shay_usa Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 I am a newbie to this site. Well actually to any chat forum. I married my high school boyfriend- 4 months after graduation- that has been 24 years ago. About 12 years ago he became disabled because of back problems. He is on pain meds for chronic pain. I do realize a certain amount of addiction comes from long term use. Well over the last few years this has gotten to be a problem - he says he always hurts so he ends up taking all his meds before time to have them filled again. I have caught him buying them, he took my medication after a surgery I had- each time I have caught him and threatened to leave he has promised that he would get it under control and never do it again- well guess what it has happen many times over the last several years. A few days ago he stole meds from a relative we were visiting. I gave him a choice of either going together to his doctor and telling him that he has a problem and seek help or he needed to leave. He refused to let me go with him to the doctor- said he could get it under control just give him time. I feel I have given so much time and energy I don't have any more to give. This addiction of his has caused so much pain - I know that he has cheated once. We have 2 children and my main concern is them - they are very close to both of us and are unaware of any problems. I guess I am a little afraid too- since I have never been alone. Went straight from living with my parents to being married. I am also afraid for him- I worry what will happen to him if he looses it all. I have not confided in anyone about this and I guess that's why I decided to post on here. I am a Christian, I believe that marriage is a commitment for life, but I am not a perfect person and I don't know how much one person can or should take to hold marriage together. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Before you do anything go to a local Narc-Anon meeting. It's a support group for people who love people who are drug addicts. It doesn't matter that the drugs started out as prescription. They will help you better understand your situation & give you insights into possible solutions, which may include divorce. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 You are his wife. You love him. He is slowly killing himself. Whatever medication it might be, it possibly could have additives in it that cause liver damage when taken in excess. Furthermore, taking large doses, and mixing different narcotics or whatever pain relievers or drugs he manages to steal, could have a number of devastating consequences, such as: 1. He could get arrested, and the jail doesn't prescribe pain relievers. 2. Mixing medications or taking a bit too much narcotic has been known to cause a comotose and/or vegetative state. That is, he could really screw up his brain by popping pills at his current tolerance level. 3. Does he drink alcohol? My guess is YES. I'm sure many recall the sad case of Karen Ann Quinlan, 22, who lived in a vegatative state for almost a decade, after mixing alcohol with diazepam. As the contraversial "Right To Die" legal battle was finally resolved in the NJ Supreme Court, she was allowed to die in 1985. Something to think about, right? 4. Children are in the house, and cannot help but be influenced by a drug addict and his ENABLER (emphasis intended). Do you want your kids to grow up with either your husband's or your attributes, as you described herein? Honey, I don't mean to make you feel bad, but these are the realities. Let's say the situation was someone else's situation. What advice would you give the wife? Here is what you can do for starters, without telling a soul. And you must never tell your husband. Go see the doctor, privately, and get on the record with his office with what you have told us. The doctor needs to know this information. Then let the doctor handle it. Then, go from there. After the doctor intervenes at his next appointment for refills, don't be surprised if your husband chooses drugs over his family (that is not uncommon). Start getting some back-up plans in place. Drug addicts are not very nice when they dont have their supply. This is my advice to you. Don't be afraid, you have 1000 times the strength of your husband. He is the weak person, a drug addict, you have to face the music. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 Before you do anything go to a local Narc-Anon meeting. It's a support group for people who love people who are drug addicts. It doesn't matter that the drugs started out as prescription. They will help you better understand your situation & give you insights into possible solutions, which may include divorce. Best advice you could get, started going there when a family member had a drug addiction (pain pills, sound familiar?) and still go today even though the use has stopped. They will make you understand you're not crazy for feeling the way you do. And hearing their stories will help you see that, unless he wants to stop, there's no faith Christian or otherwise that will make him. Best comment I heard early on was that watching a loved one deal with addiction is like watching a slow-motion train wreck. Stepping in and trying to save them yourself just insures that the train kills both of you. Not your battle to fight. Your priority should be the safety and healthy of kids and self... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author shay_usa Posted October 17, 2014 Author Share Posted October 17, 2014 Well he went to the doctor yesterday- would not let me go along. He said he talked to him, but only to the fact that he took to much some days because of the pain. He said he did not need to go into all the details because he could handle this and get it under control. I have heard that too many times before. I calmly told him that he had to get it under control and that he needed to do that alone. Nothing I have said or tried has helped and the best thing we could do was spend some time apart, and ask him to leave. Well he said that I am the one bailing on our marriage and I will not even give him a chance- but I have for been giving for years. I am looking into finding a narc-anon group to attend. I know that this is going to be hard, especially on my 13 year old daughter. I just hope I am doing the right thing for my children- I know that I am for myself. I still care about him and want him to beat this addiction more than anything, but I can't say that I am still "in love with him". of course I have not told him this. For now I just said we needed time apart- so he could work on fixing himself and we could readdress us later. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 It's Nar-Anon Family Groups Sorry I added an extra C in my original post. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 17, 2014 Share Posted October 17, 2014 Well he went to the doctor yesterday- would not let me go along. He said he talked to him, but only to the fact that he took to much some days because of the pain. He said he did not need to go into all the details because he could handle this and get it under control. Q - How do you when an addict is lying? A - Their lips are moving. Your instincts to protect self and kids are correct. And even more important now as he's only worried about the next bottle of pills. Again, go to a meeting. It will be an eye-opener... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
J2911 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 As a registered nurse I can tell you that he needs to see a specific doctor to specialize in pain management. Maybe he needs an inplant pain pump for better control . Giving the fact that he would not let you go to the doctor with him, is very concerning . Did he really go there or to another source for medications . A pain specialty doctor will have him come in for routine blood draws to make sure he is taking what is prescribed and not over taking meds. Any family doctor should never be prescribing meds for chronic pain patients . I apologize if he is going to a specialty pain doctor . He is definitely an addict. If you aren't in love anymore then it's time to think of separation. Do not feel bad for that at all due to religious beliefs . He has cheated in the past and ultimately any lie is considered cheating really . It's deceit . You have to take care of you and the children bc an addict will only think of his addiction and self needs as his condition worsens. His addiction will be his priority, not jobs , family, friends etc..... he will have to hit rock bottom to see anything else so separation may help him and your mind and heart as well. Good luck on this one 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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