SuzieK Posted November 10, 2004 Share Posted November 10, 2004 My BF and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and he has 2 children. I haven't met them yet. The situation is this: We started dating shortly after he split from his wife of 5 years (they had been together for 13). It was a casual relationship for awhile then we started to get more serious. I would ask to go out for lunch or to the playground with him and his kids but he always brushed me off. He and his ex see each other everyday; he goes over in the morning to watch the kids at her house and he visits on the weekend. They get along and are friends which makes his life much easier; but kills me inside. Every holiday he stays overnight to see the kids first thing in the morning and goes to all the family dinners with her and her family (he's not in touch with his own family). I know that he will not get back together with her but it bothers me that they are still close. Will I ever see him on a holiday??? He told me to be patient and the time will come; I've been waiting for over a year now. He says that it would make her very jealous and vindictive if she heard my name coming from those kids. He said to wait until she got a boyfriend and maybe that guy will have contact with the kids so then I can too. What if she never wants another guy in her life again. Why would she.... she has him to go to all the family functions and holidays. We do care about each other but I just feel like I'm being pushed aside. I can understand when there are small children involved; don't get them confused with BF/GF coming and going. But when is it time to get involved with the kids. I'm not asking for custody... just a happy meal!! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 While she is the mother of his children, you are the woman he's in a relationship with. Introducing you as a friend of "Daddy's" wouldn't confuse the children that much (in my opinion). Keeping the relationship quiet is understandable and I assume you would have no problems with that (as far as the kids are concerned). He needs to understand that he is divorced from his wife and, while she deserves his consideration and respect, he is not responsible for shielding her from the truth. The longer he continues this type of behavior with her, if indeed she is vindictive, the more control she has over him. He needs to take control of this situation and behave like a mature adult. You are just as worthy of his consideration and respect as she is. Wouldn't you say? Link to post Share on other sites
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 drop him. You are not important enough to him. Of course his kids come first, but his ex-wife and her family should not come before you if you were that important to him. Link to post Share on other sites
SuzieK Posted November 11, 2004 Share Posted November 11, 2004 Thanks for the advice. Unfortunately he has a closer relationship with her family and treats them like his own. He isn't close with his family at all and her mother is very much his mother. He enjoys going over for functions and holidays because of the kids and her mom. I understand being close to someone else's mom and being there for the kids but it still makes me feel like I'm number 3 or 4 in line. I really care about him and we are best friends but I really don't know how much longer to wait to be a part of his family. I don't want to lose him but I know that there are much better people out there. I'm so torn. He keeps saying to be patient and one day everything will change. I can't tell him not to go over can I? He wants to be there for the kids and doesn't want to miss out on their good time. Oh I'm so confused.... Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted November 12, 2004 Share Posted November 12, 2004 You are number 3 or 4 in line. You may not be able to tell him what to do and who to see, but you have every right to expect to share his life if you are important to him. Why would his wife be jealous and vindictive? Why does her attitude control his behaviour? Whatever it is, she and her family have a hold on him and his life to the extent that you feel there isn't room for you. I'd set out your expectations clearly, back off for a while and be prepared to make some decisions about whether you will be happy in this relationship if he is not prepared to compromise. Link to post Share on other sites
stormywind Posted November 13, 2004 Share Posted November 13, 2004 I dated a guy last year who didn't let me meet his kids. It ended after 6 months--he called it quits when I wanted something more meaningful than what we were having. It shows they aren't serious. I would drop him. Link to post Share on other sites
Charlane Posted November 20, 2004 Share Posted November 20, 2004 Originally posted by SuzieK My BF and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and he has 2 children. I haven't met them yet. The situation is this: We started dating shortly after he split from his wife of 5 years (they had been together for 13). It was a casual relationship for awhile then we started to get more serious. I would ask to go out for lunch or to the playground with him and his kids but he always brushed me off. He and his ex see each other everyday; he goes over in the morning to watch the kids at her house and he visits on the weekend. They get along and are friends which makes his life much easier; but kills me inside. Every holiday he stays overnight to see the kids first thing in the morning and goes to all the family dinners with her and her family (he's not in touch with his own family). I know that he will not get back together with her but it bothers me that they are still close. Will I ever see him on a holiday??? He told me to be patient and the time will come; I've been waiting for over a year now. He says that it would make her very jealous and vindictive if she heard my name coming from those kids. He said to wait until she got a boyfriend and maybe that guy will have contact with the kids so then I can too. What if she never wants another guy in her life again. Why would she.... she has him to go to all the family functions and holidays. We do care about each other but I just feel like I'm being pushed aside. I can understand when there are small children involved; don't get them confused with BF/GF coming and going. But when is it time to get involved with the kids. I'm not asking for custody... just a happy meal!! Thanks You answered your own question. Why put up with 2 years of limbo and instead move on with someone that is available and will treat you better. If you stick with this guy then you deserve all of the pain that you get. Save yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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