Divorce cause of Anti-depressant

[Mikie Figs]

Hi everyone, first post here

 

Just getting right down to it.

 

Short version (long version on next post if interested)

 

Loving marriage for 8 years, with little hiccups along the way.

 

recently we had a blow out and we handled it. She got on an anti-depressant SSRI called 'Celexa'. A month later we're getting a divorce. Doesn't want counseling or to 'feel' anymore. Totally detached. Also saying things that she believes i'm doing when just a short time earlier it was addressed and found to be untrue. Also accusing me of things that is just untrue and was never an issue. Everything is skewed.

 

I found some things on the internet about this drug and have found lots of stories similar to mine with the same cold, unattached feelings.

 

Everything I say to her is poison now, and she believes nothing I say. When I brought up my concerns to her parents they told my wife that I'm trying to make her out to be crazy.

 

Is there anyone out there that has been/are going through these issues with a total flip of the script after taking meds? I need help please! My wife saved me from a deep PTSD problem, I can't abandon her now.

[Mikie Figs]

Wife and I have been married for over 8 years now. The first 1 1/2 years of it was spent deployed to Iraq together as soldiers. From that moment on my wife has had PTSD issues, on top of other major events (rape/sibling suicide/father alcoholic) that gave her depression from before I met her. She's a strong 'get **** done' type of woman, always on top of ****. Maybe to frantic and busy for her own good. I'm the opposite: procrastinator, laid back, 'Just chill and relax' type of guy. I'm witty and crack jokes, while she's gullible and never gets the joke. She always said we're perfect cause we balance each other out. I slowed her down and she sped me up.

 

That kind of made her the boss of everything. Which was fine by me cause she's smarter. While we were still dating she said her dream scenario would be for her to finish her degree, get into her career, and still have a family cause her husband/me could stay home with the kids.

 

Her dream became a reality after having our first kid. We were a couple years out of Iraq when we first got pregnant. And the first time she got off her anti-depressant 'Celexa' (SSRI), after a year of use. It was in the middle of the recession, and no one was looking for a disabled uneducated vet who's only skill was to jump out of airplanes and shoot bad guys. So stayed home and she worked.

 

She was a terrible pregnant woman, by her own mouth. She was irritable and sick almost the whole time. When she finally had the baby she was even worse. Not sick anymore, just real bossy and pushy. It was hard sometimes to bring her back down.

 

About 6-7 months after my daughter was born tragedy struck. I got caught, for the very first time, using weed by the Army. Not only do I too have PTSD from my first deployment as a combat soldier in afghanistan, I have a major injury that I was trying to push through. What led to a couple Motrin when I was 21 went to a heavy cocktail of vicodins/percs/oxy, anti-depressants, injections, sleeping pills, ADD meds all prescribed by the Army 9 years later. I was a unfeeling still in pain zombie. I quit all that and got a weed card which is legal in my state and was recommended by a local doctor. My wife, a nurse, and well informed of my pain, also agreed that i should. But the Army did not.

 

a year or two later she gets back on celexa. And then we finally had our dream house built. WE were so Happy. Two years ago, 5 months after moving into our house, she went to a tiger game with some girlfriends (all single, one is her new best friends which is a divorcee). That next Monday she comes home gitty and excited from work. She says she has something to tell me and hopes i'm down for it. She told me she met someone and they exchanged e-mails at the tiger game. They were sex e-mails or what night and things were getting hot. She asks me if it was ok if she had a 3 some with this guy and his wife. She told me things including "i want to suck his dick after he ****ed his wife cause he wants me to taste her on him" and "I want him to shave me and then eat my pussy" "I think I could be a mom during the day and just go crazy at night you know?". I asked her how did he get your email/what was his pick up line, and she said he bumped into her from behind and asked "do you shave?" and her first message to him was " I trim". I was dumb struck and confused. I asked her when she wanted to do this, and she said 2 weeks cause she had to work and other plans. 2 weeks fell on my birthday. I was crushed and got back on meds

 

She said this stuff so matter-of-factly that it was confusing. You got to understand that my wife is very conservative and by the book, so this was way out of character.

 

A week later we found out that we were pregnant with our second child. She got off celexa and we kind of talked about the incident. She said she doesn't really know what happened or why she started talking like that. and once again she was a terrible pregnant women, just miserable all the time.

 

She made me kick out my father, who's idea it was to move in in the first place, cause he shook to much and got up to much during the night and spilled things. He was going through cancer treatments and first signs of dementia.

 

One month after our son was born, she was still very depressed, and very irritable. One day I snapped on her after she ambushed me and my daughter, she didn't take it well. She snapped back and we had a blow out. I started screaming and my daughter was wrapped around my neck crying cause of my wife's yelling at first. I went to the bathroom to brush my child's teeth (by wifes words) then went to our room to lay her down. The whole time we're yelling and my wife keeps trying to take my daughter. When I got into the room she called the cops and said i was hurting our child. I immediately left and went to sleep in my car. Cops came, didn't say a word but to put my hands up (they thought I was child abuser so why not right) I said everything is fine now i'm going to sleep out here. While still holding the door open the cop said no I wasn't and shut my finger in the door. I lost it. I ended up getting charged with 3 felonious assaults of a police officer. After the truth came out all charges was dropped.

 

The wife and I went to marriage counseling after that. 6 sessions. After that she said that were doing good and was tired of having to go to counseling. Plus she said the Dr agreed with me on to many things.

 

We started doing this money make over thing so we can catch up on bills and such. It was a fight from the start, and we never had money to go out and do things together. One day I was pissed after a argument and went to my Aunts. I told her I was going but she was concerned that I wouldn't be back in time for the kids. I was angry and prolly had to many to drink so I ate some dinner and crashed at my Aunt's for like 5 hours. I drove home and got back aroun 4 in the morning. I was still mad and felt destructive so rammed into my trashcan and dented my garage. Not even two inches deep, I could've kicked it and done more damage. But she thought I drove home drunk and 'Crashed' into the garage.

 

We had a big blow out in which she contacted a lawyer when things were said in anger. but we made up and regrouped. we had sex and planned on changes. Then she got on Celexa again. One month later she filed for divorce with out telling anyone. She completely changed. She says things that are just cold and unemotional. Things you wouldn't say out of politeness to your enemy. But not out of meanness, but very casually and like it doesn't matter. Nothing I say now matters cause, according to her, I lie and manipulate. I take her for granted and mooch off of her. A total flip of the script.

Edited August 25, 2014 by Mikie Figs

[Mr. Lucky]

Mike:

 

Step one is ownership of your own behavior. You got in a fight with the police. You got in a screaming match with your wife while holding your child. Anyone who's spouse rammed their car into the garage - on purpose! - after a night of drinking would be alarmed. You have a problem and the responsibility for treatment/solution is on you. This isn't about your wife and what she should or shouldn't be doing, this is about YOU!

 

Get help and get help now. Given the state of your marriage and your wife's issues, your kids need you more than ever. Good luck and keep posting...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

BTW- your first two posts read as though they were written by different people. Why is that?

[Mikie Figs]

I understand I have issues, trust me. I didn't hit the garage on purpose, i hit the trash can. the garage was a accident as a result of my behavior. It wasn't a night of drinking either. I got there at 7, we had a few drinks (3-4), and were at my Aunt's house by 8:30 (she lives across the street from the corner bar). I ate a big hillbilly meal (i can say that, we're from Kentucky. not anymore though) and slept till 3:30 am. I was too drunk (I would say buzzed, but someone will say buzz driving is drunk driving) to drive home at 830. I'm a big guy and can put down some drinks. But I DON'T drink and drive. I learned my lesson on that long long ago.

 

About the other thing. Me and my kid were walking home from a block party, which she was at and left early. My daughter was having fun with some kids and i said i would stay and my wife could go. Earlier we had this big fight over me not being ready by 4:00, even though at 4:05 (not an exaggeration) I was ready and she was not (she decided to have a garage sale two days prior on this day. Remember she just had our second kid and was going through some heavy post mordem depression. Everything was frantic, neurotic, and she was very irritable).

 

My daughter and I were singing twinkle twinkle (I know it sounds sappy, but God's honest truth) on the way home. When we walked in the door my wife jumped out at us starting as we left off earlier that day, then accused me of driving drunk with our kid when we just walked back from a block away. I was off my meds for about two days at this point (medication comes from VA. tons of back ups). My daughter was clinging to me cause she was scared of my wife not me. So I started yelling back. I was pissed and let it out. The affair (which never had any closure. first time we really talked about it was at therapy after the arrest) the nagging, and plenty of other petty bull**** i was holding in while she was pregnant and miserable (and i mean this by meaning she felt miserable, not me thinking she was miserable) was let out a bit.

 

I walked away from her and she followed. from the front door to the kids bathroom where I brushed my daughter's teeth, down the hall, and into our bedroom where i shut the door and laid my daughter to sleep. She followed me and yelled at me to give our kid back. But she was CLINGING to me, crying out for her to stop.

 

The cops: well.......I know it will be almost impossible to believe someone about this on the internet, but it's true non the less. I'll try to keep it just facts. The cops got a call saying a suspect was belligerent and is hurting his child (which was all false, I may have been mad and angry, but so was she and have you ever heard of someone so belligerent that he brushed his daughters teeth and tucked her into bed).

 

They show up and see a man putting things in his vehicle (sweatshirt and a pillow, was just going to sleep in the car). They tell me not to move and I reply with everything is fine now I'm sleeping outside. (I guess i could of said my wife is flipping out in there, but then I would be telling strangers that my wife was depressed and acting nuts, but i love her and believe family business is just that).

 

He told me "No you're not. I (who has studied law for 3 years to become a cop and know my rights) said here are my keys and to go ask her the questions. The cop at once slammed my door which I was holding open, smashing my finger which came off at the tip and, at the same time, put me in an arm bar.

 

Now I was paratrooper for 9 years from 2000 to 2009 and have fought in both the wars. I've been in numerous battles and skirmishes. I've sacrificed mine, body, education and soul for the defense of my country and it's people.

 

Here I am, standing in MY drive way, guilty of nothing, and trying to end a screaming match with my wife. AND I"M ATTACKED!!!!!!!! I got two good counter moves/flips in on him and his partner before I was tazed 7 times. I had broken bones in my fingers and ribs. numerous laceration and deep contusions and busted scull caved in 3 cm. Sorry.... but I'd still do that all again 100 times out of a 100. It's my right to defend myself when innocent.

 

And the courts agreed: 3 felonious assaults of police officers (only two were there during the fight. the third came after I was detained). In the reports all the officers noted that there was no sign of struggle/dispute. The cops asked my wife 8 times (her count) if I laid my hands on her or the kids and the answer was always no. She said if felt like they were trying to make her say I did. They then told her I reached for their flashlight so she might as well say that I did.(complete lie, My lawyer pointed this out to the court in both video and audio tapes from the cops dash)

 

The felonies were dropped to one misdemeanor of misconduct with 9 months non reporting probation. No community service, Was allowed to smoke weed, and no restrictions. now it's all over and nothing is on my records as agreed upon by the courts.

 

I take blame for that night, and my wife did too, in front of our counselor. Now she blames all that on me and said she never admitted to any blame.

 

The double post point: As you can see I tend to wright a lot. I don't like typing cause i tend to type how i speak. And when I speak I use tone and gestures as part of my language. So I feel I have to explain a lot.

 

I wrote the second post first and thought "Damn, Nobody's going to read all this," then copied and paste. Then wrote a short and to the point version. It was also late at night as I've been in panic mode for the last two days because I've been either shocked, deflated, and confused before to make any moves. Now I'm in crunch time mode cause time is almost out. She wants the house, the kids with me having visitation rights, and for me to pay alimony and child support. WHat?????? She was the moneymaker and I was the care taker. HER WISHES!!!! Which now what, I'm supposed to just pick up and start from nothing, and with a debt over my head while she gets everything she ever wanted? It's just a wierd flip in less than a month.

 

I can't express how much I love my wife and how much she has loved me. There is no way to convince you how she has changed, things that are so drastic in literally days. She's mixing things up too. Not remembering full days or combining two or three days. she's bringing up things that were resolved as non issues with proof. But she can't remember the details so assumes it's still an issue.

 

e.g. In early spring I was up with the kids (now 5 and 1) making breakfast, brushing teeth, etc. the morning routine and all. My daughter, when I was busy with something, went onto the front porch and got captured a frog (tons of them around my house). When she came back in I heard the door and caught her coming back in. I told her how she wasn't allowed outside with out my permission and gave her a time out. But let her keep the frog in it's little cage for the day.

 

My wife came home later and saw the frog. She asked my daughter when she got it then asked why she didn't asked daddy. My daughter told her she couldn't cause I was still sleeping and she didn't want to wake me. A little white lie told by a child trying to not get in trouble. I told my wife later about how I was actually the one that caught her. And that was that. I thought.

 

Now she says one of the reasons for leaving me is that I don't wake up with the kids. I asked what does she mean, my alarm is set at 9 am (my daughter wakes me up by at least 8 if my wife doesn't, just in case of a failsafe) and my wife calls me when she gets on the road. For the last 3 months I've been getting up with my wife at like 7 and trying to have coffee for her so she has some support before work. Before all this it was always about how work was running her ragged, her being a traveling nurse having to sit in a car all day and deal with patients that are sometimes unable to help themselves, while by all by herself. Now she remembers non of this and says I never get up with the kids.

 

For 5 1/2 years!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! When it's always always always has been How great of a father I am and that my purpose was for those children and not war/work (when I was depressed about me not being able to do what I was trained for. Not much out there for ex grunts but Labor work, and none for one with a busted back). All her compliments of me to others has ALWAYS started with how great a dad I am and how we wouldn't be where we were with out me. Now it's all about how bad of a dad I am. All starting shortly after this drug was taken.

 

Side effects of celexa from this site from studies: (scroll down to the studies section. Big list) Notice the apathy, impaired concentration and confusion. Also on here are other side effects, like loss of memory, lower sex drive, and loss of emotion/"feeling numb"

 

Side Effects of Celexa (Citalopram Hydrobromide) Drug Center - RxList

 

Psychiatric Disorders - Frequent: impaired concentration, amnesia, apathy, depression, increased appetite, aggravated depression, suicide attempt, confusion. Infrequent: increased libido, aggressive reaction, paroniria, drug dependence, depersonalization, hallucination, euphoria, psychotic depression, delusion, paranoid reaction, emotional lability, panic reaction, psychosis. Rare: catatonic reaction, melancholia.

 

 

If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong. And am willing to do whatever it takes to help her. But I know in the bottom of my heart that she is not right. I promise.

 

She filed for divorce, by the way, With out telling anyone: her mother (which knows EVERYTHING), her pasture, nor her therapist. She refuses to talk about anything, other than mundane things. When pressed she lashes out then shuts down. I said we should talk to somebody, anybody. I don't care who, her mom, best friends complete stranger, but she refuses so strongly vehemently. It's so not like her. Rash decisions were never ever her. She is the most meticulous person i know, double checking, rechecking and researching everything. THIS NOT RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!

Edited August 25, 2014 by Mikie Figs