Pio Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 43, married for 23 years - 3 children. Oldest daughter about to start medical school, my other son is at U of L , and we have our youngest still at home. I'll be the first to admit we have had a rough stretch of time. My job keeps me busy, she is a full time homemaker, and we have a son with severe OCD. To top it all off our oldest has an autoimmune disease. We have hopes she can make it through med school but the reality of the situation is that she probably won't. A few years (yes, I said years) ago my wife decided she was not attracted to me or men at all. She had a relationship with a woman she met at a program she attended. To be honest , at first, I did not believe her. She has a very bible-belt background and she would (even to this day) not "come out" to her family. Eventually she decided she was full on gay, but we remained together. We originally slept in the same room but even that eventually fell apart. I think we are both too scared to actually get a divorce. I want her to be happy and at this point I fully realize she can't do that with me. At the same time I know once she does this her family will ostracize her. We were never really "friend making" people. Our families are rather large and between the cousins, nieces, nephews, uncles, etc... Well it just never seemed to make sense to worry about it. I am not going to go into detail yet on what went on, or is going on, I just wanted to vent a bit and get this out there. We have been talking about getting separate places recently. My main job is in Tampa, but we live in Lexington, KY. It isn't a stretch for me to move but honestly, I just never fell out of love with her. It sounds odd but she really allowed me to get to where I am today at work and I pretty much owe her everything. Until I spill the whole story one day that may not make much sense. As it stands right now she is in a relationship of sorts (phone) with a woman. I do not like this lady much, mostly due to her attitude on life in general. I would definitely not want her in the same room with my youngest son. I doubt she would be able to cope with his OCD. This isn't a woman issue, if it were a man with the same attitude I would feel exactly the same way. The kids do know, we are a pretty open family. We are managing the best we can. With our daughters illness she stays with us. She has a semi-apartment in the basement. As I type this I am contemplating divorce and what that would mean. Luckily we sold our home a few years ago and with us moving from Tampa to Lexington haven't purchased a new one yet. Basically waiting to determine where the job takes me. As it stands now I get to work from home and fly down once every week or two for few days. I am not worried about the money or the possessions at all. As far as I am concerned it is equally ours and will gladly split it 50/50. Well I don't fell much better but I have been random with this post. I just wanted to let some steam out and get this out there. I don't talk to the folks at the office about this or even my few close friends. It is nice to have an open forum to just spill some thought. Thanks, Stephen Link to post Share on other sites
Ralph79 Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 For the sake of better insight, I'm gonna ask a few questions on things I don't want to jump to conclusions about. A few years (yes, I said years) ago my wife decided she was not attracted to me or men at all. She had a relationship with a woman she met at a program she attended. As it stands right now she is in a relationship of sorts (phone) with a woman. Does she ever meet this woman? Has the relationship gotten physical? If she's convinced and happy about her sexuality, then she must divorce you. Marriage is a mutual commitment to each other. Gay or not, the fact that she is seeing any other person besides you, should mean the end of your marriage. You can't allow yourself to be involved and in-love with someone who will never feel that way about you the rest of your life. You deserve to be happy and corresponded in kind with it comes to love. Everyone in your family should understand that. The kids do know, we are a pretty open family. We are managing the best we can. Are you in a relationship with someone else, or have you been in the past at any point throughout your marriage? How did she came about discovering her sexuality. Were you having marital trouble during that time years ago? It's great that your family has accepted this as a whole, but if you can't trust anyone outside of your immediate family with this, then it's a severe issue. I honestly think Divorce is the best thing you can do for her and for yourself. And if you care about her well-being, as well you should, then whatever may come with her own family and her, you can volunteer to be the "bad guy" in this situation. I really don't know what to say. I can't even imagine what a difficult situation you're going through. Hope someone else has better advice or experience with something similar to share with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 25, 2015 Share Posted January 25, 2015 The kids do know, we are a pretty open family. We are managing the best we can. If your adult kids do indeed know, I'd guess their hope for Mom and Dad would be that they find happiness. Make the changes you need in order to head in that direction. What has been your wife's reasons for not pursuing a life more in line with her orientation? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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