Perfect marriage, and love, then WHAM!!!

[aarondgbelcher]

Hello all! My name is Aaron and I have been married to my wife Brandy for 8 years. We do not have any children and we were not planning for them either. We are both still young and enjoying life without kids.

We got married when I was 23 and she was 18. I am now 30 and she is 26, we will both be 1 year older in a month...

 

Brandy and I have had what anyone would call the closest thing to perfect that they have ever seen! Me, I would say the same thing, we were both very happy (it seemed), and we both love each other very much (I thought). Brandy has had some issues in the past with her friends. We both believe the same faith, non-denominational Christian-Sabbath keepers (not 7th day Adventist).

She was attending one of the splinter groups of Herbert W. Armstrong when we met, and I was as well. I knew that there was no real Godly work being done there, and we mutually agreed. I told her about Dr. Meredith and how he had formed the church that I had attended before, and that I have been researching it and found that there the true work was being done. We both decided to start attending there. She immediately was very pleased with her decision in doing so, and so was I. Fast forward 7 years, right after the Feast of Tabernacles, we come home and begin life as normal.

 

There was this young guy, around our age group that had been attending for some time, but we never really hung out with him. Another guy started attending not too long after that. We have since referred to them as "Thing 1" and "Thing 2", because of the drama that comes with them. I am getting ahead of myself here, but I digress to give you an understanding of where this is going. "Thing 1", is the issue here, "thing 2" is just a narcissistic turd...

 

We started talking more to "thing 1", and eventually we started hanging out with him, she started to talk to him on Facebook, and text and call him. Albeit, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary at first, we both talked to him a lot. Eventually as I got to know more about him, I started to distance myself from him. She seemed to grow closer. She talked to him a lot more and then a lot more. Sometimes to 3am on IM. I learned that she had been calling him for some time on days that I was at work, and sometimes he would call her. Sometimes the calls were an hour or slightly more, sometimes just 20 minutes. We have had several arguments over the last 8 months of knowing him, and they have all been about him looking at her too much. Brandy is a gorgeous, absolutely breath-taking young woman, she has a very innocent, exotic look to her that would attract any man. I understood that, but I was bothered more and more about the amount of ogling this guy was doing to her when we were at church or somewhere out with him. He talked a lot to her, and they seemed to be getting a little too close for my comfort and I approached her about it. We have had 4 major arguments about him, all of which the "D" word was thrown out, by me. I would tell her that, "if she keeps talking to him, and acting the way she is with him, we will end up in divorce." I would talk about how I cannot stand the amount of talking that they do, and how she sits too close to him, and the ways that she interacted with him was inappropriate for a married woman. A little background on her, she has only had me, she was never a promiscuous girl, and never was interested in dating or being with a guy.

 

When I met her, we got together the same way. We talked on IM, and then the phone, but at the time I was living in Cincinnati. We would talk on the phone for hours, go to sleep on the phone and wake up with each other. She and him would talk, but not to the degree she and I did, and it never really alarmed me too much to think something was going on behind the scenes. She always said that it was innocent talking, she never lead him to believe that they were anything more than just good friends. I read through their messages and they looked innocent enough. I was satisfied, but I told her to just not talk to him too much. To tone it down, because he was getting too wrapped up in her. She reassured me profusely that it was all innocent. We had these 4 arguments and the first one I threw out, "I'm going to leave", you know the, "I won't stand for this"-kind of talk.

 

Well each time she would tell me that it wasn't right for me to say that, and she was right. But, what am I supposed to say, she's not trying to stop the affection! It was growing and growing, and I never said anything to him, and I know that I should have now.

Fast forward to last Saturday, after church, she and I and a few other friends from church left and went to dinner. Thing 1 and 2 both texted her asking, "did she really just leave without saying anything to them?" I said, "you don't have to, you're my wife, and you don't owe them anything. He's been acting like a freaky creepy guy lately, don't respond." Our friends said the same thing, "it is weird, you are his (me)-wife you know?" She said she was a little creeped out by that too, because he is now seeming a bit too clingy. Well, that night I told her not to talk to him until the Saturday. I would pull him to the side and let him know how I felt, and ask him to just take a step back and that they both take a break from each other for a while. I wanted to test them both to see how deep this really went. They both claim to be just friends, and that they're not attracted to each other, that they are just good friends.

 

That week I did not talk to him and neither did she for a few days. I never said anything to him, I froze him out and I told her to as well. Being a wife, you submit to your husband will, as long as he is not crossing the line. I am not a controlling husband, and do not demand that my wife do hardly anything. She was very lacking in the cleaning and housekeeping part, the providing dinner, laundry, and caring for even the cat. She didn't work, and I told her that if she wanted to that was fine, but she didn't NEED to. Even when times were rough and money was so tight, I never asked her to get a job. I feel it is my place to be the provider, and asking her to do my job would be me taking a back seat in my responsibilities as a husband, and my faith that God will allow me to overcome the job slump and that a new job would come along. I worked in contract work mostly and sometimes the contracts had huge pay and others not so much.

 

I figured that since she had no outside the house job that she could do the house work that needed to be done. She used to be a little better about this, but the last 5 months, she has been slacking off. Seemingly less and less interested in being a wife, and more and more interested in the things that Thing 1 was interested in. She would listen to the music he liked, and the movies he liked, and drink the beer/alcohol he liked. Now, alcohol was never an issue with us, she and I hardly ever drank. Over the last 5 months she has had to have alcohol every time she went out. She never wanted to get any while we were at home, just whenever she was out. She all of a sudden had to start doing this “wooden-leg” thing with her alcohol. Claiming she was good at handling it, not knowing that she still showed a change within the first drink.

All this was just something I never paid much attention to, but since last week when I ask her not to talk to him at all, period, she had been nervous the whole week. She had been sick at her stomach since I brought up the fact that I was going to talk to him about how he looks at her, and how he has been interacting with her. She had been really worried and emotionally distressed about this whole thing, and she was so worried that he wouldn’t want to be her friend anymore. She asked me to just leave him alone, that it’s nothing, and that he’s going to hate her if I talk to him. She will be embarrassed, all the mumbo-jumbo. I told her that it needed to be done, and to just please wait until Saturday and let me talk to him. Sunday through Wednesday she was worried and sick and feeling very nervous, telling me not to talk to him, that it will get better on its own. Knowing that things have only gotten worse, I told her that it has gotten worse and that this needed to be done.

Well, Sunday through Thursday, this dude was coming UNWOUND! He called me three times, and texted me once and Facebook Messaged me once, asking what was going on. Then he started calling me friend and asking him what was going on. He literally was BLOWING up my wife’s phone! He called her profusely, and texted her profusely, then sent her 20 HUGE desperate FB messages pleading with her to talk to him. Only Saturday did I learn from him that he stopped by our house, but we weren’t there. Well, Thursday, she finally broke down and started messaging him, and unbeknownst to me, she was talking to him a lot that day. After she had started talking to him, her emotions waned, and she wasn’t worried so much, or sick, she was happy-go-lucky again… Friday night, I see her go to the bathroom and see her talking on messenger, she says she’s talking to her friend Deb. While she was, she left out the part where she was also talking to him! I had a feeling, so I logged into her FB account and sure enough, she was!

He sent a message and the little “POP”-sound came out of my phone and she looked immediately at me, and had this look of “OH CRAP!” I got very angry and just told her that I cannot believe that she went behind my back and did that. She had deleted her messages to him, so I couldn’t see that she was talking to him. We hashed it out, and it was all fine, and we went to bed all lovey-dovey again. So we went to church and he waited until it was time for services to start before he showed up. I waited for him at the door and told him we needed to talk after services, and to not leave. He told me, “I need another week, I’m still very aggravated.” I told him, “no, we need to do this now, this has been a long time coming.” He said, “yeah, we should have done this a long time ago.”

After services, I had a meeting for the song leaders, and then I went to talk to him. I told my wife before I went in, don’t talk to him, when he comes up to you, just tell him that he needs to talk to me first and that they could talk after. While I was in there, they had a full on conversation, about how this was all my idea, she never supported it, that she wanted to talk to him the whole week.

After he and I talked, I told him to not talk to my wife anymore, and the minister came in and sat with us, and listened to it all. He looked very emotionally distraught. For “friends” to be that way, it seems a bit extreme. After we left she wanted to know what he said, and I told her that he put all the blame on her, and that the whole thing was her fault. She was very upset, and said, “why would he say that? I have to talk to him!” I said we are not going to talk to him anymore, we are no longer friends with this person and I forbid her to talk to him anymore. She asked what the minister said about that, and I told her that he said that my attitude about it is wrong and we don’t need to cut off a friend. “However”, I said, “he doesn’t know the whole story, and when I call him tomorrow and fill him in, he will back me up on this.”

That night, she was telling me how she needed to talk to him and get answers. I told her, “just wait until Saturday, talk to him then, we all need time to cool off and just get our heads on straight, just wait.” I went to lay down, because I was so mentally exhausted and I had been fasting all day. As soon as I fell asleep, she snuck outside and called him. I woke up, and walked around the house looking for her, I go outside and she hiding in front of my car sitting on the ground talking on the phone with him. I went out there to get my phone that I left in the car, and see if she was out there. I just got my phone shut the door and walked back inside. I tried to listen to see what she was saying to him, and I couldn’t hear anything.

I walked outside and stood there looking at her boldly still talking to him! She came to me and said she called him because she needed answers and she told me she was going to. I said I told you to wait until Saturday, if I don’t kill the SOB it’ll be a miracle! She said, you can’t do that, and I said watch me! I went inside, got my keys and left. I was on my way to his place, and a lot of thoughts started pouring through my mind. One that really stood out was that there is something going on with them, and the only word I was able to make out that she was saying to him when I was trying to listen and the window was, “shoot him”. I put some pieces together that told me that she and him may have been planning to off me, by pissing me off to no end, and me going over to his place, busting down the door and BOOM! In Texas, you are legally able to use deadly force on someone for breaking and entering. I remembered that all, and said to hell with it! I went back home and she was talking to her dad on the phone then when I walked in.

She looked at me and said, I’m talking to my dad now, she said, “Dad, I’ll call you back”, and hung up. She said, “my dad wants to know if he is going to have to come and get me?” I said, if you cannot cut this thing 1 out of our lives, then yes, because there is no reason why you should be sneaking around to talk to “A FRIEND”. Honestly, what is she saying to him that I can’t hear? So she says, Ok! I’ll call my dad. She fakes calling her dad, and pretends to pack her bag. Little did I know, she had already told him to come and get her. By the time I got back home her bag was packed already and her purse was right by the couch end, just so she could grab it and leave. I never made the connection until later on. The next day I called the minister and told him that she left me, and the reason why. He said he wanted to meet with she and I. She refused, and met only with him. Later on he met with me. Her story had a lot of holes in it, and he was able to piece together the truth from her fiction pretty quickly. However, she had an effect on him with her crocodile tears, and she told him that this had nothing to do with Thing 1, but it was me, because every time we even have the slightest disagreement, I threaten to leave! I quickly shot that down with an example like, “yeah, I’m going to threaten to leave because I can’t find the remote and she was the last one to have it!”-Makes sense….

So, I told him the truth, the whole truth, that she left because she couldn’t talk to him anymore. The minister told me, I put a stop to that, neither one of them are allowed to communicate with each other. I forbade them from saying a word to each other. I said, “she will not abide by that, and neither will he!” Anyhow, he told me that she was saying that this has been a long time coming and that she left because of me.

Now, a little background on us… She and I seldom ever argued or had any disagreements, we hardly ever had even the tiniest spat. We weren’t perfect, but they were so few and far between that we couldn’t remember the last time we had one, except for the last one that involved him, and the one before that, that also involved him, and so on. Leading up to the very day she left me, she was loving on me just like normal, no issues, no unhappiness, nothing! That whole week, she would tell me how she missed me so bad while I was at work, and that she wants me to come home because she wanted to hold me… All kinds of mushy things, and no indication of unhappiness from her at all. We never even talked about any issues that she had with me. In-fact, about a month ago, I ask her, “am I good husband, and am I doing everything I should be to make you happy, and is there anything that I can improve upon?” She told me, you’re literally the perfect husband, you treat me so good, you love me so good, you make love to me so good, and you help me so much with my emotional issues, and I know no other man would do the same for me that you would.”

Now that she has been cut off from Thing 1, she doesn’t want to come home, she doesn’t want to be with me, and she wants to draw up anything she can to use against me to avoid coming home. She asked the minister, “do I have to go back?” He said, “no, you don’t have to go back, you can just as easily get divorced, and move on, but remember that the Bible says that you cannot get remarried because there is not legitimate reason to have left your husband. This is nothing that cannot be reconciled by counseling. However, with me there is reason for me to be able to get divorced and remarried, because sin in the heart, sin in the spirit means that if you have let the sin reach your heart, you have already committed the act in the eyes of God, and what she has allowed is known as ‘emotional adultery’, that’s what the minister called it. So I do have grounds for divorce and legal re-marriage in the eyes of God according to our belief in the way that Bible teaches.

I don’t want to get into a debate about my beliefs, because it is very hard for people to understand, I just want to know what you think. What should I do? How can I get through this? Why did she do this? Why is she now, doing everything she can to not come back to me, when we were completely happy before we met him, our marriage suffered some bad arguments ABOUT him after we started hanging out with him. We literally never had any other arguments other than arguments about him. So what is it that is happening here? Why did she leave me like this? Why is she taking all her anger out on me, when everyone that knows us, is completely shocked that she did this. They are all saying that they cannot believe that this is actually happening to she and I, because we never had problems. One friend even said, it is so bizarre because she actually said that she wanted to cut Thing 1 off and stop talking to him, because he was blaming her for all of the stuff that was happening, and that she wasn’t doing anything wrong with him.

Sorry for the novel, I felt it was necessary…

[whichwayisup]

Your wife (right now) isn't the woman you married.

 

Right now she's in a fog and has the grass is greener syndrome. I say, just let her go. As time goes on life is not going to be so peachy between her and this OM. Reality will set in, no more 'best' behaviour' and fun times...The sneaking around and having talks till 3am won't be the same or as exciting as it used to be.

 

File for divorce. Even if you don't actually GET divorced, she needs to see that you're moving on without her. You tell her you're DONE and to get ALL her stuff out of the house.

 

Then you'll see her react. You do nothing...She will be desperate and emotional, so don't cave into her crocodile tears... Let her 'live life' without you.

 

Until she wakes up and realizes what she's about to lose, nothing will change. She won't change or make any effort to fix herself and the marriage.

 

Sorry that she's done this to you. You seem like a good guy.

[ThorntonMelon]

Focus on your faith and your work, get a divorce lawyer, and put the screws to her.

[No Limit]

Divorce. She won't wake up until her fantasyland turns out to be not quite as fantasic as she thinks.

[worldgonewrong]

The first step to freedom for yourself, and listen well:

Eliminate all the "Why?" questions from your life.

It happened, or is happening. Period.

 

Second step to freedom: Metaphorically decline the invitation to her drama. Step aside and chase the Life YOU want, because she does not want Life with you. Period.

 

Third step to freedom: (worked for me) I am a man of faith too. HOLD FAST to that. It will fortify you, strengthen you, will elevate you above the maelstrom.

[GoBlue]

I am sorry for the heartache and pain. There is nothing easy about going through what you are experiencing. I really appreciated what worldgonewrong had to say and agree with him for the most part. I have not much more to ad except to make a recommendation. There is a book that I believe will help you immensely, it is titled Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis authored by Dr. James Dobson. It will give you very specific advice and outline steps you can take.

 

I too am a man of faith and I had my world come crashing around me five years ago. I still have not recovered. I have found great strength and encouragement, however, from my relationship with God and my relationship with other men who love and support me. You cannot make choices for your wife - you can only control yourself. I hope you will come to know the love of God in a very real and personal way and I hope your wife has a true change of heart. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

[aarondgbelcher]

Thank you all for your kind words, and support!

Through this ordeal, I have learned an exponentially large amount in just this one week, more than I ever have in my entire 30 years of life!

With 8 years of marriage and 10 years of my life reduced from being radiated along side of her, I don't want to throw away 18 years of life so quickly, I'm not ready to give up on her, and I think that she will see that she has made a terrible mistake soon.

This week has revealed to me that she in-turn was not interested in him in any way, but rather was ferociously protecting her own honor and pride (of which she is boiling over with), and she was really trying to find out why he said she was the reason. She knew she wasn't the cause, but deep down, I think she knew that she was wrong for not more firmly rebuffing his affections towards her. She has a terrible fear of conflict and is afraid of people talking badly about her (again, too much pride), and she had allowed that to provide the appearance of evil. That is what confused me, and made me almost go insane! It pains me to imagine hurting someone, makes me want to cry now when I think about what I was thinking at the time. I was just so enraged with pain and anger and confusion. I just never directed it at her, I never do.

She and I and the pastor should be meeting this afternoon. Pray for us please, this afternoon could mean she either comes home, or stays away for much longer, or God forbid, for good...

 

Much Christian Love!

[No Limit]

No offense but with what she's pulled up, even if she came back, I think you'd be better left alone and free from her... 'eccentricities'.

Besides, pride is the main reason why wayward spouses who turn out to be wrong with their "new love" never return. They just overstepped a line and went to a place they cannot come back from. Besides, waking up day after day being reminded of what they did isn't that much fun either.

[health]

Arron - I think you should let your wife AND church go. The church you go to almost sounds like a cult. You don't need church for God - you went to this church and found evil in it - some dude that's after your wife, and she hangs out with him. I say leave it all alone. Grieve - cause it will hurt.

Then focus on your growth. Also, try to be more concise next time. You wrote a book! Good luck!

[SmartDude]

OP, You are from a different world than I but perhaps I can offer at least some encouragement.

 

Divorce/separation can come at any time in life. Sometimes it seems as if there is no good reason for it. Your wife has shown signs that she is seeking affection from other men. This might mean nothing or it could be something really big.

 

Say she didn't like this guy, that is all good. What if she finds a guy she falls in love with in her search. And that is what it is starting to sound like, like she is searching for something else. Not being with you enables her to question if she wants to continue this marriage or not. She should be allowed to decide, even if her choice is not you. this will hurt if it happens my friend. Giving her freedom if she wants it is a loving act as well, often it is the last choice we would ever want to make. There is still hope, but at times like these hope becomes your enemy. Because hope MAY delude you at the moment when you need to act.

 

As for god and the church. Yes, there is the presence of god in church(sometimes lol).Your definition of god may differ from mine but that is of no consequence here. But let me tell you that if you are brought to the depths of pain through something as serious as your situation now, and probably when you think your drowning for the 20th time...That is when god will appear.

[ashleyjohn]

Divorce, is not the only option. You both need to talk, that too without getting into any argument. You can also talk to 'Thing 2' to discuss the matter and tell him, how his interference is affecting your relation with your wife.

[aarondgbelcher]

Well, She met with the pastor last night, she stood him up for the second time since my last post, but she basically outlined what her definition of sexual abuse was. She claimed that I was sexually abusing her because I was hurting her during sex, but what she described was not abuse at all. The pastor told her that it is normal for things like that to happen, if your husband's endowment causes you pain, you must take different positions. He told her that there is no reason for her to be doing this, there is no grounds for divorce here, and that I was not in the wrong from what she was describing. I know now where she got the "abuse" idea from too. Her mom is always on the crazy side, and her mom is a very vengeful person anyway. So she tells her mom all our sex secrets laying our entire sex life out in front of her and her father, and her mom goes to the whole family and spreads it around to everyone!! By her definition of what I was doing in sex with her that was hurting her was I was too big and I hurt her. The fact is though, that I did not intentionally hurt her, it was all just things that happen in the throws of passion. Sometimes during intercourse I went in too far, she would voice this to me, and I would stop and apologize profusely, and suggest we stop. Only she never wanted to stop, so I still fail to understand where my fault lies, and she fails to understand where she has gone wrong and refuses to admit her guilt. So I have left it all in God's hands, I cannot do any more, I have to wait for her to come to me when she is ready.

[No Limit]

I have to wait for her to come to me when she is ready.

 

I'm afraid the time required for her to come out of her stupidity and pride exceeds your lifespan. Move on.

[karnak]

By her definition of what I was doing in sex with her that was hurting her was I was too big and I hurt her. The fact is though, that I did not intentionally hurt her, it was all just things that happen in the throws of passion. Sometimes during intercourse I went in too far, she would voice this to me, and I would stop and apologize profusely, and suggest we stop. Only she never wanted to stop, so I still fail to understand where my fault lies, and she fails to understand where she has gone wrong and refuses to admit her guilt. So I have left it all in God's hands, I cannot do any more, I have to wait for her to come to me when she is ready.

 

 

I guess that sometimes being "too big" can be a problem.

 

Jokes asides, it's clear that your wife is really focused in terminating your marriage. The fact that she even uses your penis size as an excuse clearly shows that she's desperate in using anything as an excuse.

 

At least your story can serve as an example. Once, a female sexologist told me that a women NEVER uses a man's penis size as an equation for the quality of the marriage (unless the man has a micro-penis, of course). When a wife is using size as source of conflict (too small, too big, etc) it's just an excuse to hide the real motivations for the divorce (sometimes she already is involved in an affair - with a man with a smaller penis than the husband).

[aarondgbelcher]

I guess that sometimes being "too big" can be a problem.

 

Jokes asides, it's clear that your wife is really focused in terminating your marriage. The fact that she even uses your penis size as an excuse clearly shows that she's desperate in using anything as an excuse.

 

At least your story can serve as an example. Once, a female sexologist told me that a women NEVER uses a man's penis size as an equation for the quality of the marriage (unless the man has a micro-penis, of course). When a wife is using size as source of conflict (too small, too big, etc) it's just an excuse to hide the real motivations for the divorce (sometimes she already is involved in an affair - with a man with a smaller penis than the husband).

 

To be honest, this is still what I am afraid of, her wishy washy reason to leave me for good. Only thing is she never says "divorce", I asked my pastor "what she is saying, what is her goal for all of this, divorce?" He said, you know, I don't really know, she has never mentioned divorce, just that she cannot go back to you because you have hurt her during sex." One of the other things that she is complaining about is that I coerced her into doing other forms of sex she didn't want to, yet I told her from the very beginning and have told her throughout the years; "Sex is not that important to me, I don't NEED sex to be with you. Don't you EVER EVER have 'sex' with me, because married couples 'make-Love', if you're not involved and you don't want to or don't feel like it, come to me when you do, but don't ever just 'LET' me have sex with you!" The last several times that I can even remember she came to me for sex, and this thing that I "coerced" her into doing, SHE positioned me and coached me through the process and she climaxed while we were doing it, before I put on my condom and proceeded to please myself as well. Now here is another tidbit that I forgot to mention, we ALWAYS ALWAYS EVERY TIME, let her climax BEFORE I do, mainly because men go soft after they have climaxed and it kills the moment, there are those times where I don't go soft, but when we first got married I wasn't very experienced in sex because she and I were each others' first. So since I would go soft that is what we started to do, and it is so unpredictable when or if it will happen that I just make sure that she is always pleased first! That is a priority!

Now, does that sound to you like a man that is sexually abusive? I think many of you are right, she wants out, and I can't make her come back.

 

A little update, yesterday, she called me, it didn't come through and she texted me, so I called her back. She told me that I "coerced" her into doing something she didn't want to do, (like I said, she positioned me and coached me through the process and climaxed), and she said since I did that, she CAN forgive me, but never trust me again. I REALLY believe that most of this is her parents talking, and the other half is her looking at her life thinking what it would be like with the other guy. I Love her far too much to just let her slip away, if I can make her see she already has the guy she's looking for again, and make her fall back in-love with me, then we can be happy again. I just can't quit that easily on her, after all, I Love her with all my heart! 18 years of LIFE, 8 years of marriage-10 years of life sacrificed for her, equals 18 years! That is a lot of time to just throw away just because of her pride and selfishness that God can reveal to her in His time. When He does, she will see the light and she will be utterly heartbroken and see where she went wrong. You don't have to let people fall and stay down, you can always help them back up, no matter how much they have hurt you, that is why a woman NEEDS a man to help her along, and men NEED a woman to bring his stupidity back to reality.

We'll see where this all goes, she said she would talk to me later, so those of you who are religious/believe in God, please pray for us that His will be done. Those of you who are not, cross your fingers and toes for us, we really need all the help we can get!

God bless you all, thanks!!

[SteakandSalad]

This is so awful and messy I'm so very sorry you are going through this.

I am at a loss of what to say as I have no experience in marriage but I will be praying for you. I'm glad your Pastor isn't bias, good on you for surrounding yourself with good people. Stick to your guns. She is using every excuse in the book because she has GIGS...

 

What a reality check she is going to get!!

[aarondgbelcher]

This is so awful and messy I'm so very sorry you are going through this.

I am at a loss of what to say as I have no experience in marriage but I will be praying for you. I'm glad your Pastor isn't bias, good on you for surrounding yourself with good people. Stick to your guns. She is using every excuse in the book because she has GIGS...

 

What a reality check she is going to get!!

 

Thanks so much, I just recently went through several websites to look up hyperthyroidism, because she has no thyroid and the doctor just recently increased her thyroid, take a look at this...

 

The most common symptoms of an overactive thyroid include the following:

Goiter, thyroid enlargement, neck sensations - Not Applicable (no thyroid)

Weight and appetite changes - lost 15lbs in two weeks! (she has been fighting losing even ONE pound prior to the increase)

 

Pregnancy-related problems - NA (She cannot produce eggs)

 

Feeling warm all the time, sweating, thirst, fever - All the time after increase

 

Heart and blood pressure changes, fast heart rate, abnormal heart rhythms - She has complained of heart palpitations multiple times to me after the increase

 

Bowel problems, diarrhea - This is frequent as well

 

Fatigue, exhaustion - she frequently is very tired and doesn't know why

 

Muscle and join pain and fatigue - She says frequently "I feel like my bones are breaking"

 

Skin changes, blister-like bumps on the forehead and face, hives, itching, vitiligo. - She has some mild form of dermatitis rosacea, but it is not very bad at all, just tiny un-noticeable bumps

 

 

Skin patches on the shins and legs (Graves' dermopathy/ pretibial myxedema) - not that I have seen or she has complained about.

 

Hair loss and other hair changes - she has very long beautiful hair, it is always falling out somewhere!

 

 

Finger/nail changes, including swollen, wider fingertips and separation of nail

bed from skin - about two weeks prior to the change her whole toe-nail came off! (second to pinkie-toe)

 

 

Eye problems, including bulging, dryness, pain, redness, puffiness - She has had puffiness

 

Thinking/cognition problems, including difficult concentrating or making decisions, memory problems, and racing thoughts. - Her mind is always racing now, and she is always complaining of this

 

 

Changes to mood and feelings, including depression, mood swings, uncontrollable anger, irrational anger - BINGO!!! Irrational anger!

 

 

Panic and anxiety, panic attacks - this has not happened frequently, but she does have them

 

 

Fast reflexes, startling, tremors - not that I know of

 

Insomnia - as she has complained about since about two weeks after the change she hasn't been tired, and always wakes up feeling "drained"

 

 

Now I know that this is not like a-well now that's what it has been all this time! However, it could explain what has been driving this! My pastor has even said even Friday night that there is some under-lying reason, this is not like her at all! Whether it be an evil spirit or something like her thyroid hormone levels. So, it is something to consider! I have already called her doctor and I am going to schedule her for the next available appointment and get her levels checked. I'll update to any other changes, please keep praying for she and I, and pray that this is all that it is, because this would be so much easier for my heart to understand than just the way she has been acting!

Thanks so much!!

[bubbaganoosh]

Honestly, if it was me, I would pack the rest of her crap up, take it to her dads house, drop it off in the driveway and tell her to her to take her crazy ass someplace else. then Get an attorney, file and let her know that she can spend all the time she wants with thing 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10 and not to come back because your done.

 

Dude your being led around by the nose and she's got the reins. As soon as this started you should have put a stop to it.

 

You looked the other way and let it happen and that's your fault. Now your trying to put the genie back in the bottle and all that's going to happen is the same thing.

 

She has no intentions of listening to your pastor and if she accuses you of sex abuse, that alone should be enough for you to tell her to hit the bricks. That's inexcusable and a real hard thing for a guy to live down. She's smearing your name, reputation and your life and you don't need that.

 

Get a lawyer, have her served and be done with it.