Veev87 Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Hello i would love some advice. Me and my husband has been together since I was 18, I'm 27 now, we have an almost 8 year old and a 4 year old together. His career is in the oilfield and works 100+ hr weeks and travels a lot. Here in about 2 weeks he's going to a place about 300 miles away for 8months to 3 years. We would just see each other maybe every other weekend. The big kicker is that when I was pregnant with my 4 son he had an affair with my best friend and we've decided to work it out til now, though he has straight up refused counseling. So obviously I have big trust issues. I've been thinking long and hard about our relationship and I'm just not sure if it'd work out with him being gone constantly, already basicly living apart and not a lot of trust anymore. I'm thinking about asking for a divorce but I feel so terrible but I'm not very happy. I asked him if he thinks this will work out and he said he wouldn't have time to really work on it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
sdrawkcaB ssA Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Well, as it stands your marriage looks like it has turned into a live in separation. Look to your own personal needs and do what is best for you. It seems like there is no reason for him to think about you, since he knows trust has been broken, and he will be away most of the time. I am sure he will find some companionship, as many of the Oil towns have communities that provide entertainment and such because of the money flow. To me you have the choice to make a new life or accept what you have and live with it. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 ..... To me you have the choice to make a new life or accept what you have and live with it. I agree. Really, he's completely 'happy' with the way things are. He has no need to implement change or make an effort, everything is weighted his way. The choice of what you do with your life is yours, and yours alone. And frankly, to be blunt, you need to stop thinking about how he would be affected by it ("I'm thinking about asking for a divorce but I feel so terrible...") because as you add, YOU are not very happy. he was quite happy to plant his pecker elsewhere when HE wasn't happy, without thought of you, wasn't he? he's still not thinking of you ("he wouldn't have time to really work on it anymore.") which means really, he can't be bothered.... So rather than look to how terrible this would be - consider how much fun it would be for you, how fulfilling and nurturing, to actually stay as you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Veev87 Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 Thank you for the input! It's nice to have an outside opinion. I really do need to think about my self and my needs then of his. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I asked him if he thinks this will work out and he said he wouldn't have time to really work on it anymore. Not sure why you'd be uncertain about any part of this, you seem to have gotten a pretty clear answer from him. And that answer is "I'm out". Your leaving seems a moot point when he's already left . Given your circumstances, you have a head start on single living and life. Have you spoken to an attorney? You need to understand your rights and responsibilities, including child support, going forward. Good luck and keep posting... Mr. Lucky 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlessingInDisguise Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Let me help you. If he'll cheat right under your nose, of course he'll cheat 300 miles away. That's a no-brainer. It's all about what you're willing to accept. I was married 11 years and just went thru a divorce. I found out he had been cheating for years. He asked for the divorce, and I never tried to save the relationship even though we have a kid. I would get upset, when I thought about the affect it would have on my child. Once I got past that, things got better. Don't spend your time worrying about him cheating. He probably will. If I knew my ex was cheating, I would have been gone years ago. You deserve someone as committed to you as you are to them. My ex is about to get married and has a baby on the way. Mind you, he got her pregnant while we were married. Are you planning on moving with him? If he doesn't want you to go, that should tell you everything you need to know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 26, 2014 Share Posted September 26, 2014 Not sure why you'd be uncertain about any part of this, you seem to have gotten a pretty clear answer from him. And that answer is "I'm out". Your leaving seems a moot point when he's already left . Given your circumstances, you have a head start on single living and life. Have you spoken to an attorney? You need to understand your rights and responsibilities, including child support, going forward. Good luck and keep posting... Mr. Lucky I'm with Mr. Lucky on this one. The writing is on the wall with this man and it appears you already know this. Good luck my friend. It's never too late to find happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
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