lifechanges Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) I have found a post of my wifes on a forum...ironic that we would be on the same marriage advice site... I demand too much colorful sexually creative things - role play, lite BDSM play - all meant to just add spice...but she does not enjoy any of it Killer is SHE NEVER EXPRESSED this to me. Never told me she does not like it - actually never told me what she likes.... 1 - Do I tell her what I found and discuss it? 2 - move on and let it just me something I know 3 - Make a plea to rewind and talk? WOW this really has socked me in the face to read something she feels but has not told me..... Help! Edited May 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed personal identifying info 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 Yes, I would discuss it with her. If you don't, you will perennially regret it. What do you have to lose? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
imtooconfused Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 My opinion is that you only bring up the subject within the context of marriage counseling. If you bring it up without a mediator, it might come off sounding accusatory and spiteful. A talented marriage counselor would be able to sort out the deeper feelings that you both have (and may not recognize). In the event the differences are irreconcilable, if that is revealed through counseling it will make more sense and there will be significantly less anger than if you fought over these differences on your own. You are already moving towards divorce so that door may already be closing anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ver13 Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 This is your M of 20+yrs you need to choose the right path for you in all of this. After this much time together if you can't talk to her about this now without the help of some MC there maybe nothing left to save. W feelings about your sexual activities and her part in them from her perspective can be a game changer. Just talk to her from the heart and tell the truth on how you found out, then shut the h*ll up and listen to how she feels about all of this. No words just ears when she's done thank her for trusting you with her feelings and do something about them if you can, not talk ... Do, you have nothing left to lose at this point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 This is your M of 20+yrs you need to choose the right path for you in all of this. After this much time together if you can't talk to her about this now without the help of some MC there maybe nothing left to save. W feelings about your sexual activities and her part in them from her perspective can be a game changer. Just talk to her from the heart and tell the truth on how you found out, then shut the h*ll up and listen to how she feels about all of this. No words just ears when she's done thank her for trusting you with her feelings and do something about them if you can, not talk ... Do, you have nothing left to lose at this point. I agree with the last sentence. If you're already going through the process, it can't hurt to bring all of that up. However, if you feel the relationship is too far gone, then it may be moot. Curious to read her post, though. Link to post Share on other sites
latergater Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) I have found a post of my wifes on a forum...ironic that we would be on the same marriage advice site... I demand too much colorful sexually creative things - role play, lite BDSM play - all meant to just add spice...but she does not enjoy any of it Killer is SHE NEVER EXPRESSED this to me. Never told me she does not like it - actually never told me what she likes.... 1 - Do I tell her what I found and discuss it? 2 - move on and let it just me something I know 3 - Make a plea to rewind and talk? WOW this really has socked me in the face to read something she feels but has not told me..... Help! Well, chances are, she is eventually going to come across your thread. And, then she will be "in the know" about you both posting on the same site. Cat is kinda out of the bag now. You used a certain select "word" in your post and from the start, when I read through it, I knew which post was the one written by your wife If she is navigating this site, it's only a matter of time until she finds this post. And yes, I would discuss it with her. She may deny it however, and say its not her. Edited May 23, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed personal indentifying info Link to post Share on other sites
robfos Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) My Ex did almost the exact same thing. After we got married we started "exploring" ways to have sex and spice it up. After we separated she started telling how much she hated doing some of those things. You want to know the crazy part? She suggested almost EVERY thing that we did and never once said she didn't enjoy them. I think part of it may be true, but I also think they want to validate themselves for leaving the relationship. My ex has blown up every bad thing that ever happened in our relationship and dumped it all on me. She has taken almost no blame for what happened. Granted, she also cheated on me so she has to doubly validate herself. It truly is amazing what people can do in their own minds. I have given up on trying to explain how I feel, because every time I do she starts listing all my faults and mistakes. If your wife is at a similar point, I would say it's not even worth it. She may have made her mind up about how she feels and if you confront her she is just going to try to bring you down even more. Edited May 23, 2013 by robfos 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PoopHappens Posted May 23, 2013 Share Posted May 23, 2013 I have found a post of my wifes on a forum...ironic that we would be on the same marriage advice site... I demand too much colorful sexually creative things - role play, lite BDSM play - all meant to just add spice...but she does not enjoy any of it Killer is SHE NEVER EXPRESSED this to me. Never told me she does not like it - actually never told me what she likes.... Help! I tried to get my wife to spice things up a bit too and was told she just wasn't into that kind of stuff Then I found out she was plenty in that kind of stuff, just not with me. Link to post Share on other sites
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