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Men and Sole Custody


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 13th April 2013, 6:33 AM   #1
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Men and Sole Custody

The "Femi-Nazi's" aka Feminist and the Women's Liberation movement has created a juggernaut of a propaganda campaign which has men believing that the divorce court situation is skewed against them. That the deck is stacked against them walking in the court.

There are many variables to getting divorce. But the one I would like to address is that of men getting sole custody of the children ~ regardless of age.

Its a myth and fallacy that men cannot be just as nurturing, giving, loving, sharing, mentoring parents as women can?

What is also a myth and fallacy is that men cannot get sole custody. Women most often get sole custody because men don't contest such.

But the FACT is that in the 10% of the cases in which men seek sole custody?

They receive it a whopping 90% of the time! (Source Nexus/Lexus ~ a very expensive paid database used for reserach and case studies)
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Old 13th April 2013, 9:11 AM   #2
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All of us need to get past this "He said ~ She Said business"

This "He did this and she did that business!"

Divorce is Hell! And not just for her? And for you? But for the entire family ~ children and all.

I'm big on looking at the three fingers I'm pointing at myself to the one that I've got pointing at someone else!

I've lost my daughter, my son ~ I'm estranged from them, and its 23 years hence and they call another man "Daddy" and I've been told that that "My Daddy has done more for me than you have!"

Well Yea! I set it up that way!

I put YOU and your brother before myself! I gave your lying, cheating, two-timing Mom, EVERYTHING but the clothes on my back to you, your brother, and your Mom from a twelve year marriage?

I'm very much at a Crossroads of telling them?

"You are NO longer of my family, my life, my world, my existence, my fiber, my Life!

YOU ARE DEAD to me and I am dead to you!

Its not like I'm a dead-beat worthless SOB! I paid over a $100K in child support! And yes I know that there's much more to being a Dad than just money!

The XHEX took the CS and used it to make DHX3 look like a Saint! While making me look like a dead beat Dad on skid row!

But I can't suffer after 23 years of the disrespect, the humiliation, the dishonor, eating crow, eating ****!

The "Straw" that broke the camels back?

My daughter referring to me by my first name! Of hearing a word despite repeated efforts on my part from my son! For ten years or better!

Divorce is a SOB! And I initially took any and everything of it and about it upon myself to make it as easy I could on my daughter and son ~ and would gladly do so again.

I just didn't anticipate the unconscionable consequences and understand that others didn't and don't hold words like "Honor, respect, trust, integrity the same way that I do?
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Old 13th April 2013, 9:38 AM   #3
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As anecdotes, my best friend and a prior good friend whom I've lost contact with both sued for and received sole custody of their kids. In my best friend's case, it was two pre-adolescent daughters. This was decades ago. Both men are now grandparents and have been remarried for 25-30 years.

Your circumstance reminds me of my father's, where his wife left him while on active duty overseas and he essentially never saw his daughters again, though I did see a pile of canceled child support checks. IMO, had he been more assertive, circumstances might have been different. However, I'll never truly know what combat and his family abandoning him did to him. He appeared to be a balanced and assertive role model for myself, but we prosecute different parts of our lives in different ways sometimes.

No doubt divorce is tough, on everyone. Good luck.
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Old 13th April 2013, 11:21 AM   #4
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I'm struggling here not to get just stupid ~ but get seriously stopid!

Not make short term decisions with long term consequences!

Pride cometh before the fall and all!
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Old 16th April 2013, 1:03 PM   #5
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Gunny, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you have gone through this. My current bf is going through the same thing with his daughter. She is getting older and is believing the lies her mother and my bf's other ex are telling her instead of just talking with her dad. It's become difficult and painful

As a sidenote, I have to disagree with the courts not being "kinder" to women in divorce and custody battles just from what I've witnessed. My bf's ex was pretty much handed everything she wanted while my bf has had to fight just to see his young son 2 full days a week. On top of that what he is expected to pay in child support is insane. If we weren't living together, he would not be able to support himself for what he pays in child support for both his son and daughter. Plus on top of that we do try to help out with other expenses for his son whenever the mother asks. Which I know is our "fault", but he wants to be there for his son any way he can and I agree with that 100%.
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Old 16th April 2013, 3:37 PM   #6
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Thanks for your support AHoleLotOfCrazy and for sharing your story. Its just insane some of the stories that I hear.

It just shouildn't be this difficult for a man or woman to be a parent.
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Old 16th April 2013, 4:05 PM   #7
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I don't know any background story to this post but I just wanted to say that it is ridiculous for either gender to discriminate against the other when it comes to the custody of kids.

How can a gay couple be allowed a kid (which is fine) but a single male can't be allowed his OWN daughter/son?! Same goes for women.
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Old 18th April 2013, 1:02 AM   #8
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I'm a frog hair away from FOREVER turning my back on my children and telling them:

"I am dead to you and your are dead to me! You are no longer of my family, I am no longer of yours! You are no longer of my blood, and I am no longer of yours!"

This is not a short term decision ~ and I fully well realize the long term consquences of it. And once I make up my mind? Its a good as set in stone!

And I understand totally and completely where their mindset comes from ~ their Mother ~ with her parential alienation? And I completely and totally understand where that comes from? Her NPD ~ Narcisstic Persoinality Disorder ~ and a I completely understand the dynamics of where that comes from ~ her life ~ her childhood.

And I totally and completely understand the need of the "cheater" to project and "gaslight" the non-cheater into not only thinking and believing that the reason that they're cheating is totally and completely their fault?

But the XHEX has taken this to a whole and entirely new level into convicng our chilldren that I am the one that's the loser, the one with the issues, the problems. Which I know is total BS, because everyone that I know outside of the XHEX, knows me to be the exact oppossite.

I know it hard to understand the mentality of someone such as myself? A MARINE!

Most perople don't join the military? And of those that do? They don't join the Marines? Of those do? Half of those don't make it through Marine boot camp? Of those that do? Half of those don't complete half of their initial four year enlistment? Of those that do? Most don't re-enlist? Of those that do? Half don't make it through their second enlistment? Of those that do? Half don't make it through their thrid enlistment etc. Only 1/2 of a MAN out 100 make it to do 20 years in the Marine Corps?

I'm not asking for my DD to choose between her Mother and SF?

I'm only asking for four little words?

"Daddy! I love you?"

Hell! I'd just settle for her to call me "Daddy!"
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Old 18th April 2013, 1:30 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gunny376 View Post
I'm a frog hair away from FOREVER turning my back on my children and telling them:

"I am dead to you and your are dead to me! You are no longer of my family, I am no longer of yours! You are no longer of my blood, and I am no longer of yours!"

This is not a short term decision ~ and I fully well realize the long term consquences of it. And once I make up my mind? Its a good as set in stone!

And I understand totally and completely where their mindset comes from ~ their Mother ~ with her parential alienation? And I completely and totally understand where that comes from? Her NPD ~ Narcisstic Persoinality Disorder ~ and a I completely understand the dynamics of where that comes from ~ her life ~ her childhood.

And I totally and completely understand the need of the "cheater" to project and "gaslight" the non-cheater into not only thinking and believing that the reason that they're cheating is totally and completely their fault?

But the XHEX has taken this to a whole and entirely new level into convicng our chilldren that I am the one that's the loser, the one with the issues, the problems. Which I know is total BS, because everyone that I know outside of the XHEX, knows me to be the exact oppossite.

I know it hard to understand the mentality of someone such as myself? A MARINE!

Most perople don't join the military? And of those that do? They don't join the Marines? Of those do? Half of those don't make it through Marine boot camp? Of those that do? Half of those don't complete half of their initial four year enlistment? Of those that do? Most don't re-enlist? Of those that do? Half don't make it through their second enlistment? Of those that do? Half don't make it through their thrid enlistment etc. Only 1/2 of a MAN out 100 make it to do 20 years in the Marine Corps?

I'm not asking for my DD to choose between her Mother and SF?

I'm only asking for four little words?

"Daddy! I love you?"

Hell! I'd just settle for her to call me "Daddy!"
"I come you upon bended knee, with respect, upmost honor, reverance to you, your family, your people, your clan, your tribe, your religion, your nation and to Allah! With tears in my eyes I BEG of you! DON'T F**k WITH ME OR I WILL KILL YOU!!!!!" ~

Marine General James Mattis, to Iraqi tribal leaders

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Old 18th April 2013, 9:32 AM   #10
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I would have petitioned for sole custody but my lawyer advised against it for the reasons that you've stated. She has family all over here, I have none. She was SAHM for 4 years, I worked. She had accused me falsely of child abuse (which has now officially been "ruled out" by CPS). My lawyer said we'd be more likely to get what we ask for if we ask for little bit less. He said this its important to retain "credibility" in court. Lo and behold the judge evidently thought her family support was the biggest factor above everything else and he gave her primary custody.
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Old 18th April 2013, 9:13 PM   #11
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A very interesting post and one the wrenches at my heart big time. I love my daughter very much and can't imagine getting into the situation that you are in Gunny. But I couldn't ever imagine being in the situation I am in right now. My wife has become a very proficient and prolific liar. Why? I don't know. I just could never imagine it. it's been over 25 years for us and here it is. We're not Marines but we lived with a code of watching each others backs. We put ourselves into many life threatening situations and were always there for each other. It turns out that forever isn't as long as I thought it was.

Don't give up on your kids Gunny. If you haven't done so, sit down and tell them the whole truth, as much as they can stand or will listen to. Then you can leave. I've kept a detailed record of my wife's infidelities because I know I will eventually have to "publish" it. Lies are such powerful things once they start to set with time.
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Old 19th April 2013, 6:47 AM   #12
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I understand where they're coming from and where that comes from. Its nothing more than parential alienation, selfishness, self-centeredness, narcissism on my XHEX's part.

Its really not complicated at all!

And most definately YES for anyone with children going through divorce / seperation that has kids? Keep very detailed records, notes, journals ~ you most definately will or may have need of them later! I kid you not ~ and I'm talking years in the years later.

I'm 56, my parents divorced when I was six. I was still finding out details and information ten years ago when my father died that I never knew?
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Old 19th April 2013, 10:12 AM   #13
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As powerful as lies are, truth has a way of slowly loosening the bonds of those lies that entrap us. Most of us like an easier, softer "reality" and that's why lies are so easy to sow. But after a while we know that there is something wrong, that we haven't got it straight and although it ain't easy, swallowing a dose of truth can work wonders on one's personal self worth. I did that some years ago before ever meeting my wife, when I was still in my twenties, recovering from several years of alcohol abuse. It's easier cleaning out a badly overflowing toilet with your bare hands at a cheap hotel than looking deeply into oneself. The view is often not a whole lot different. Eventually my wife is going to have to deal with her own version of this toilet and no matter what I say will keep her from it.
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