LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Separation and Divorce

Why do men leave home permanently, yet never divorce?


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Old 30th October 2007, 6:58 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 64
Why do men leave home permanently, yet never divorce?

I am looking for insights from men who leave their wives, maintain a friendship with their spouse, have no intention of returning home,
yet do not follow through with a legal separation or divorce.

Why not follow through---Please share.
head.heart& hand is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th October 2007, 7:14 PM   #2
Established Member
 
LucreziaBorgia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Silent Hill
Posts: 9,555
I'm living that way now. My H and I went through our emotional separation three years ago. We continued to live together, but in separate rooms for a while until he got up the money for this townhouse he was saving up for. When he got the money together, he moved out and got his townhouse. I stayed here. In my state, the only thing you have to do to prove that you are legally separated is to be living in a separate residences.

From that day, you have a year and a day until you can file for divorce. We were going to file in June, but the way things are going there really isn't any reason to. Neither of us are seeing anyone now, and the only thing a divorce would accomplish for us is that it would set us back several hundred dollars, and we would have to go to court since we have a child together. So... why bother?

Its not like we hate each other or anything. We are still very much a part of each other's lives, great friends (with no romantic or sexual complications) and consider each other family and stuff like that, so staying married on paper isn't exactly a drawback.

I expect that one day we'll reach a point where it will become necessary. We were going to go ahead with it since I was planning on starting a life with my boyfriend, but since he dumped me there really isn't any urgency there now. If my exH found someone, and wanted to start a life with her then I would have done the same for him.

Married, divorced, seeing other people - no difference with us, really. We will have the same relationship regardless. I guess sharing a child has a large part to do with that, but we were great friends before our child came along and will remain so for the rest of our lives.
__________________
Take what is handed to you, and hand it back twice...
LucreziaBorgia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th October 2007, 7:40 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Enema's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,155
Possibly I'm naive on the subject, but I would imagine it stems from both being a painful hassle and being very costly.
__________________
Suppose we've chosen the wrong god, everytime we got to church we're making him madder and madder. - H J Simpson.
Enema is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th October 2007, 8:17 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Saxis's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 1,971
Quote:
Originally Posted by head.heart& hand View Post
I am looking for insights from men who leave their wives, maintain a friendship with their spouse, have no intention of returning home,
yet do not follow through with a legal separation or divorce.

Why not follow through---Please share.
Because men get reamed in the arse with a red hot poker in divorce court....
Saxis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 30th October 2007, 9:24 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: ♫ ♥ █♣█ ♥ ♫
Posts: 3,571
My ex did the same. Left, had no intention of coming back, yet did not file for the divorce. After 5 months of waiting for his sorry ass to get the ball rolling, I filed.

I asked a mutual male friend why he would leave and yet not file for a divorce. He said "He just does not want to be married to you. Right now, in his mind, he's not married to you. That's enough for him".
dgiirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 31st October 2007, 2:40 AM   #6
Established Member
 
shadowofman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NC USA
Posts: 2,252
Same reason that I'm not getting married in the first place. Too much damn hassle.
__________________
A daughter of hope and fear, religion explains to Ignorance the nature of the unknowable.
-Ambrose Bierce
shadowofman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 1st November 2007, 3:06 PM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by head.heart& hand View Post
I am looking for insights from men who leave their wives, maintain a friendship with their spouse, have no intention of returning home,
yet do not follow through with a legal separation or divorce.

Why not follow through---Please share.
I look it it from my perspective. I have been married 11 months in PA. If I file for divorce my wife can file for what is called "alimony pendent lite", this means "alimony pending litigation" and if she wants it lasts for 2 years. This is 40% of my after tax income she gets. She does not work but is a student. That is just simply unfair - 11 months of marriage and she gets 2 years of this "alimony pending litigation". And this is a no fault state - so nobody has to be at fault. It is for this very reason I'm hesitating about filing - in fact right now I try to be on good terms with her and give her money just so I don't get hit with the 40%.

She can get this for 2 years by simply not agreeing to the divorce terms. After 2 years of separation the courts in PA force the divorce.

I do not blame women or feminist movement for this insane law in PA. I blame the lawyers - because they know by having this crazy law there end ups being more legal fees. With the money ( money that I work for ) she can pay lawyers to go after me. It is so insane. It is just crazy. My lawyer tells me just settle with her if at all possible - just pay her a big junk so she doesn't invoke the nuclear alimony pending litigation.

I really have no recourse except I have a couple of aces in the hole. 1st is since we have been married real estate has taken a big hit which means the house lost value - she has to take half of this loss in value. The 2nd ace in the hole and it is not that big a one is that in PA I can force her into counseling - this might aggravate her just to settle. A third is she is pretty young 25 and maybe does not want to drag out a marriage for 2 plus years as it may hurt her chances of finding the another guy.. being married can put a damper on meeting others.
smokiejjj is offline   Reply With Quote
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Will the MM man leave and really Divorce his wife ??? smckinsey The Other Man / Woman 37 23rd October 2007 8:20 PM
I don't want a divorce or leave my wife PPS Separation and Divorce 20 2nd May 2007 10:12 PM
Trouble at home, want to leave but can't sever ties Guest Family 0 9th April 2007 4:51 AM
Does anyone else want a divorce, but cant financially afford to leave?? CONFUSED0202 Separation and Divorce 10 27th October 2004 10:46 PM
My wife wants a divorce but doesn't want to leave? Juestme Separation and Divorce 10 29th July 2004 4:34 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 5:44 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.