Becoming intolerable

[Ataal]

I know many of you won't read this because it will be kind of long but I need to get a feel from other people out there.

 

My wife and I got married after five years of living with each other. Within two months of our marriage, she lost her job. At first she was really gung-ho about finding a new one, but later gave up altogether. It was rough having only one income but it wasn't impossible. However, eventually bills started not getting paid. I would receive shut-off notices that were two months old and ask her about them and her response was that she would call them and straighten it out. She paid the bills because I tend to work sixty hours a week at times and am always on call, so it's just easier for her to run to do the errands since she wasn't working.

 

Then, she started making a lot of trips to California to see her family, sometimes a day or two, sometimes a week. Well, one morning I get a call from Lake County Jail in California saying my wife was in custody for transporting "meth" across county and state lines. This apparently was the reason the bills weren't getting paid, she had a serious drug problem that I was never aware of. It took me a week, but I was finally able to bail her out of jail. She told me that she was sorry and just wanted to come home. I was in shock, but it was my wife, I love her, and figured we can get through this together.

 

We get back to Nevada, and she's very humble about the whole thing for a month or so, but things started happening. She started breaking our plans to go hang out with her friends a lot. We only have one car, and she sometimes would just stay there with the car and I would have to walk to work(she never called). So, fast forward about 7 months to present day, she hasn't slept here for about a month, and it's probably been 3 months since we've spent an entire day together. She always has an excuse as to why she can't come home, she's always "in a hurry" so we can't even talk about it. When I do broach the subject, she says "we're fine" and that she'll be home tonight to talk about it and work something out. Well, I've been hearing that for months now and I'm not sure what to even think about this whole thing. I've brought up separating, and even divorce but she somehow turns everything back on to me and it's all my fault and I get the guilt trip of the century, the worst part is, I really believe it until she leaves again, and I do a homer's "D'oh!" So, here I am paying all her bills, probation fines, cell phone, cigarettes, etc... and she doesn't even live here nor does she spend any time with me. BUT, "we're fine, you're just freaking out, maybe you should go to the doctor to get some pills to make you feel better". I'd laugh, but I'd probably starting crying mid-chuckle.

 

So, is she just taking advantage of me paying all her bills and she can go do whatever she wants? Or am I just someone who needs to go on prozac and let her do her thing?

 

Is separation a good first step?

[Curt]

Yes, I'm thinking separation is a great idea for you just about now. Oh...especially separate her from the bank accounts, charge cards, etc.

 

Who are these "wonderful" friends that she is hanging out with? They sound like they are probably such....umm....unique people.

 

Get out now, while the gettin is good.

 

Curt

[GIZMO]

I agree with Curt.. Make sure you get the credit cards, bank accounts, all access of money out of her name!! Make sure you start handling all of the bills on your own.. Don't let her take control of the money and then bring you down with her.. I would also talk about going to marriage counseling with her and maybe a program for people who are addicted to drugs... If she gives you a line that you guys can talk later, then tell her no, you need to talk now!! You are her husband! Take a stand, don't let her push you around!!!

If you keep letting her push you around, you will be sitting there and taking her crap, you will just keep sitting there feeling like crap about yourself.. Stand up to her! Tell her you both need to talk. If she leaves and will not take the time to talk about things with you.. Then I would most definitely start thinking of letting that woman go..... and find someone that can love you as you love your partner..

 

I hope you understand what I am saying, and trust me when I say, when you take a stand for what you believe in, you will feel a little better about yourself..

 

I hope you understand what I am saying.. .

 

Good luck