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CAN SOMEONE PLEASE ADD SOME THOUGHTS ON THIS


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Old 26th March 2002, 11:16 AM   #1
roger
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up-date

I wanted to up-date you on my last post.

Anyway to cut a long story short. I had given my wife of 6 years some space to figure herself out, because she had been wound up like a clock, nervous and avoiding me. So I left but she wants me to come back later.

She had been unemployed for 9 months, generally had the blues and was not sure about our future together and said she didn't want to get into a routine?

Anyway, it's been 6 weeks now since I left. She has found work. She's not going out 4-5 times a week with her friends.

She now comes home tired and exhausted.

Basically I have let her chase me for phone calls and SMS messages. Anyway, I saw her over the week-end. It's like if nothing happened.

She wanted to know what I was doing over Easter. I said that I had 3 invitations to join friends to go overseas.

She really wanted to know where I was going and to let her know when I was coming back etc.

She also wants me to keep in contact by SMS and telephone calls ( because I have basically let her do all the chasing).

She said if I don't let her know she'll put a tracking device on my arse... LOL. I didn't know she was possessive!

Can someone please explain to me why she wants me to come back later when things have cooled off but at the same time says that she's not sure of our future and doesn't want to get into a routine? Doesn't this statement contradict?

I am some sort of safety net for her?

Is she trying to tell me that o.k you are coming back but things have to change i.e. me?

Thanks for your input
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Old 28th March 2002, 9:48 AM   #2
roger
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CAN SOMEONE PLEASE ADD SOME THOUGHTS ON THIS

I wanted to up-date you on my last post.

Anyway to cut a long story short. I had given my wife of 6 years some space to figure herself out, because she had been wound up like a clock, nervous and avoiding me. So I left but she wants me to come back later.

She had been unemployed for 9 months, generally had the blues and was not sure about our future together and said she didn't want to get into a routine?

Anyway, it's been 6 weeks now since I left. She has found work. She's not going out 4-5 times a week with her friends.

She now comes home tired and exhausted.

Basically I have let her chase me for phone calls and SMS messages. Anyway, I saw her over the week-end. It's like if nothing happened.

She wanted to know what I was doing over Easter. I said that I had 3 invitations to join friends to go overseas.

She really wanted to know where I was going and to let her know when I was coming back etc.

She also wants me to keep in contact by SMS and telephone calls ( because I have basically let her do all the chasing).

She said if I don't let her know she'll put a tracking device on my arse... LOL. I didn't know she was possessive!

Can someone please explain to me why she wants me to come back later when things have cooled off but at the same time says that she's not sure of our future and doesn't want to get into a routine? Doesn't this statement contradict?

I am some sort of safety net for her?

Is she trying to tell me that o.k you are coming back but things have to change i.e. me?

Any thoughts?
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Old 28th March 2002, 10:38 AM   #3
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Re: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE ADD SOME THOUGHTS ON THIS

It sounds to me like she's got something else going. That's why women usually ask for space. When things are going positive or are hopeful with her other interest, she could care less about you. When things aren't going great, she wants to know where you are.

Yes, she is using you for a reserve...or safety net at you say.

You need to be a man, to put your foot down, and either commit to both of you going to counselling and getting your marriage back in good working order or cutting her loose.

Right now, you are conducting yourselves like tiny children. This is NO WAY TO LIVE. Either she wants to be with you and you with her or the two of you want to be apart.

In the next few days, have a good talk and decide which way it's going to be and make a firm commitment in that direction. No more of this silly baby behavior. It's insane. The two of you are adults so please give adults a good name and conduct yourselves accordingly.

If a marriage is not going to last, the problems usually get pretty bad in the sixth or seventh year. But if you get over this hurdle, chances of success grow from this point.

I hope you can work things out but doing it in a mature, adult fashion. Any woman who goes out 4 or 5 times a week partying with friends is going through a second childhood or some other crisis. It just isn't normal. Get her checked out by a counsellor.
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Old 28th March 2002, 10:44 AM   #4
Ed
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Re: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE ADD SOME THOUGHTS ON THIS

No one knows why she is acting this way except her. You will have to ask her. If she says she doesn't know either, then all you or anyone else can do is speculate.

Although it might help you to have an explanation for this behavior, it still comes down to, 1) How do you feel about it?, and 2) What are you going to do about it?

If you have a problem with the way she has treated or is still treating you, you have to decide what you are willing to put up with and for how long. If you don't have a problem with it, then it doesn't matter why. Just choose not to worry about it.

You really need to talk to her about all this and see what she has to say. If you don't like the explanation(s) she has to offer, tell her you don't and tell her why.

I suggest that you live your life to the fullest and, in the process, don't spend a great deal of time hanging around people that are disrespectful of you or others.
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Old 29th March 2002, 12:44 AM   #5
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Re: CAN SOMEONE PLEASE ADD SOME THOUGHTS ON THIS

I think it would reasonable to date some, after all this is your wife! Marriage counseling could help, but have you tried asking her what has changed her mind and her mood?

Is she completely sane after taking this new job? Or is it just something to keep her mind off of what was bothering her in the first place?

THATS what you should find out. The questions you post here, can only be asnwered by your wife. Take things slow, continue seeing her, ect. and get to know her again.

Sounds like she still hasnt found herself.

Quote:
I wanted to up-date you on my last post.

Anyway to cut a long story short. I had given my wife of 6 years some space to figure herself out, because she had been wound up like a clock, nervous and avoiding me. So I left but she wants me to come back later. She had been unemployed for 9 months, generally had the blues and was not sure about our future together and said she didn't want to get into a routine? Anyway, it's been 6 weeks now since I left. She has found work. She's not going out 4-5 times a week with her friends. She now comes home tired and exhausted. Basically I have let her chase me for phone calls and SMS messages. Anyway, I saw her over the week-end. It's like if nothing happened. She wanted to know what I was doing over Easter. I said that I had 3 invitations to join friends to go overseas. She really wanted to know where I was going and to let her know when I was coming back etc.

She also wants me to keep in contact by SMS and telephone calls ( because I have basically let her do all the chasing). She said if I don't let her know she'll put a tracking device on my arse... LOL. I didn't know she was possessive! Can someone please explain to me why she wants me to come back later when things have cooled off but at the same time says that she's not sure of our future and doesn't want to get into a routine? Doesn't this statement contradict? I am some sort of safety net for her? Is she trying to tell me that o.k you are coming back but things have to change i.e. me?

Any thoughts?
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