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My wife "needs" to have sex with other men


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Old 20th October 2009, 3:59 AM   #1
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Red face My wife "needs" to have sex with other men

Hi there,

Since a couple of weeks, my wife and I have broken up. We do live together and we are friends but she doesn't want a relationship anymore. We do not spend a lot of time together since we both work or follow lessons in the evenings but when we're together it's quite ok.

Problems started when she met another guy which was much more stimulating at that time and she began dating him, althought I don't think they have a relationship. I cleaned up my act and our life is much more exciting now, but she still insists that we have to separate.

The season she cites for this is that she feels the need to sleep with other men and she doesn't want to hurt me with that. She says she sometimes need to sleep with other men cause they need it. And she 'has to do it', like it was predestined. Like a sort of god (or destiny) calls her to do it.

I have a hard time dealing with this because I have the feeling some psychological factor causes this behaviour. But I'm not sure it's a lack of confidence, or a lack of freedom in the relationship, or something else.

Someone with ideas abut this?

Thanks in advance, guys!
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Old 20th October 2009, 6:25 AM   #2
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Is your wife referring to having an "open marriage"?
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Old 20th October 2009, 7:26 AM   #3
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She just wants her cake & eat it too.......

Have you around to pay the bills & still feel like she is connected to someone & then play like she was a teenager again.
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Old 20th October 2009, 8:14 AM   #4
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that's a unique way of saying I "i wanna be a ho". best thing you could do is hand her her bags and don't let the door hit you on the way out. she's just using you for a place to stay.
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Old 20th October 2009, 8:37 AM   #5
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Sounds good to me, actually. I'd halve the bills, keep her around to do the cleaning, and once in a while bring women around (maybe she can join in?).

After a while though, I think it was too much stress, so I'd recommend leaving her.

If there's too many emotions involved, I recommend going right to leaving her.
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Old 20th October 2009, 8:47 AM   #6
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No offense, but she sounds absolutely bat sh*t crazy. Either that or its what she thought would anger you the most.
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Old 20th October 2009, 10:02 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by filiph View Post
Hi there,

Since a couple of weeks, my wife and I have broken up. We do live together and we are friends but she doesn't want a relationship anymore. We do not spend a lot of time together since we both work or follow lessons in the evenings but when we're together it's quite ok.

Problems started when she met another guy which was much more stimulating at that time and she began dating him, althought I don't think they have a relationship. I cleaned up my act and our life is much more exciting now, but she still insists that we have to separate.

The season she cites for this is that she feels the need to sleep with other men and she doesn't want to hurt me with that. She says she sometimes need to sleep with other men cause they need it. And she 'has to do it', like it was predestined. Like a sort of god (or destiny) calls her to do it.

I have a hard time dealing with this because I have the feeling some psychological factor causes this behaviour. But I'm not sure it's a lack of confidence, or a lack of freedom in the relationship, or something else.

Someone with ideas abut this?

Thanks in advance, guys!
At least she's honest about it.. she told you she wants sex with other men.. a lot of people don't say a word and just go out there and get it..

The strange part is her 'sex mission' ...
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Old 20th October 2009, 10:25 AM   #8
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Your wife doesn't want a relationship with you any more? Wants to screw other men? You're probably dealing with a mix of confusion, fear, anger, shame, and every other volatile emotion right now.

Taking action is a pretty good way of cutting through the emotional static, though. I think the best action at this point is serving her with dicorce papers, asking her to leave, and cutting off all financial support (including seperating any accounts and canceling joint credit cards).

Do you two have any kids?
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Old 20th October 2009, 2:03 PM   #9
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How long after she agreed to getting married and being monogamous did this "need" become apparent? Did she ever NOT "need" to sleep with other men? Prior to getting married, was there ever a discussion about her "needs" concerning monogamy? Does she "need" you to sleep with others too or does she "need" you to remain monogamous?

Does she have any history of illegal drug use? Are there medications she is suppose to be taking that she might have stopped taking?
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Old 20th October 2009, 2:29 PM   #10
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Originally Posted by sally4sara View Post
How long after she agreed to getting married and being monogamous did this "need" become apparent? Did she ever NOT "need" to sleep with other men? Prior to getting married, was there ever a discussion about her "needs" concerning monogamy? Does she "need" you to sleep with others too or does she "need" you to remain monogamous?

Does she have any history of illegal drug use? Are there medications she is suppose to be taking that she might have stopped taking?
Hi. This "need" became apparent after 4 years being together and being married 6 months. There were never discussions about this before. Now, she indeed thinks I should date other women too, to get over the "exclusivity part".

One strange thing though: the first years we had sex like once or twice a week but the last year, we had sex every night and it was great. However, about a week ago, she said it was totally over and we don't sleep together. This is quite confusing off course. I don't think she's sleeping with someone though..
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Old 20th October 2009, 2:31 PM   #11
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Unhappy

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Originally Posted by GorillaTheater View Post
Your wife doesn't want a relationship with you any more? Wants to screw other men? You're probably dealing with a mix of confusion, fear, anger, shame, and every other volatile emotion right now.

Taking action is a pretty good way of cutting through the emotional static, though. I think the best action at this point is serving her with dicorce papers, asking her to leave, and cutting off all financial support (including seperating any accounts and canceling joint credit cards).

Do you two have any kids?
Yeah, we have two kids (one from a former marriage of her). I considered your proposal but I'm afraid this will drive her in the arms of someone else.

Right now, I'm acting happy and going out with other women. However, I wonder whether she's getting nervous 'cause I date other women or for the lack of drama..
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Old 20th October 2009, 3:02 PM   #12
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I don't know, I'm starting to smell the stench of a troll here..
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Old 20th October 2009, 3:10 PM   #13
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I don't know, I'm starting to smell the stench of a troll here..
I wish it was true.. :-(

Why do you think so?
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Old 20th October 2009, 3:12 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Lizzie60 View Post
At least she's honest about it.. she told you she wants sex with other men.. a lot of people don't say a word and just go out there and get it..

The strange part is her 'sex mission' ...
Indeed, I have no idea what it means. Does she really believe it or is it an easy way to hide the real reason (there's not much to say to a divine mission, is there?)..
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Old 20th October 2009, 3:18 PM   #15
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I'm going to ask again about drug history and possible medications she might have stopped taking based on the following part of the OP:

"she cites for this is that she feels the need to sleep with other men and she doesn't want to hurt me with that. She says she sometimes need to sleep with other men cause they need it. And she 'has to do it', like it was predestined. Like a sort of god (or destiny) calls her to do it."

Mental issues?
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