elgringo Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 My daughter is having a birthday party this weekend. My stbx is having the party near her parents and her side of the family will be there. Stbx also had her parents, sister etc at birthday party for other daughter in June. I chose not to go because I didn't want there to be a scene. Also, while we were together her side of the family NEVER came to the girls birthday parties. I did celebrate birthday with daughter and it was nice, but it annoys me that I feel I am being blocked from these big events. Any suggestions appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 It's unfortunate that most people simply are not mature enough to put their differences aside and make everyone feel welcome at a child's birthday party, even a STBX. This is why many people, once they split from their child's other parent, choose to hold a different party, completely separate from the other parent. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 I did celebrate birthday with daughter and it was nice, but it annoys me that I feel I am being blocked from these big events. It annoys you that you're "blocked" from a kids birthday party organized by your STBX? Did your STBX invite you, or do you assume it's your God-given right to invite yourself to a party that she is organizing? Did you invite your STBX to the celebration that you held? You need to think of your daughter here. Will it create an awkward atmosphere or a scene or drama? Will everyone be happy to see you? Will you be able to have a piece of cake and cup of tea with your STBX and her parents, and have a nice chat? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 while I personally feel there can be 2 good arguments from either side of the "debate" I think its up to you, if you feel comfortable, if you feel ok to go, not feel awkward, if you don't think you can go then don't, but make sure your daughter knows. Maybe take her out beforehand and show her a good time, do things she likes, give her a gift, make it a special 1 on 1 situation./moment Then tell her shes gonna have a lot of fun at the party and your gonna miss her and think about her and you will call her later to see how shes doing. and im not saying not to go, im just saying if you feel you cant go for whatever reason make it still special for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author elgringo Posted December 4, 2014 Author Share Posted December 4, 2014 It annoys you that you're "blocked" from a kids birthday party organized by your STBX? Did your STBX invite you, or do you assume it's your God-given right to invite yourself to a party that she is organizing? Did you invite your STBX to the celebration that you held? You need to think of your daughter here. Will it create an awkward atmosphere or a scene or drama? Will everyone be happy to see you? Will you be able to have a piece of cake and cup of tea with your STBX and her parents, and have a nice chat? To clarify, stbx said I could come. The first time this happened I chose not to go because the mother in law has a temper and a big mouth. I'm not sure if there would be a scene but it is a possibility. The thing that bothers me is that she only has had her family at these events since we separated and it seems deliberate. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 She has every right to invite your child's grandparents to their birthday party. If you think the MIL would cause a scene and ruin it for your daughter, then swallow the bullet and keep away. Do what's best for your daughter, not yourself. I thought you were NC anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
GirlStillStrong Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 To clarify, stbx said I could come. The first time this happened I chose not to go because the mother in law has a temper and a big mouth. I'm not sure if there would be a scene but it is a possibility. The thing that bothers me is that she only has had her family at these events since we separated and it seems deliberate. It's not deliberate; the world does not revolve around you. The birthday party is for THE CHILD, not for you. If you want to be at her bday party, then HAVE A BDAY PARTY for her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 Only go if you intend to be there FOR your daughter. IF you think there may be any conflict then don't go. You've already celebrated with your daughter so you wouldn't be missing that part of it if you don't go. If you do go - do NOT engage her family in any conversations that have the potential to be heated. It's a celebration for your daughter - remember why you are there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 My daughter is having a birthday party this weekend. My stbx is having the party near her parents and her side of the family will be there. Stbx also had her parents, sister etc at birthday party for other daughter in June. I chose not to go because I didn't want there to be a scene. Also, while we were together her side of the family NEVER came to the girls birthday parties. I did celebrate birthday with daughter and it was nice, but it annoys me that I feel I am being blocked from these big events. Any suggestions appreciated. Just like you're starting a new life, you can start new big events between you and your daughter. Nothing stopping you from doing that! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 4, 2014 Share Posted December 4, 2014 What . . and deprive your kids of their right to have 2 birthday parties now that mom & dad are divorced? Heck no. Throw your own celebration for your children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2014 Share Posted December 5, 2014 My daughter is having a birthday party this weekend. My stbx is having the party near her parents and her side of the family will be there. Stbx also had her parents, sister etc at birthday party for other daughter in June. I chose not to go because I didn't want there to be a scene. Also, while we were together her side of the family NEVER came to the girls birthday parties. I did celebrate birthday with daughter and it was nice, but it annoys me that I feel I am being blocked from these big events. Any suggestions appreciated. You were invited and chose not to go? You feel like you're being blocked by them or ARE you actually being blocked by them. If they invited you, GO. If they didn't, don't go. Host a birthday party for your daughter with your side of the family, your folks (her grandparents), aunts, uncles, cousins, friends etc.. Oops, I read you already celebrated with your daughter. Next year you do one for her and then her mom can do one with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 5, 2014 Share Posted December 5, 2014 To clarify, stbx said I could come. The first time this happened I chose not to go because the mother in law has a temper and a big mouth. I'm not sure if there would be a scene but it is a possibility. The thing that bothers me is that she only has had her family at these events since we separated and it seems deliberate. Go!!! Tell your ex to please speak to her mom to behave herself around you and not cause any problems. You have no control over what happens now with your ex and her family and how involved they are now. Don't let it fester and piss you off. It is what it is.. And besides, it's a positive for your daughter to have family, both sides, spending time with her. That's a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted December 5, 2014 Share Posted December 5, 2014 Oh' come on!! Just go to your daughter's BD party and if your stbx's mother will open her mouth - ignore! Who Cares about her? IT'S YOUR DAUGHTER WHAT COUNTS HERE! Eliminate all other background noises. Link to post Share on other sites
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