How do I let go

[Tragedi67]

I have posted two other posts on this website and have not got the feedback I really wanted, but oh well. I feel very alone right now as I have been separated from my husband of one year for over a month now.

 

I see him before work(we work at the same place) and it just chokes me up because I see him with another woman that he works with and has been seeing since we've separated. All I really want is to tell him that I love him, but he doesn't say anything to me when I tell him that I miss him and love him.

 

He doesn't call me on our days off, and I find myself moping around craving to hear his voice or see him. We were together three years and it just seems like such a heartache to let him go. He plans on filing for divorce but just has not served me with the papers yet. He has been mooching off of this girl who is ten years older than him and lives with her parents.

 

He has been sleeping over there for a couple months now. His relationship with this woman started as an emotional affair now he's told me that he's slept in her bed. So how do I get strong enough to let him go and hope that he'll see what he's lost once it's gone. I was devoted to him, I'd do anything for him, but I pushed him away with my silence and my addiction(drugs).

 

I realize what I've done wrong and now he is just so distant and all I want is another chance to show him that we could work through our problems instead of him running away from them.

 

I GUESS WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS HOW TO I LET HIM GO? I think of him everyday and wonder if he's thinking of me. I've been to counseling for over a month now and he never once went.

 

I want him back so badly, but he showing me signs that he's already moved on.

[MercyRose]

There are two issues here:

 

1. Move on

2. Acceptance

 

To move on you must cut contact.

 

To cut contact you must accept its over.

 

There is an inkling of your realization that he has moved on. Its a baby step towards acceptance.

 

But to seal the deal he cannot be in your face or in your life.

 

Find another job so you can fully accept its over in time, and finally move on with your life.

 

Even though he left you possibly because of your drug addiction he doesn't have to flaunt that he's moved on in your face with some woman in the office. He is also heartless.

 

You have lost nothing.

 

Also, you cannot make anyone who doesn't want you to want you again.

 

In fact the more you tell them you love and miss them, the more they don't want you.

 

Move on physically, then mentally, then emotionally and find your soul again.

[lonelygirl2003]

I know what that you are going through, Me and my husband of six years seperated four years ago now and I did the moping and crying all the time when we split up also. I begged him to come back to me, 'cause I couldn't even begin to visualize my life without him, but the more I tried to open up, the more he backed away and eventually hated me for it.

After awhile, I closed those feelings off to him, even though I still love him with all my heart, I just don't show it infront of him anymore and we have became very close friends. I have to stay in contact with my ex for we share custody of our child, but I would rather have him as a close friend than nothing and you really can't make someone love you. They have to do that all on their own.

My advice would be to quit acting like you care, 'cause he might just realize that you aren't going to be there for him no matter what that he does and come back to you, but even if he doesn't then maybe you can learn to be friends. I wish you the best and I know that it probably doesn't seem like it right now, but you will get through this and be just fine.

[GIZMO]

I know what you are going though, I currently work with my ex as well. And I know how hard that is... People say, that when you are breaking up with someone, or getting a divorce to not talk to your ex for a few months, but what people don't understand is that when you work with someone, you have such easy access to talk to them. So, don't feel like you are the only one going through this, because you are not..

 

You have done everything in your power to hold on to the love that you and your husband had, and now, your husband has moved on.. You have told him how you felt about him, you have been very honest and open with him.. If he does not see that the two of you can work things out and he is not willing to get help ( marriage counseling ) then its best to let him go..

 

There is a saying something like, if you love the person set it free, if it was meant to be it will come back to you.. Try to show him that you are strong and you can handle this...

 

You will get through this, try and talk with family and close friends.. Try and keep yourself busy.. Do not sit in the house and cry day after day, try and keep busy.. Do some new things to your house.. Decorate differently.. Pay attention to what YOU need, and what your needs are..

 

 

 

It can only get better from here..

 

I hope everything works out for you, and I wish you the best of luck..

[phillysbaby0031]

well hope this gets to you i've been where you are withthe exception of a (drug habbit). fitst of all you ed to love yourself and worry about you now. your problem is gettin yourself strighten out. not worrying about him.then you will find the rigt man for you who will fall in le with te new improved you. unserstand what i'm trying to tell you? was the marrage good int the fist place? i was married for 13 years and they were all hell .

 

i didn't know how to let go but i fineally did let go. the love does fade and the pain goes away. you ned to renew yourself our important once you realize that you will be happier without him!!!!

 

if he loved he would of stuck by you to help you thru your addiction and support you thur this .....thats love and commitment and amrrage being there for better or for worse....so fear not my friend you will make it i believe in you

if i can do it i know you can smile i'm here for you.good luck nad god bless you.