cant Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Hi, First time here & i'll try to keep background brief but its a long story Married 10yrs, together 16, separated a few months. Brief separations previously but reunited. Previous/ongoing issues, husband abused as child, dealt with this with self medicating (drugs/drink) & sex. I didn't know about infidelity for years but have known for about 4 years now, sought counselling sporadically, takes anti depressants & if doing ok. Our issues i guess include trust, i don't like going out with him in case he drinks too much, this doesn't happen often anymore but the legacy is in my mind i guess. Earlier this year i moved countries for a job with the intention of my husband to follow me but during our time apart i started thinking about seeing other people & he was up & down with his moods (partially my fault due to distance etc but not new) so i could cheat or separate, i chose separate. He doesn't want the separation but respects my decision, a few months in & i'm still not sure what i want, i don't know if we can get past our issues but i don't enjoy being late 30's, single, flat sharing, i miss married life but i'm not sure if that's enough to go back or is this just a transitional period. To complicate matters i have slept with a friend (from 10 years ago, they fell out when the friend caught him cheating on me) & i'm not sure whether to continue or not, part of me wants to explore my sexuality, sex was another issue with us but i think i might have issues of my own on that one but obviously all the cheating hasn't helped. Not sure if any of that made sense, basically i have no idea what i'm doing, what i want & what i should do, i have massive guilt for leaving my husband but i can't seem to find my gut feelings or figure out what i really want so i guess i'm asking if others have felt this way & what was the outcome. Any help would be amazing, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 i don't enjoy being late 30's, single, flat sharing, i miss married life but i'm not sure if that's enough to go back or is this just a transitional period. No, this is not a good reason to go back to a failed/failing marriage. Every single person who gets divorced/separated feels the same. Nobody enjoys being single in their 30's (I know, I was for most of them). The only reason you should go back to your husband is if you want to be with HIM forever. It's normal to miss married life, but it doesn't sound as though you miss HIM. My advice is to take all the time you need, to figure this out. Is it your husband you miss or the married lifestyle? Sleeping with others will make it harder and harder to make the decision so I'd advise you lay off that. It's also not fair on the other guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 Earlier this year i moved countries for a job with the intention of my husband to follow me Things probably doomed from that point on as he doesn't sound like the kind of person that would function well left alone. And your concerns and subsequent actions are icing on the cake. i started thinking about seeing other people & he was up & down with his moods (partially my fault due to distance etc but not new) so i could cheat or separate, i chose separate. Considering you've slept with someone, haven't you chosen cheat? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
aMguilts Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 hi cant and welcome:) you are in a right pickle eh? before you reply anymore take a look at the posts that are already on here you may find that you are not alone in your situation and you may even get the answers there? aM Link to post Share on other sites
Thruster Posted August 28, 2014 Share Posted August 28, 2014 can't it is nice sometimes to just roll in here and get a few things off your chest hope it works out for the best for you Link to post Share on other sites
Author cant Posted September 1, 2014 Author Share Posted September 1, 2014 Thanks for the feedback. It is nice to be able to put my feelings into words @ get some other peoples views. He was in contact over the weekend saying he missed me, wanted me back, hated life without me, I know he's hurting but I feel guilty & annoyed at the same time & don't know what to do Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 1, 2014 Share Posted September 1, 2014 I know he's hurting but I feel guilty & annoyed at the same time & don't know what to do It seems more that you know what you want to do - divorce him - but don't know how to do it. Given you're living in another country and already semi-involved with someone else, shouldn't be that difficult. Step one is a consultation with an attorney... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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