Trial Seperation

[slipperyskink]

Me and my wife have been married since 2009. We have two beautiful kids. A girl aged 4 and a boy aged 2. I was a bit silly over the years and I racked up a debt of £7.000. I have had a major operation in 2013. My wife was going to leave me but due to the operation she stayed with me. Things haven't been right since. She is never happy with me. She never smiles with me. We never have sex as she said she still hurts from having our son then she just said she doesn't want it/like it. We have friendly neighbours. We are more like friends than neighbours. We would all do anything for each other. Our neighbour Mark. Would ring us both. It was ok to start with. He was going through a rough time with his wife. He has been ringing and texting my wife everyday. She would be happy when she speaks to him. He split up from his wife and moved to stay with his friend. I haven't heard from him but my wife speaks to him every day. I fear there is something going on between them. I have just recently discovered she has got a new Vibrator. She has been very secretive with her phone and talking to people. She now closes the bedroom door when she goes to bed. She never used to. I have tried to listen through the bedroom door to hear who she is talking to. I can hear her talking but can't make out what she is saying. I now fear she maybe having cyber sex with our neighbour. My wife made it clear to me she doesn't want sex. She doesn't like sex and she said years ago she would never pleasure herself as it is disgusting. How can I catch her out? We have agreed to have a trial separation but still live together. I am worried this may give her a hall pass to see who she wants without the obligation of being tied to me, which I think has been a plan of hers for a while.

Please give me advise on this matter.

[oldshirt]

Me and my wife have been married since 2009. We have two beautiful kids. A girl aged 4 and a boy aged 2.

 

first a question - was this an arranged marriage and did she ever sexually desire you and have an attraction for you? Very important question, please answer.

 

 

 

I was a bit silly over the years and I racked up a debt of £7.000. I have had a major operation in 2013.

 

she lost all attraction for you because you were immature and irresponsible with your obligations to provide for the family and that you were sick and weak and she had to take care of you.

 

 

My wife was going to leave me but due to the operation she stayed with me.

 

she stayed out of obligation to take care you the same as people feel obligated to take care of a baby bird that has fallen out of its nest. That was nice of her but women do not sexually desire helpless baby birds. They desire strong, virile men that have their act together and have high social/ economic status and resources to take care of them and their children

 

Things haven't been right since. She is never happy with me. She never smiles with me.

 

 

and she won't untill you are strong and a good provider with solid socio/economic status.

 

We never have sex as she said she still hurts from having our son then she just said she doesn't want it/like it.

 

correction - she does not like sex with YOU. Many husbands who's wives have fallen in love with other men believe that their wives are cold and uninterested in sex. The women may even believe that themselves untill they meet a man who sparks their desire.

 

 

We have friendly neighbours. We are more like friends than neighbours. We would all do anything for each other. Our neighbour Mark. Would ring us both. It was ok to start with. He was going through a rough time with his wife. He has been ringing and texting my wife everyday. She would be happy when she speaks to him.

 

she has found that man that sparks her desire.

 

 

He split up from his wife and moved to stay with his friend. I haven't heard from him but my wife speaks to him every day.

 

it's called an affair.

 

I fear there is something going on between them.

 

 

your fear is correct

 

I have just recently discovered she has got a new Vibrator.

 

she still has sexual needs and desires. Just not for you :-(

 

 

She has been very secretive with her phone and talking to people.

 

correction- she has been talking to him. We call that an OM which is short for "other man"

 

 

 

 

She now closes the bedroom door when she goes to bed. She never used to. I have tried to listen through the bedroom door to hear who she is talking to. I can hear her talking but can't make out what she is saying. I now fear she maybe having cyber sex with our neighbour.

 

 

she is. There is an extremely high likelihood that they are having real sex in real life too.

 

 

 

My wife made it clear to me she doesn't want sex. She doesn't like sex and she said years ago she would never pleasure herself as it is disgusting.

 

 

once again to clarify. She doesn't like sex with you and doesn't want to talk about it with you. She is all over him.

 

 

How can I catch her out?

 

 

that's very easy as she isn't even trying to hide it very much. You come through the door, catch her with the vibrator up her pootinanny and yank the phone out of her other hand and say, "hi Mark, whatcha got in your hand?"

 

 

We have agreed to have a trial separation but still live together.

 

 

what that means is she has free access to develop her relationship with him while you pay for everything. We call that a Chump.

 

I am worried this may give her a hall pass to see who she wants without the obligation of being tied to me, which I think has been a plan of hers for a while.

 

 

 

see, you aren't so naive after all.

 

 

Please give me advise on this matter.

 

 

the first step is always realizing there's a problem. You must accept that she is no longer attracted to you. No longer in love with you. And is in love with attracted to and having sex with another man.

 

 

Assuming this post is legit, I'll address a few things. If it's not legit, it will provide some good background information for someone who is going through similar circumstances in real life.

 

Almost everything you have said is textbook so I'll break it down for you point by point in bold above.

Edited March 5, 2015 by oldshirt

[Satu]

You shouldn't be living together.

 

It will bring out the worst in both of you.

 

Move out, get your own place however humble, and pay off your debts.

 

Be the best father you can be.

 

Your marriage is over.

 

Accept it.

[Mr. Lucky]

We have agreed to have a trial separation but still live together .

 

What is the purpose of the trial separation?

 

I don't know if she's fallen for someone else but it's pretty clear she doesn't love you. If she won't do MC or other positive steps, time to take her at her word and start divorce proceedings...

 

Mr. Lucky