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My wife said she doesn't love me anymore


Trouble in Paradise

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Trouble in Paradise

Out of no where she says it's been happening for a while now and she says we've tried everything to fix it and she doesn't think we can. She wants to move out and find a place. Says when she walks into the house she feels depressed and when she gets out she feels alive. We have a 2 year old who we both adore and I don't know what to do. I feel empty and can only cry right now. I'm still willing to work on it but I told her that I didn't want a divorce. I said we should separate and see how we feel and then decide.

 

She won't go to counceling, and basically won't do anything to help.

 

Any Advice?

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Hi TiP...

 

I'm sorry you're going through this ordeal. I don't think I have any advice for you but I have a suggestion. Take a look around this forum and you will notice that quite a number of people are going through the same thing. Maybe you can read up on some of them and get some insights or advice from there. I'm sure pretty soon you will get the advice from fellow members of LS.

 

I was wondering though have you both talked about this? Have you asked her questions as to why her feelings have changed? Do you see any changes or reasons why she feels depressed?

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Trouble in Paradise

She said that it has been happening for a while, but to me it has only happened over the past month or so. She has made new friends and been going out with them a lot and says that she realized that she had been depressed. The worst part of it is we have a 2year old and custody of my step brother (16) and she wants 50/50 with the 2 year old. I'm not so sure that I want that though. I'm not the one leaving, I love my son more than anything and I think that she is being rather selfish. Any advice on how to handle that?

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If you don't mind my asking you, how long have you been married? So you take care of your son when she is out hanging out with her friends?

 

I don't know, TiP. I'm nowhere near your situation. I'm not married nor do I have kids but if I were in your situation, I would talk to her and tell her how this is affecting you. If she is depressed, imagine how frustrated and depressed you are to hear all of this!

 

Do you think it's wise to have her half of the custody if you both decide to get a divorce? I mean she is busy hanging out with her friends rather than trying to work the marriage... I don't get that.

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If you don't mind my asking you, how long have you been married? So you take care of your son when she is out hanging out with her friends?

 

I don't know, TiP. I'm nowhere near your situation. I'm not married nor do I have kids but if I were in your situation, I would talk to her and tell her how this is affecting you. If she is depressed, imagine how frustrated and depressed you are to hear all of this!

 

Do you think it's wise to have her half of the custody if you both decide to get a divorce? I mean she is busy hanging out with her friends rather than trying to work the marriage... I don't get that.

 

 

She says that she can't live where she isn't happy. I don't want her to have custody of our baby, not even 50/50 but I don't want an ugly separation either. I've tried talking to her and everything but to no avail. She isn't happy and she doesn't think she can get it back. I don't think she really cares about anything but herself so it's hard to waste the breath you know?

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I don't know how long you have been married, but I feel if she is hanging out with new friends more then likely there is another guy that has been giving her some extra attention & she is enjoying it even if there isn't anything physical going on.

 

I wouldn't doubt that her new "friends" might be helping her with her thinking if she doesn't even want to go to counseling. It sounds like she has those "it's greener on the other side of the fence" glasses on & she isn't seeing clearly.

 

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but as long as she isn't interested in working things out there is nothing you can do.

 

Go talk to a lawyer & see what your options are as far as the kids go & start planning for a separation or a divorce.

 

Just like lyssa said; look around this site & start learning by reading. There are also good books out there to read. It is really hard on a spouse when this comes out of left field & you have no idea that there is anything really wrong, but if you start looking back, start to study sometimes you will start seeing those red flags & start to understand maybe why she is doing this.

 

Don't plead or cry with the W because that will just make things worse, the more you push the situation the farther she will run. I know it is very hard because you love your w but the more you push the worse it gets.

 

In my situation we were separated for 7 months before getting back together & the first 2 we had no contact, but it gave me time to think, time to learn & I feel the separation did me more good then it did my wife.

 

I feel if she is the one walking out on you, then she is the one that has to show "you" that she is worth coming back to you now.

 

Keep posting it also helps, take out that frustration here instead of in front of her or the kids.

 

As of today the life you had with your wife is over & so it is time to start a new chapter in the book of life for yourself. If you stay together things have to change, if you separate things will change, if you divorce things will change.

 

Another good outlet for frustration is the gym or walks, it gives you time to think. Do something good for yourself, make her stay home & you can go out.

 

Best of luck to you.....

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TiP, PWSX3 has a lot of good advice there.

 

I was going to say this earlier but work was keeping me from posting it but here it is. You situation is very close to that of my brother's friend. His friend's W started a new job about a year ago, started spending time with the wrong crowd from work and keep telling her H that she's depressed, want something more out life etc. Most of the time she would leave their kids at home to go out partying with friends. 2 months later, H found out she has someone else.

 

I'm not saying that your W has someone else on the side but like PSWX3 said, it's likely she has one. I can't say anything else that PSWX3 hasn't said.. I just hope you will take the time to read around here and start making some plans.

 

Keep posting and good luck!

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I'm in agreement with Perry. Hon, your wife is ALREADY acting single. For all intents and purposes, the marriage is already over. The first thing I thought when I read your opening post is that she's playing around with some other guy. Then I read your other thread, and I'm sorry to say.. it sure looks like she is. :(

I'm not buying her "depression" excuse.

 

See an attorney and find out what your options are. In fact, see several. Many offer a low-cost or no-cost initial consult. Find one that's willing to work toward getting you full custody of your daughter. At 25, your WW (wayward wife) is NOT too young to be a responsible person. But, instead she's behaving like an emotionally immature 'party-girl'. Her attitude is not conducive to good parenting because it doesn't prioritize the needs of the child.

 

The best case scenario would be for the child to stay with you and for your WW to pay enough child-support to finance her daycare. You have the stability of your 16 year-old brother to consider as well, since he is also a minor child in your custody. You don't have the resources to play games with your recalcitrant wife right now. These kids are dependent on you providing them a stable home. Play hardball if you have to.

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I think that there is another guy too. I really do. She says there isn't but all the signs are there.

 

We've been married for less than 3 years and thats it. That is why this is so wierd. She won't even try. Maybe her moving out will help with things, maybe it won't, I don't know. I'm in the military 10,000 miles away from home and broken down. We are both in the military and i'm her 2nd husband, she is 25. He was a bad alcoholic but i've never done anything abusive to her, emotionally/physically like he did. I may have raised my voice 2 times out of the whole 2 3/4 years we were married. We both go to school full time and have jobs and have families. We used to be a team, now poof, nothing. I don't know what to do ya know? I'm so hurt right now and I can't even listen to music.

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25 and this is her second marriage? She probably didn't get the chance to experience a lot of things women at her age get to, I reckon it's almost like a culture shock to her to go out and see things that she has missed out on.

 

If she, in any way is still upset with her xH for the emotional/physical abuse he had caused her, it gave her not right for treating you this way.

 

Well, TiP - you know what you gotta do and you gotta get busy now!

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25 and this is her second marriage? She probably didn't get the chance to experience a lot of things women at her age get to, I reckon it's almost like a culture shock to her to go out and see things that she has missed out on.

 

If she, in any way is still upset with her xH for the emotional/physical abuse he had caused her, it gave her not right for treating you this way.

 

Well, TiP - you know what you gotta do and you gotta get busy now!

 

 

Divorce in the military is common but I don't want to. If I don't want a divorce what can she do to make me?

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My 12 year marriage suddenly went sour when we got stationed in Okinawa on an "accompanied" tour.

 

40,000 Marines ~ most between the ages of 18 -38, buff, in shape with twelve packs ~ suddenly my wife is God's gift to men! :mad: Or so she tought! At least she thought it was raining men!

 

She to got in to serious party mode ~ girls night out and all that crap.

 

The only thing you can do? Is just let her go!

 

But stand firm in the door, and don't give an inch. She wants out? So be it! But all she gets to take with her is the clothes off her back ~ that's it!

 

Whatever you do! Don't give her 1/4, 1/2, 2/3's custody! You go for full custody!

 

Take an old Fool's Advice! :mad:

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My 12 year marriage suddenly went sour when we got stationed in Okinawa on an "accompanied" tour.

 

40,000 Marines ~ most between the ages of 18 -38, buff, in shape with twelve packs ~ suddenly my wife is God's gift to men! :mad: Or so she tought! At least she thought it was raining men!

 

She to got in to serious party mode ~ girls night out and all that crap.

 

The only thing you can do? Is just let her go!

 

But stand firm in the door, and don't give an inch. She wants out? So be it! But all she gets to take with her is the clothes off her back ~ that's it!

 

Whatever you do! Don't give her 1/4, 1/2, 2/3's custody! You go for full custody!

 

Take an old Fool's Advice! :mad:

 

 

Can I do that? How do I go about that?

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Gunny?... Would it do him any good to talk things over with his chaplain??? :confused:

Maybe he needs to consider a discharge? He's got two minor dependents and no one of responsible character to keep them.

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Very sad situation. Sounds similar to my wife - totally selfish. I met my wife when she was 21 and I was 30. We got married when she was 24, 11 months later she says she is depressed and moves out. Says stuff like she thought she married too young, that I am emotionally distant, that I don't love or care for her, even though I have totally loved and cared for her. Only suggestion is just to not chase her or plead or even call her. Do not call her !!!!

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She hasn't left yet. She found a place but doesn't know if anything is available. She said she needs it. Whatever! I don't know if it's even worth my effort or time. I think I need to know how to go about it legally before she tries anything. Anyone know what to do?

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Okay tip...I've been married a long time and had kids so I really wonder if she is having some post partum depression. The years of having children are pretty hard on a woman and a marriage. You feel like a mommy...takes away the sexiness. Sometimes women feel like that and then have the depression on top of it. I agree with what one of the posters said.. Go for full custody. She is the one who wants to end it. She is the one unwilling to try. Also to keep in mind, how hard it is to take care of a small child if you ARE having any type of mood disorder. Been there, done that, bought the t shirt, and BURNED the sucker... good luck to you....

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I think it's over. We decided to take a break. She said she'll move out Dec 1 and she needs her space and time to work on herself. She said that she couldn't be her true self with me and that with her NEW friends she can be herself and she feels free. I asked why she couldn't be herself in front of me she said she didn't know. I offered to go to counselor with her and she said she didn't want to go that she has been going to counselors her whole life and they don't help.

 

Whatever guys. I'm done crying. I'm going to take this one day at a time and live my life for my son! He is more important than all this and that is what's most important for me. Thank you all for your help.

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