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Here is my story:

 

I have been married to a wonderful man for the last 5 years. He is kind, and caring,loving, generous, smart, funny, and my all-round hero. We have a wonderful relatinship in that we enjoy each others company, understand and accept one another and live very comfortably with each other.

 

The problem: I have no physical attraction to this man, and never really did. Our sex life is non existant, and it has been over a year and a half that we have had any intimate contact other than small kisses on the cheek and the odd hug. At first my husband would try to intiate sex but after being turned down so often, doesn't bother even trying anymore, which is fine with me.

 

At first I thought I could handle a marriage without sex because all other aspects of our marriage is good. But about 2 years ago I realized I am a sexual person, and do need that contact and intimacy in my life, which has led me to have an affair.

 

I've asked my husband numerous times if he wants to continue in this marriage the way it is (no he does not know about the affair) and he has said yes, he loves me dearly and doesn't want to lose me.

 

Should I set us both free by divorcing him, and risk never meeting another man as wonderful as him?

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Divorce your husband.

 

He deserves an honest relationship without betrayal of his trust and the chance to find a better woman that loves him.

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Should I set us both free by divorcing him, and risk never meeting another man as wonderful as him?

 

What if you set you both free by divorcing him, and risk meeting a man who fulfills you completely?

 

Yes, it might be hard, or actually take some work on your part, but just think if it's possible...

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He is kind, and caring,loving, generous, smart, funny, and my all-round hero. We have a wonderful relatinship in that we enjoy each others company, understand and accept one another and live very comfortably with each other.

 

Go down the retirement home? Look around? Most of the men there? They all look about the same? As do the women?

 

IF you're fortunate enough? You'll end up old age having lived a life with a kind, caring, loving, generous, smart, funny guy who you enjoyed his company for forty, fifty, sixty years, who accepted one another and that you lived with very comfortably with each other for all those years?

 

Naw! Scracth that! Dump his @ss! Go find yourself someone that's "Hot" and that you've got the physical "hots" for! Someone that's not caring, loving, generous, smart, funny, who you can't stand, that doesn't accept you and that is going to probally cheat on you, (because he's "Hot") and give you one of those "gifts" of nature that keep on "giving! ;)

 

Yea! That's the way I'd go! ;)

 

Its like the old "Meatloaf" song? "Two out of Three Ain't Bad?"

 

The most powerful and potent part of the whole sex thing is the brain? You turn out the lights ~ and if he's skilled enough? (He can be taught ~ and he can learn) and "bidda~bang, bidda~boom? Turn out the lights? You're making love to Brad Pitt! :laugh:

 

With a little research? You'd be surprised how much of this is bio-chemical/hormonal driven.

 

There are more female briths than male briths, so from the start? There are more women than men? Then?

 

Men tend to do crazy things like jump out of perfectally good airplanes, smoke, drink too much, do drugs, rob banks, go to prison for up-teen years, have werid sexual fantasies, want to become women, decided their gay, find out their gay, bisexual, molest children, run away with sixteen year old chearleaders, beat their children, their wives, their girlfriends? All kinds of crazy stuff up to and including dying young!

 

Leave a husband and a relationship such as you've described? I say, "Yea! Go for it!" Go find yourself a "Chippendale" gay ~ I meant guy! :p

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Go down the retirement home? Look around? Most of the men there? They all look about the same? As do the women?

 

IF you're fortunate enough? You'll end up old age having lived a life with a kind, caring, loving, generous, smart, funny guy who you enjoyed his company for forty, fifty, sixty years, who accepted one another and that you lived with very comfortably with each other for all those years?

 

Naw! Scracth that! Dump his @ss! Go find yourself someone that's "Hot" and that you've got the physical "hots" for! Someone that's not caring, loving, generous, smart, funny, who you can't stand, that doesn't accept you and that is going to probally cheat on you, (because he's "Hot") and give you one of those "gifts" of nature that keep on "giving! ;)

 

Yea! That's the way I'd go! ;)

 

Its like the old "Meatloaf" song? "Two out of Three Ain't Bad?"

 

The most powerful and potent part of the whole sex thing is the brain? You turn out the lights ~ and if he's skilled enough? (He can be taught ~ and he can learn) and "bidda~bang, bidda~boom? Turn out the lights? You're making love to Brad Pitt! :laugh:

 

With a little research? You'd be surprised how much of this is bio-chemical/hormonal driven.

 

There are more female briths than male briths, so from the start? There are more women than men? Then?

 

Men tend to do crazy things like jump out of perfectally good airplanes, smoke, drink too much, do drugs, rob banks, go to prison for up-teen years, have werid sexual fantasies, want to become women, decided their gay, find out their gay, bisexual, molest children, run away with sixteen year old chearleaders, beat their children, their wives, their girlfriends? All kinds of crazy stuff up to and including dying young!

 

Leave a husband and a relationship such as you've described? I say, "Yea! Go for it!" Go find yourself a "Chippendale" gay ~ I meant guy! :p

 

But there are guys out there like me, 6'1", 170 pounds, athletic, chiseled face, rock hard abs...with a master's degree, good income, caring, sensitive, who listen, take advice, are good with kids, and who love and will die for our women...

 

I would just hate to have my soulmate settle for a lesser man because I didn't come around until next Tuesday...

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Chrome Barracuda
But there are guys out there like me, 6'1", 170 pounds, athletic, chiseled face, rock hard abs...with a master's degree, good income, caring, sensitive, who listen, take advice, are good with kids, and who love and will die for our women...

 

I would just hate to have my soulmate settle for a lesser man because I didn't come around until next Tuesday...

 

That's cool, but when she cheats on you and give you an STD then your tune would change. Soulmate my ass! lol.

 

Trust me I've learned the hard way that women these days only look after themselves. Your not gonna find a woman who's gonna have your back.

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:mad:

 

That's cool, but when she cheats on you and give you an STD then your tune would change. Soulmate my ass! lol.

 

Trust me I've learned the hard way that women these days only look after themselves. Your not gonna find a woman who's gonna have your back.

 

 

SPARTIANS!

 

FOR WHAT DO YOU LIVE FOR?

 

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?

 

 

RAAAGHHAH! RAAAGHHAH! RAAAGHAH! :mad:

 

HONOR~!

 

FAITHFULLNES!

 

INTEGRITY!

 

TO thy own self? Be true!

Edited by Gunny376
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That's cool, but when she cheats on you and give you an STD then your tune would change. Soulmate my ass! lol.

 

Trust me I've learned the hard way that women these days only look after themselves. Your not gonna find a woman who's gonna have your back.

 

I believe you, but I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that if she founda soulmate she would be faithful and true to him...

 

I've had a woman who's had my back...my ex, in some ways...we both tried very hard... there are many reasons things don't work out.

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Chrome Barracuda
I believe you, but I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt that if she founda soulmate she would be faithful and true to him...

 

I've had a woman who's had my back...my ex, in some ways...we both tried very hard... there are many reasons things don't work out.

 

I dont belieeve in the soulmate theory anymore. I dont know why alot of people on this board are so blinded to it when thety engage in affairs. I have seen women trade in good men for drug dealers and ex cons only to have their eyes punched out! Drug dealers who poison there own people, and get them hooked on heroin! weed with embalming fluid.

 

I've seen some crazy stuff.

 

Now the thing is just because the grass is greener or it appears to be doesnt mean it always is.

 

Well miyamoto things could work out but when you have one partner detroying it from their end by their actions what can you do to repair it, if the other wants to destroy it?

 

But when your both actively making it work then it can.

 

It takes two to rebuild it, but only one to destroy it!!!

 

Gunny, you know I got my Crimson Spartan cape on!!! lol.

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Should I set us both free by divorcing him, and risk never meeting another man as wonderful as him?

 

Better that you set him free to find a truly good woman than to cheat on him again.

 

Hopefully there are no children involved.

 

Have you considered couples counseling?

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[quote

 

It takes two to rebuild it, but only one to destroy it!!!

 

Gunny, you know I got my Crimson Spartan cape on!!! lol.

 

Spartians know Spartians!

 

"Vets know Vets!

 

"Solider ON!! :mad:

 

Suck it up! And deal with it! There's the "way it is?" and the way its suppose to be? Freaking deal with it! Tha difference is called "Reality!" That's just the "way"it is! Deal with it! Yea! It sucks! But that's the way it is! That's reaity!

 

At the end of the day?

 

I'm a happy camper with just three "hot meals and a cot" :laugh:

 

The rest?

 

Nothing but "GRAVEY!"

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And oh yea!

 

Dry socks! HATE SOGGY SOCKS & combat boots! :p Trenchfoot and all peeling flesh ! Yuk! Love a GOOD pair of socks!

Edited by Gunny376
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My sister has a relationship very similar to yours. They have been together for over 20 years. She isnt wildly in love with him, not very attracted to him physically, and yep, once, she was interested in someone else, nothing came of it, but she was physically attracted to someone else.

 

He is very good to her. Takes very good care of her, almost babys her. He makes her feel safe and loved. Its a type of best friend type of relationship. But she knows that it isnt greener on the other side either.

 

And after going through a breakup of a relationship of over 26 yrs, and I would love to have my ex husband back, I can tell ya, the grass isnt greener on the other side. We didnt break up over someone else, but after 4 yrs of being separated, I fell in love with my ex again, but unfortunately, he is with someone else now and isnt really interested in getting back together.

 

They say sex is as much mind, as it is physical. You have to change your mindset. Get help for the both of you to overcome this hurdle. Does he have to change the way he presents himself to you? I know that with my sister, she felt that he stopped taking care about the way he looked. And he knew that he almost lost her once, and changed a lot of things to improve himself inside and out.

 

If you can work this out, I would. What i wouldnt give to feel someone loves me as great as my brother in law loves my sister, and as your husband loves you. There are different types of love. Not one love fits all. If he fulfills your emotional needs, then the physical will come with just some changes and some help with professionals. Read books on the subject, do special things together, get away together. Sex is a mindset! Change your mindset! But dont quit the relationship quite yet. Try to make it work. Change how you do things, think of things. Maybe he needs to be more romantic..maybe you do. But it would be a shame to throw away a wonderful relationship over something I feel can be changed. Because honestly girl, you may never find the 100% man out there, that will give you everything you need and want. It isnt any better out there..trust me. You can end up with a guy that you have great sexual chemistry with, but doesnt even come close to meeting your emotional needs.

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My sister has a relationship very similar to yours. They have been together for over 20 years. She isnt wildly in love with him, not very attracted to him physically, and yep, once, she was interested in someone else, nothing came of it, but she was physically attracted to someone else.

 

He is very good to her. Takes very good care of her, almost babys her. He makes her feel safe and loved. Its a type of best friend type of relationship. But she knows that it isnt greener on the other side either.

 

And after going through a breakup of a relationship of over 26 yrs, and I would love to have my ex husband back, I can tell ya, the grass isnt greener on the other side. We didnt break up over someone else, but after 4 yrs of being separated, I fell in love with my ex again, but unfortunately, he is with someone else now and isnt really interested in getting back together.

 

They say sex is as much mind, as it is physical. You have to change your mindset. Get help for the both of you to overcome this hurdle. Does he have to change the way he presents himself to you? I know that with my sister, she felt that he stopped taking care about the way he looked. And he knew that he almost lost her once, and changed a lot of things to improve himself inside and out.

 

If you can work this out, I would. What i wouldnt give to feel someone loves me as great as my brother in law loves my sister, and as your husband loves you. There are different types of love. Not one love fits all. If he fulfills your emotional needs, then the physical will come with just some changes and some help with professionals. Read books on the subject, do special things together, get away together. Sex is a mindset! Change your mindset! But dont quit the relationship quite yet. Try to make it work. Change how you do things, think of things. Maybe he needs to be more romantic..maybe you do. But it would be a shame to throw away a wonderful relationship over something I feel can be changed. Because honestly girl, you may never find the 100% man out there, that will give you everything you need and want. It isnt any better out there..trust me. You can end up with a guy that you have great sexual chemistry with, but doesnt even come close to meeting your emotional needs.

 

WORD UP! :mad:

 

i DON'T NEED A WOMAN TO COOK AND CLEAN FOR ME! O' I know all about that ! I don't need a woman to wash my clothes ~ GrandMaw taught me all about that! What GrandMaw did't teach me? I learned in the Corps! Granddad taught me how to hunt, lay a trout-line, how to bag a buck ~ how to live off the land!

 

BOTTOM LINE?

 

There's more "Good Old Girls" than there are "Good Old Boys" ~ If you've got yourself one? You'd best hang on your @ss to him!

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Well it all came out in the open today. The affair, the lack of attraction, all of it, and you know what? He knew all along. He just couldn't bring himself to face it, but ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away.

 

I've been searching for something for a long time now, some sort of purpose or meaning but have found myself very directionless and frustrated. I jumped into an affair, thinking this was what I wanted, this was what I was meant to fight for, how enormously wrong I was. I also thought marriage would fulfill me, but I now know that no one can do this for me, it's something I have to do for myself.

 

I need help, professional help to get me to where I want to be. I honestly think if I can find happiness within myself, then I can have happiness with my husband. I have promised him with everything in me to work as hard as possible to salvage our marriage and better myself. What remains to be seen is if he can forgive me, believe in me and trust me again. Do I deserve his forgiveness? probably not. Do I deserve his love? probably no to that one too, but I want to be the person who does truly deserve him.

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Hum..maybe he's OK with it because, just like you, he has someone on the side.. who knows? I wouldn't be surprised..

 

I can't see how anyone can be married and have no sex at all.. doesn't make sense to me.. sex is a 'physical need' ... :o

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but I want to be the person who does truly deserve him.

 

If you want to deserve him then do everything possible to be faithful, honest, loving, supportive...work through your problems in the marriage that led you to cheat. Don't blame him for your choice to cheat - You both have communication issues, he knew all along you were cheating, yet stayed quiet about it, or pretended it wasn't really happening. You were/are unhappy in the marriage and didn't tell him, so instead you went outside of the marriage to try to feel happier. It didn't work.. You're hurting, he's hurting...Your lives have been turned upside down.

 

Go to marriage counselling, give your marriage atleast a year, if not more, to give it your best. After a year, if you still feel unhappy in your marriage, then divorce. Both of you deserve happiness but if it's not with eachother, then it's time to say goodbye and move on.

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If you want to deserve him then do everything possible to be faithful, honest, loving, supportive...work through your problems in the marriage that led you to cheat. Don't blame him for your choice to cheat - You both have communication issues, he knew all along you were cheating, yet stayed quiet about it, or pretended it wasn't really happening. You were/are unhappy in the marriage and didn't tell him, so instead you went outside of the marriage to try to feel happier. It didn't work.. You're hurting, he's hurting...Your lives have been turned upside down.

 

Go to marriage counselling, give your marriage atleast a year, if not more, to give it your best. After a year, if you still feel unhappy in your marriage, then divorce. Both of you deserve happiness but if it's not with eachother, then it's time to say goodbye and move on.

 

I agree with everything you wrote. We do need to figure out what and why led us to do things we have done. Like I said in my previous post, I am going to give it my all, 100% and if things don't work then at least I know I did my very best. As for my husband, well, he still needs to figure out what he wants to do. The can of worms has been opened, and I sit and wait to see what becomes. He left about 3 hours ago (needed space, I don't blame him) and I don't know if he's coming home tonight are not. As for him having someone else on the side, I'd bet my right eye that he doesn't. He just doesn't have the selfishness required to have an affair.

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