pipsta Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Struggling a lot with my recent breakup. Some history, we've been together for 17+ years and have a 3 year old. Like everyone else we've had our ups and downs, we had a long distance relationship for a few years (over 10 years ago), so we had been able to face all problems together and try and resolve them. Fast forward to this year, my ex was working a few days a week and looking after our son. I had the opportunity to work from home four days a week so we used it allow her to get back into her career (her words). Started off great, I have a good job (still was the primary bread winner), take our son to daycare in the morning and collect him in the afternoon, give him dinners, bath him (you know all that stuff), also go to the gym etc.. She started to get a bit distant after a couple of months and was working later and later, I was left with being the primary carer for our son (still am today and love every second of it!!). Things steadily went down hill, she spent more time at work and studying on the weekends, her drinking increased when we did spend time together and talked about how stressed and busy she was at work. All came to a head when she told me she was having issues with us and didn't feel happy at home, we agreed to work on it, I went to some counseling and felt much better about myself, got a lot of insight into my problems and have been actively working on them (to much computer gaming, avoiding conflicts got my weight under control, basically started to really get myself right). She said she was going to but never made it, was to many other things to do, that really hurt I dropped everything to fix what I could of our marriage. Our relationship still went downhill until one day she said that she was moving out. Since then it has been a roller coaster ride of emotions, one day I'm fine then the next in a pit of despair. She doesn't have much support from anyone so I've helped her move and get some other odds and ends setup, we spoke about how we are going to be in the future and we want to be friends for our son's sake, but every time I see her it just sends me into a downward spiral for a couple of days, we have spoken about possible reconciliation but we both have a lot to fix with ourselves before that can happen. I'm still primarily looking after our son till she gets a car (hopefully Friday) and he starts a new daycare closer to her new place in the new year. I'll also be moving closer. We still see each other way to much as I don't want to keep our son from her and think it's very important for them both, plus it's way to easy to want to see her again. The real kicker came (and I suspected this for a while, almost wish now that I remained ignorant), I did a little snooping and found she was texting a friend about she was interested in her boss (he's a bit younger, sporty, doesn't spend most of his time looking after a child when he isn't working.......), also had a peek at some Google search history and she was looking into stuff like "I have a crush on a guy who has a girlfriend".No idea how/if anything has happened, really don't want to. I haven't and wont be confronting her on this it just tells me that I really need to move on. Due to the current situation it's very hard to go NC, will be doing it after she goes away for Xmas break to see her family, I'll be moving while she's away and we'll start equally sharing the little guys parenting in the New year, she has expressed she's a little nervous about looking after him again but I guess it comes with the territory. Anyway that's my rant, still really struggling some days I almost fall in a heap and want to beg her to come back, haven't and will not to that. Just need to get through the next couple of weeks and hope I can get some distance, as much as I hate to say it and wish differently. Anyway thanks to this place have been reading here a a couple for a couple of months has helped alot thanks guys. Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Hi Pipsta, I came here tonight to post about something that is causing me problems today, and saw your post. You and I are going through similar things. I'm sorry you are going through this. Basically, only time will heal the scars, and having to see your ex will make this take longer. Unfortunately I don't think there's much you can do about the feelings now. Not knowing how long it has been nor the dynamics of your relationship, it's difficult to give advice about reconciliation, but if she's leaving you because "somebody better" came along, that doesn't bode well at all. I wish I had an answer for you, but you have a difficult adjustment period ahead of you. I wish you the best. Keep up the self improvement regardless. I know it seems useless now, but it really is for you, and that's important. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pipsta Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 Hi Pipsta, Not knowing how long it has been nor the dynamics of your relationship, it's difficult to give advice about reconciliation, but if she's leaving you because "somebody better" came along, that doesn't bode well at all. Thanks for the kind words, has only been a few weeks since the breakup, I'm not convinced reconciliation will happen nor am I sure that I want to (ask me again in 5 and I might say differently), guess I just need some time to figure it all out. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Some history, we've been together for 17+ years and have a 3 year old. Curious as to why no marriage during such a long relationship with child involved ? Unfortunately, most of knew what was coming after "she got distant". Most women don't jump from the structure of a LTR without somewhere to land. How will you protect your rights in custody and any asset division? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author pipsta Posted December 17, 2014 Author Share Posted December 17, 2014 Curious as to why no marriage during such a long relationship with child involved ? Unfortunately, most of knew what was coming after "she got distant". Most women don't jump from the structure of a LTR without somewhere to land. How will you protect your rights in custody and any asset division? Mr. Lucky Sorry got married about 5 years ago, never really rushed into it, no reason we were both just busy. Have spoken to a lawyer, and we have agreed on a parenting plan. And have agreed on how all the assets will be broken up. Doing all that now, she hasn't been spiteful or nasty. If anything has tried to be very fair with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Unfortunately, most of knew what was coming after "she got distant". Most women don't jump from the structure of a LTR without somewhere to land. Mr. Lucky Well, that's what happened to me. My "wife" is, after much reflection, not marriage material. In other words, she was single all of her life other than our relatively short marriage and one other relatively short marriage (we're both in our 50s.) In other other words, I doubt she wants to be married at all and I feel she married me out of pressure, though I never intended that. I asked her and she agreed with doubts unknown to me. I'm sure your quote is valid for many women and is wise, but nothing is ever absolute in this world. Just sayin' Link to post Share on other sites
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