AngelicEmbers Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 I have been having a hard time dealing with and coping with my husbands behavior for the past year and Im hoping I can get some support/real advice as to what is going on with him because I am at my limits as to what I can handle. My husband and I have been married since 2004, we were very much in love and have 3 children together (the youngest will be 2 in April). Last year early in the year I lost my job and we lost our place because of it, at the control and request of his parents he had to stay at his aunt's home 7 hours away in a big city so he could attend a college there and finish his studies and of course me and his 3 children have to stay up north without him. I did go down to see him frequently but all hell broke loose in March of last year. I noticed his personality changed, he became very snappy and angry at me on the phone all of the time and he would blame me for every little thing that went wrong with his life.Like Jeckle and Hyde he would call me almost every night telling me how much he missed/loved me and the kids. He admitted to me he was taking excessive amounts of an over the counter cough medication to deal with his anxiety and he started going to random bars all hours of the night. The drugs and alcohol made him talkative and outgoing when normally he wasnt. One night everything changed. He texted me around 2AM telling me he has been doing horrible things..he admitted he cheated on me with a random woman he met at the beach at a bar! He came clean and told me he only spoke with her for 2 weeks on and off and only had sex with her twice and that it was terrible and awkward. He admitted having no feelings for her and regretted it so deeply etc. He said it felt wrong and then called me crying about how sorry he was that he had done this and that he just cut off complete contact with OW, admitted to me he lied to her about being married and about having 3 kids and just cutting all conversation off was the best way. I was devastated! I never thought he was capable of doing this to me. I guess the drugs and alcohol will do it. I started getting severe pains in my stomach, I was urinating blood and after getting a full battery of STD testing at my doctor I found out my husband gave me Trichamonas! Talk about kicking me when im down! He apologized over and over again and vowed to do whatever it takes to make our marriage work....I was wrong. Since then he has been a 1st class JERK and NOT the man I married! Ever since the affair has ended he has been increasingly selfish and mean. He told me he would build back trust but when I asked him to see his phone he refused. He lies to me about really stupid non related things on a daily basis, he blames me for everything that goes wrong in his life, criticizes me constantly like my parenting and everything else he can think of and hes reverted to being a little kid again with his parents. Anything they want him to do? he does it. He refuses to give me his email passwords and doesnt want to re-activate his facebook account in case she finds him and uncovers his lies. He says he doesnt want to deal with the confrontation. Um he shouldn't care what she thinks! It looks bad! He should care what I think. She was a 2 week fling that he only hung out with 2ce and rarely spoke with. The last time he was here he left me sitting alone in the room all night long because his dad wanted him to watch TV all night. This happened every single night! When we get into fights he tattles on me to his parents and he NEVER acted like this before. Our latest fight? he says I backstabbed him and betrayed him because I bought a vibrator on his amazon account thinking it was not a big deal. I have not heard anything from him in almost a day. He watches porn constantly so I dont get it! I thought he would hit rock bottom and change realizing how broken our marriage is and do whatever it takes to make it so we can not only live together but also go to marriage counseling but all of his plans never work out. I cant believe anything he says anymore. I have tried being mature and talking about things with him and I either get yelled at, get told "i dont want to discuss this" or just get stonewalled. Ive tried to calmly tell him I want a separation because I feel hes no longer in love with me however, not only does he refuse to leave but goes on saying yes he still is in love with me but hes just "lost" and "needs help" and he will break out the apologies. Why wont he let me go? I honestly dont know if there is anything I can say or do to make him realize what he's become. I cannot wait forever for him to stop being like this, its killing me! I want my husband back before he cheated and derailed. Should i maybe avoid his texts and calls for a few days or a week? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 professional marital counseling. If that doesn't turn it around 180 degrees in a reasonable amount of time, then see a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
Eau Claire Posted January 18, 2014 Share Posted January 18, 2014 (edited) 'The drugs and alcohol...'. Huh...why did you be not kick him out immediately or call the police? Why would you tolerate anyone doing drugs being in the same neighbourhood as your 3 children.. Are you a responsible mother or not? As a nurse I see this all the time. Loser parents (hopefully you are not one). As I said, call the police and ask for a social worker. Edited January 18, 2014 by Eau Claire Link to post Share on other sites
Author AngelicEmbers Posted January 18, 2014 Author Share Posted January 18, 2014 'The drugs and alcohol...'. Huh...why did you be not kick him out immediately or call the police? Why would you tolerate anyone doing drugs being in the same neighbourhood as your 3 children.. Are you a responsible mother or not? As a nurse I see this all the time. Loser parents (hopefully you are not one). As I said, call the police and ask for a social worker. Oh I should have clarified it better, he was basically taking 18 robetussion OTC cough medication pills a day to "deal with anxiety" and then drank on top of it. This happened when I was living 7 hours north with the kids and my inlaws and he was going crazy hours away from me at his aunts house when he was supposed to be going to college there. We were not in the same home when he did all of this. I guess he liked his taste of freedom too much because he was a married guy acting like he was single. He has since stopped hurting himself with that stuff according to what he says anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
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