imanidiot1969 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) I moved out 3 months ago. On the day i got the moving truck to move my stuff, I asked wife to take out daughters and go somewhere so there wouldn't be a bunch of drama. She agreed. So I show up to the house with the truck, my brother and a friend. Her car is not in the driveway. I go the open the door, but the key wont fit. The locks had been changed. Is this even legal? Wife opens the door and her parents are there. Wife and in-laws had parked in the back yard. Wife tells me her dad wants to talk to me. This is just the kind of crap I did NOT need. Luckily my brother and friend were there and helped diffuse the situation. Father in law did block the door as i was leaving and told me that i was a real disappointment. This is coming from a man who abandoned his wife and two daughters and moved several states away and never saw them again. The irony. So later i talk to stbx about her shenanigans. I said that i did not appreciate her dishonesty in ambushing me, but she insisted she did nothing wrong and said that i was the one being dishonest. Wife also has OCD and is convinced that I am a closet bisexual. This is not the case but she insists that it is true and that it is the real reason i am leaving the marriage. She has yelled at me several times that I need to be honest with her and admit that I am bisexual. She even called my parents and told them I was bisexual. She even joined some kind of straight spouse support network. The other day I was picking up the girls from her and she says right in front of them that the straight spouse support network has really been helping her. And she wouldn't apologize for it. She said that the girls wont care that I'm bisexual. They will love me anyway. Let me say again that i am not bisexual. She cant accept the fact that I was tired of her being a bully and manipulator. The issue that caused us to separate was over an adoption. She wanted to adopt a 3rd child and I did not. I told her SEVERAL times that i didnt want to do it, but she was relentless and i finally caved in. My mistake. But when I realized that i didnt want to go through with it she threatened to divorce me. And she refused to go to marriage counseling. But she blames everything on me. I have asked her to get the bills changed into her name. Ive been out of the house for THREE MONTHS and she hasn't done it yet. She wasnt paying one of the bills and didnt have any intention of paying it, so i started paying it so that it doesnt mess up my credit. I deducted this amount from the amount i normally give her and she threw a fit. Does any one have any advice on how to deal with a narcissist ex? Edited July 16, 2014 by imanidiot1969 grammar fixing Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Get the courts involved to force the bill change, or have the accounts terminated. Then she will have to reactivate them without you on them. If the house is yours you have a right to the property and the authority will let you in to retrieve your things. The best way to deal with a narcissist is through legal action. Nothing but cold hard facts, as emotions will only be used against you. I dealt with one myself and once I cut the emotion and stuck to legal action things went smoothly in my favor. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 Let your lawyer straighten it out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imanidiot1969 Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 I was able to get my stuff. She wasn't difficult about that at least. I hesitate to terminate the accounts because my daughters are there part of the time and I don't want it to affect them. Im thinking of giving her a deadline to get the bills put in her name and then taking action if she fails to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author imanidiot1969 Posted July 16, 2014 Author Share Posted July 16, 2014 I need to get a lawyer. I HAD a lawyer, but I got rid of him for alot of reasons. He started a separation agreement and never finished it. I ended up paying this guy alot of money for basically nothing. But thats another story. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 This is a common situation and a problem in the western world. You've talk to her and instead of taking what you said seriously she insects that your gay or bi. She'll divorce you if she doesn't get her way. I don't think she has much respect for you. The sense of entitlement, selfishness, lack of respect and narcissism, she's fulfilling the stereo type of the western women. You married and now you're in a "damned if I do, damned if I don't" situation because if you divorce, well......let's just say she's not gonna have to pay those bills either way. There's really no solution here. Other posters are gonna tell you to talk to her, try and make her understand, but we both know that's not gonna work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 I was able to get my stuff. She wasn't difficult about that at least. I hesitate to terminate the accounts because my daughters are there part of the time and I don't want it to affect them. Im thinking of giving her a deadline to get the bills put in her name and then taking action if she fails to do it. I wouldn't hesitate. Like you said, she has chosen not to pay them. You make no mention of being unable to afford them, but that she has no intention of paying them. The only bill I would continue to pay is the mortgage as that's something that needs to be settled, I'd get my name off the rest. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 I need to get a lawyer. I HAD a lawyer, but I got rid of him for alot of reasons. He started a separation agreement and never finished it. Take the agreement he started & "finish" it yourself. Give that completed draft to your next lawyer to jump start the process & cut down on the costs. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 OP, a competent lawyer will impress you with their strategies to effect your goals once informed of your situation, generally at first interview, which can be free in some cases. In such cases, they will ask, at the end, 'would you like to retain me?' and you can decide upon your analysis of the interactions and it doesn't have to be then and there. Given the contentiousness here, I wouldn't make one move without the advice of competent counsel. Personally, I'd flesh out a global strategy with my lawyer and file first, getting appropriate motions in front of the court and starting the response clock for the respondent. Put them under the gun, so to speak. Sure, keep amicable avenues open but be clear about where the gun of legal action is pointed. Respecting you worked out the lockout, in my jurisdiction, all I need to do is call a locksmith, show them a scan (smartphone is fine) of my name on the property deed at the recorder's office, and they'll unlock and it will be legal. A property owner can't be locked out of their domicile without operation of law, which will be public record also searchable by contractors. This presumes you actually owned the home you were locked out of and your name is on the title documents of record. Anyway, hope for the best and plan for the rest. Anything can happen. Focus on the goal. No prisoners. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
M30USA Posted July 16, 2014 Share Posted July 16, 2014 (edited) Your situation with your father in law is almost identical to mine. Even to the point of him say he was "disappointed" in me (keep in mimd his daughter is the one who got arrested for assaulting me and she is the one who filed for divorce). You're never going to get him to see things the way you do. His daughter is right and you are wrong. Even if you were Jesus Christ, you'd still be wrong. I'm sure you could learn a lot from my story if you want to dig up my old posts from 2 years back. BTW, it sounds like your stbxw has some serious problems. She is a bully at the very least and possibly delusional. She gets convinced of something (you being bi even though you're not) and she runs with it. People like her could believe the sky is red and nothing you say would change their mind. Edited July 16, 2014 by M30USA Link to post Share on other sites
DivorcedDad123 Posted July 17, 2014 Share Posted July 17, 2014 This is a common tactic to alienate you from your kids. First,it's your house too. Break a window and let yourself in. Throw her stuff into the living room,put a lock on your bedroom door and camp out there. No police will do anything to you. You can't break into your own home. I'd then call the police and have her parents arrested for tresspassing. Get a digital recorder and keep it running all of the time. This is to keep you safe from false allegations WHEN she calls the police and claims domestic violence. Most importantly,get INSIDE YOUR HOME AND WITH YOUR KIDS! You leaving will be used against you in court as abandoment of your kids and you will lose,big! Prepare to live in pure hell,but know in the end it will be worth it. Talk to an attorney asap! Link to post Share on other sites
TheBladeRunner Posted July 19, 2014 Share Posted July 19, 2014 Get the courts involved to force the bill change, or have the accounts terminated. Then she will have to reactivate them without you on them. If the house is yours you have a right to the property and the authority will let you in to retrieve your things. The best way to deal with a narcissist is through legal action. Nothing but cold hard facts, as emotions will only be used against you. I dealt with one myself and once I cut the emotion and stuck to legal action things went smoothly in my favor. BINGO! This above. Mine was/is a mild narcissist and I was amazed how quick her tune changed once I disconnected and just let the lawyer handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
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