Tangy Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 I know people are going to eyeroll at me but I don't know what to do. I want out of my relationship because my husband is abusive. He had bouts of anger and then he's as meek as a lamb and then he'll have another bout, so it's a cycle. We've worked on this issue before and gone to therapy which helped but it seems like he stopped trying so the cycle is back in full swing and I just don't see an end to it. I know what my advice would be to someone in my position, but what am I supposed to do? I'm dependent on him for money (yeah I know, poor life decisions and moving around too much to accelerate his career). I'm unemployable, I'm trying and been trying for 5 months but it's always a no. So If I leave I won't even have health insurance. I definitely feel stuck. Damned if I do damned if I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
missjuli Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 Do you have any family nearby? Close friends who you can trust? A shelter? Anywhere to go where you can hide from him? No eyeroll here, just support. There has to be some way for you to get out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tangy Posted July 14, 2014 Author Share Posted July 14, 2014 That's part of my problem we recently relocated for his dream job across country far away from family and friends. I'm not in any immediate danger. He's in his meek as a lamb stage where he'll stay until things get back to "normal." But I don't want things to get back to normal. I could go check into a hotel, if need be. I feel like such a loser cause people leave with their kids who have no where to go. Here I only need to take care of me and my options are staying with the ******* husband or going back to daddy, still being dependent on a man. Like I said before, loser. I feel like the biggest failure. Should I get a lawyer and how on earth could I afford one? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 14, 2014 Share Posted July 14, 2014 That's part of my problem we recently relocated for his dream job across country far away from family and friends. Then why not go back to where your support is ??? There's an old saying "Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in". Might present a chance to get your life restarted. Also, you do know that half of everything you have as a couple is yours, right? And you may find ways through COBRA or AHCA for insurance coverage. I'm not advocating either go or stay. I'm just saying you may have some resources that aren't evident to you right now... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted July 15, 2014 Share Posted July 15, 2014 If you really feel unemployable, you might try school. Have you considered that? Are you an ok student? I am no career counselor, but I would start with seeking a specialized subject or trade in an area where there is a need for it. Loans might be another problem . . . possibly you'd be considered to have your husband's income, if still married. BUT, you could at least talk to the admissions dean somewhere, figure out whether you could get accepted, then divorce and apply for student aid. It is very possible to get accepted before you get the student aid. But I'd only suggest that if you have reason to think that you can get a job and pay back the loans ultimately. I am so sorry to hear that you are trapped like that. There has got to be a way to leave someone who is treating you poorly. How is your relationship with your parents? If it's a pretty healthy situation there, go lean on them and get a plan and some savings together, would be my advice. But these are only a couple suggestions . . . there has got to be a way. You are not relegated to a life sentence of this. Link to post Share on other sites
PerfectStorm Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 (edited) I'd try school and make a short term plan....if you believe you are not in danger. A certificate of some sort 6-9 months. Something that would make you automatically employable with a sustainable living wage. Think outside of the box for a woman. Welder maybe, machinist can make in the 6 figures if you want to do the work. Child care ceritifcare, start your own at home day care after you leave him. Whether or not you start school, there are jobs that will hire and the money is cash and not bad for the profession but the work is hard. Think waitress, cleaning houses. This way you can stash cash until you have a permenant plan. I know this all sounds menial but working from the bottom is hard, you'll have to do what you have to get out to survive. If you are in danger find a womens shelter immediately, they will help with resources. My mother went to one with us children many times before she left him. Edited July 21, 2014 by PerfectStorm Link to post Share on other sites
jakrbbt Posted July 21, 2014 Share Posted July 21, 2014 Child care ceritifcare, start your own at home day care after you leave him. Yes, I know a woman who makes her living simply watching two children full-time. She met the parents of these children at a kind of parents' gathering for a higher-end children's retail store. The store just had social nights where parents could meet. Anyway, she charged around $750 per child per month, for full-time care. Less expensive than most full-time day care around here (which is more like $1,000) but enough for her to live on with just two children. Depending on state ratio requirements and age of children, you could maybe take three. Just one more thought. Again, that might take some certification through a community college-- far from impossible for you, I bet. Link to post Share on other sites
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