redfathom Posted March 9, 2007 Share Posted March 9, 2007 How to you go about starting a new life. I am thinking about my seperation and the possible impending divorce and I am just thinking to myself, wow...my life as I knew it as over and so is my husbands. It is very sad and overwhelming. I am not afraid to be on my own, I am saddened by the fact that I have 1. Hurt someone that I promised to love and 2. that everything I knew and loved will be gone. When I think about that I just want to crawl back to the safety that was mine and forget about the cold world that awaits me. I built this world for myself and now just like that it will be over. I know I can rebuild a new world for myself but I am still so sad. Yet, I am/was in an Emotionally Abusive relationship and I know that going back would be one of the worst decisions I could make. I mean when I think about having to move permanently, sell my house (when the market is so bad and I know we will go into debt because of it) loose my cat, my things, my routine, my comfort, future. The hardest is the future, I mean I know I was never going to get the future I wanted in this relationship but I still clung to an idea and now that is gone to. How do you mentally prepare yourself for that? Link to post Share on other sites
mum2three Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 I can't stand the loss/break up of my family. I miss our routines and hustle and bustle. I miss thinking about doing things together and planning for the kids' events. I miss my the house I picked, the bed, the energy that I put into creating a home for my kids. It sucks. I don't think any mental preparation can prep you on the day of reckoning. I am doing small doses at a time. Hopefully the big dose at the end won't kill me. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Red, I don't believe you can be "prepared". There are to many things coming up that you have no control over. All you can control is your actions/reactions. By most accounts a first Divorce is the most difficult and stressfull event in a persons life. Yes worse than a death of a spouse or child (although I haven't experianced either, just divorce). The ONLY thing that can be said for it is that it does get better with time. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 Everytime you catch yourself thinkinkg negatively you stop yourself, ~ and I mean literally dead in your tracks, and hit the "re-set" button. And, the you start counting your blessings, and all the good things that you have, and that God has laid before your feet and blessed you with. Mine goes like this: "Thank God, I'm in good health! Thank God, I'm no longer in that marriage! Thank God I don't have to deal with that anymore! Thank God, I don't have to put up with her BS! Thank God, I'm not laying awake at night wondering who my wife is with! Thank God, I've got a roof over my head! Thank God, I've got food to eat! Thank God, I'm not worrying about how to pay the bills Thank God, I've been blessed with two fine, well adjusted, respobsible, children. Thank God I'm not hooked on drugs or alcohol! Thank God I can walk! Thank God I can see! Thank God I can hear Thank God I can start over, Thank God for a fresh start! Thank God I've got the opportunity to go and find someone new, who will love me, appreciate me, and respect for me for who and as I am! Thank God,................................................................ You can do this all day long! I look, read, and hear about others and their troubles, and I think "But by the Grace of God ~ there go I!" Count your blessings, not your troubles. You count your blessings ~ your troubles will take care of themselves eventually, but you'll be walking around all day like The simple fact of the matter is? Most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be! Its all about attitude ~ Baby ~ its all about attitude! Link to post Share on other sites
MoonGirl Posted March 10, 2007 Share Posted March 10, 2007 RF, Since I left my husband 5 weeks ago, I can relate to what you're feeling. The sadness is very real, but I think a lot of the pain involves having all of these memories with this person...good times, bad times, growing up together, holding our first child together, etc. It is just so hard to let go. Like the other posters said, I don't think you can prepare yourself for this kind of sadness. But you can choose to be optimistic about your life too - especially your future. Think about how you don't have to answer to anyone, deal with tantrums and guilt trips, be ridiculed and controlled, experience watching violence in your own house, make whatever mess you want and not clean it up (or clean it up if you want), and do whatever you want whenever you want. It's really nice! And the future - it holds so many possibilities for you - embrace that. Now that you know you MUST be treated with respect, I hope you will never accept anything less. Go to individual therapy to help you get through the pain and sadness. Hang out with friends a lot, discover a new hobby, and take care of yourself. You deserve to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
mum2three Posted March 11, 2007 Share Posted March 11, 2007 Yes, had a bad day. Was thinking like RF of missing the old H and life. But life isn't the same once we have crossed the line. We are happier with ourselves minus the 150# bag of garbage on our back! Link to post Share on other sites
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