by some pothead at work. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 She came home guns blazing last night over some text messages my MIL sent my oldest kid. STBXW is using the kids as human shields in one final blaze of glory because her parents had the audacity to NOT fund her divorce due to her affair. Highlight from the rant: 1. Referring to my children's grandmother with the c word that rhymes with runt in front of my children. 2. Claiming I had won and I could take the children for good (also in front of the children) 3. Telling my oldest kid that the text messages my MIL sent to her would keep me away from them forever. (That especially didn't set well and the kids went crazy) 4. Discovering I had been recording the entire rant and deciding to make even more threats making herself look even more crazy. Her AP was telling her what to say from his rundown basic one bedroom apartment as the rant unfolded. I immediately uploaded the recordings and notified my attorney. I'm not going to tolerate this much longer. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Seems like she's trying to get you mad so that you take a swing at her. Then she can call the cops and get you removed from the house. Just don't take the bait. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Get the recording to your attorney ASAP. A restraining order might be in order now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Don't count out the in-laws just yet. Blood is thicker than...well,you! Part of the reason she's angry is that she feels trapped,with nobody to fund her defense. If someone gives her the money for an atty,watch how fast she'll turn around and things change. Keep your guard up,but stay calm. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Get the recording to your attorney ASAP. A restraining order might be in order now. "Might"? The AP has outed himself as a threat to the kids. He can get the restraining order right away. Your wife really didn't know how to help herself, did she? Good for her relationship with OM though, types like him can't stand the presence of kids for long. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 I still don't believe the parents will help. They know her just as good as myself and they know she is breaking because she is having to be accountable for the first time in her life. They have bailed her out repeatedly throughout her life. She tried to bait me last night no doubt. However, realizing I had recording was a gamechanger. I've literally been holding my phone the last month and recording everything. She thought I was just protecting my phone. I'm going to get a couple of VAR's today. She won't have a clue. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 They have bailed her out repeatedly throughout her life. And this time will be different because? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Please take you kids right out of the room first, before you two carry on like idiots. Poor kids. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted April 1, 2015 Share Posted April 1, 2015 Please take you kids right out of the room first, before you two carry on like idiots. Poor kids. ^^ She's become verbally and emotionally abusive. You still share a home? It sounds like the environment in the home has become extremely toxic. I think you and your children need to get away from that as soon as possible. You have filed for divorce. Are you seeking full custody? Joint custody? Do you have a co-parenting agreement? I think the sooner you and your wife stop spending time together the sooner she will stop this toxic, erratic behavior and stop being confrontational and inappropriate in front of your children. I think separating physically is job 1. Seeking a restraining order is 1A. I would get out of the home, make your children your top priority right now and move on with your life. The only contact I'd have with STBXW would be regarding your children and whatever you need to do to get the divorce over and done with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author bamawsp Posted April 1, 2015 Author Share Posted April 1, 2015 I filed two weeks ago. She went off on the kids as well last night. Sunday night was brutal as well. My attorney has the recordings and he asked for a detailed timeline in an e-mail. It is her and her AP against the world...... Link to post Share on other sites
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