It Really Stinks To Have To Make This Choice....

[eddiemike64]

Hi everyone - I am very new to this BBS, & I am very gratefull that it is here.

 

The reason for this post is as follows - My Wife & I have separated, I moved out last weekend, we had pretty much agreed that this needed to happen. We agreed in principal to give this 6 months or a year, then take another look at the situation at that point, and either proceed with a divorce, or not -( I'm not really sure what "Not" means just now )- The reason for the separation began 16 or so months ago. She started becoming distant towards me, cut off all bedroom activities, and flat out refused to discuss it. The only thing I can really get out of her as far as a reason is that she has "Grown into a different person" There has not been any abuse, infidelity ( For certain not on my part, and she would have no time to, herself ) She says she is just not interested in that with anyone.

 

Anyhow, this has been dragging on for sometime now. I suggested Counseling on several occasions, and she said no, other than the one time she suggested using her Sister for the Counselor - who, by the way is not a Counselor, just her Sister. I feel that I have tried everything I can in order to preserve this Marraige, not only for the sake of the Marraige, but also for our 2 year old Son. We are both pushing 40, and knew what we were getting into when we got Married.

 

The biggest question I have now is this: It has been strongly suggested to me by friends to have as little contact with her as possible, even though we seem to get along just fine -( I know this sounds weird )- She wants to keep in contact and also to have at least one conversation a week. I am just getting very tired of this situation, one one hand, I want to tell her to buzz off completely, and head to the courthouse, but on the other, I really want things to work out.

 

She is wanting me to pay much more than I feel is fair for Child Support -( She has a good job, and we make about the same money )- I sent her an email last night suggesting that she go down to the courthouse and file for temp Child Support, since we can't seem to agree on how much it should be, then maybe we should let the court decide, and just deduct it from my check each week.

 

I am thinking of just cutting off all communication with her for a period of time, I think she needs to know that I am reaaly tired of this, but at the same time, I don't want to ruin whatever chance there might be to somehow patch this thing up. My friends think I should go and find a date, promply. I'm just not sure that is the answer here, though some kind of companionship & a confidant would sure be nice.

 

Ok, thats it, I have rambled more than long enouph thank you in advance for your patience in reading this, and for any advice you might be able to give.

[clia]

Basically all the court does to determine child support is use a formula. (It does vary sometimes.) Here's a link, so you can determine which one of you is right...

 

http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/Childsupport/iowa/

[Tony T]

I don't really understand what a long separation is going to do improve your relationship. She has already stated she has grown out of the needs she once got fulfilled from it and time and space is just going to put even more distance in there.

 

The two of you should have friendly contact for the sake of your child. I don't think you ought to formally cut contact but just make it minimal. If you have any hopes for getting back together with her at all, you ought to keep any dating you do extremely quiet and discrete. However, from what you have written it sounds like she is going through some major shifts in her life...maybe it's hormonal...maybe not. But I don't give this marriage a big chance. Be sure in whatever you do make it easy for your child. Both mom and dad are needed.