amicrazy75 Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Okay so here goes. My husband and I have recently separated after 20 years of being married. For whatever reason he could not stay faithful and I have had enough but I do not know why I cannot stop caring. I want this hurt to stop and the pain to go away. He calls me several times a day even though I have asked him to only call when it concerns our children (20 & 15 ) but he continues to keep me in this horrible cycle of uncontrollable crying and feeling like my heart is being blended. Please someone tell how to stop feeling like I need to dig a hole and climb in until the world can move again. I need to be here for my kids but he wants to drag them into stuff. Our daughter is 3 hours away from us and he will call her to find out where I am if I don't answer my phone. I am tired and have a hard time some days to even function like I should be able to. Please give me some advice/tricks of the trade to help get through this stage. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
EverySunset Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I'm sorry dear, you sound absolutely tortured. Start setting boundaries right now. Why do you answer the phone if you know your children are doing OK? You don't have to. Tell him you will only respond to texts, and then stop answering your phone for awhile . If anyone important calls you can call them back. I'm sorry if I missed it, but do you have an atty yet? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 You can block him and communicate directly with your kids. Since he's still disrespecting you by not following your wishes it's not unreasonable to cut him out. He has no right to disrespect you! And asking your D when she's 3 hours away is just ridiculous. Your D should also tell him to mind his own business. Remind him that you owe him NO explanations anymore. If you need to file a restraining order. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author amicrazy75 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 No I do not have an atty yet...I am in the process of that, among other things. Just recently he said very hurtful things to me and they continue to race over and over in my head like Indy 500 and I am feeling crazy. I have tried many times to stop answering the phone but he will call my cell then work then cell then work and this literally goes on until I answer. He has already been on several dates and has had relations with some and I met up with someone from high school and he passed by his house he told me 20+ times and then was in my driveway when I got home. I am really going crazy here. I will be seeking counseling as well but I know people who have been through this can give really good advice. I failed to mention that this is the only man I have ever been with and I do believe deep down this plays a huge part in how I am feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author amicrazy75 Posted October 29, 2014 Author Share Posted October 29, 2014 I have tried blocking him and all sorts of stuff and he then just keeps calling our kids. I do not want them in the middle of anything but he can't see that. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Get the divorce papers filed and in them request a restraining order. Start calling the police if he won't leave you alone when you've asked him to. And tell your kids to simply answer to him "dad, stop calling me about Mom". Then hang up! He is being abusive and absurd. Stop allowing it. Start speaking up to him by telling him your life is no longer any of his business. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 I have tried blocking him and all sorts of stuff and he then just keeps calling our kids. I do not want them in the middle of anything but he can't see that. If you didn't find out during the marriage, you'll find out now - what you want him to do doesn't matter. He's going to behave inappropriately, tell people (including your kids) hurtful things and post stuff online that will give you heartburn. You're only in charge of you. Let him be free to act as he will, not your responsibility. You'll avoid tons of stress and heartbreak if you understand this effective today... Mr. Lucky 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SamH Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Amy, I am going through the same as you right now but have had to cut contact. Everyday is like 'Groundhog day' and I don't know when its going to get better. I'm making sure I have a constant stream of positive words in my head like 'future', 'moving on' I tell myself I'm hot (haha) that I am worth loving etc. He is feeling extremely guilty and his weaknesses will really be coming out, I'm so sorry for your children, mine are grown and although devastated are coping. He is in touch with them but hes not allowed to talk to them about me. Everyday I remove another piece of him from myself. Yesterday I stopped refering to him as my husband and he is now 'the kids dad'. Bad days and easier days. I wish you so much strength and positivity. xxxx 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted October 29, 2014 Share Posted October 29, 2014 Feel your pain amicrazy. Having a cheating xH (many many years ago now) who wouldn't leave me alone I had to get my solicitor to write a warning letter to his that no contact means no contact; otherwise injunction and police would be instigated. You need to set boundaries as his behaviour is his behaviour. Until you do this, you will go around in circles and your healing will never ever begin. Good luck x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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