Wow, where to begin. So many sad stories here and now mine will be one of them.
The title pretty much says it all. My wife and I have never had a "marriage bed" in 18 years of marriage.
We are both 36, high school sweethearts. I've only dated 1 other girl briefly. Both attractive (wife is especially beautiful).
1989 Married at 19 with a baby 7 months later. The baby promptly went in between us in the bed. Pretty happy times though. I went to college, she stayed home.
FF to 1997, I'm working at a decent job as a surveyor, wife is still raising our daughter and my son is born this year. Daughter is moved to her own room and son now is between us.
I keep waiting, and waiting and waiting.
11 years later- My son moved to his own room just last year...and my wife went with him. She has worked so hard to make our kids completely dependent on her that my son actually want her to sleep with him every night.
I sleep alone (Sleeping single in double bed, just like the song
Our sex life has went from WOW! when we were dating to once a month if I'm lucky.
We have no alone time, communication time, date time. For my birthday last year all I asked for was one date alone with my wife. We went out to eat together and she promised we would start doing that once a month. -We didn't.
I'm sick of complaining to her about it. She says she loves me but can't separate herself from the kids.
Her father was bipolar, spent time in institutions, her parents divorced, and recently her dad remarried a woman younger than my wife, died 3 months later and left everything he had to the new wife, specifically writing my wife and her brother out of the will.
To make matters worse she says she now has vulvadynia (pain of the vulva) and suffers pain all the time. Somehow she still manages to wear thong panties, and walk miles at a time (for her health she says). I believe she does hurt sometimes, but I also think she uses it as an excuse to avoid intimacy.
The shape of our marriage is partly my fault for trying to be "too" supportive, and not being stern enough about my feelings.
I'm about at the end of my rope. I've been through 3 very tough years trying to work through all this. One week I love her so much it hurts, and the next I'm so hurt I just want her to leave.
She told me a month ago that she was never going to be able to make me happy. I told her I wanted a wife not a roommate. She says she is not good enough for me, that she is worthless and everyone would be better off if she had never been born. She says she is going to get a full time job so she could afford to move out. Then she changed her mind and begged me to give her another chance (one of many).
She still has not tried to move out of our sons bed and treats him like a deity.
She is a good wife. She's always worked hard, kept a great house, loved the kids, but she's always been the type of parent who thinks her job is to make the kids as happy as possible when sometimes they need "tough" love to grow into the adults they need to be.
In all fairness, I've been a good husband as well. She gets comments all the time on what a good husband she has.
I've never cheated on her, she's never cheated on me (that I know of since being married, but she did when we were dating), but she seems to desire "attention" all the time from everyone. For instance when she walks, she could walk at the track, but prefers to walk up and down the sidewalk where everyone can see her (she says its because of the differing terrain).
I feel like I've spent the last few years being unhappy and unloved. I want things to CHANGE! I'm a schoolteacher now, and we barely make it on my salary and hers combined. If I could afford it I think I would have already left.
I know she has been through a lot with her parents, and there is something that has happened to her in the past that she says she can't tell me about (abuse of some kind?), but how long can a person go on feeling unloved, and neglected as a man? How can I make her understand how wrong our situation is?