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Hubby& his games...


Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

Old 8th March 2007, 9:17 AM   #1
 
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Hubby& his games...

Where should I start? My husband and I have gone through some rough time. Shall I say I am who the one goes with it alone? Every marriage has its flaws and I'm no perfect but I've never cheated or did anything degraceful. My husband, on the other hand, had cheated but we gone past that issue for now. I'm not going into it.

But here another problem emerged. Every single day when he gets back home from work the first thing he will do is either locks himself away in that room (computer and games room) playing games or checking his myspace, while I'm cooking dinner. No affair suspicion from my part at this point in time but feel like he's loosing interest in me. Could it be that he has fallen out of love for me?

For the past couple of weeks I brought up the attention that he had ignored me and didn't live up to family need (my needs). He acknowledged it but gone back to whatever he does everyday. Nothing changed. He even start drinking again which he promised not to. Recently I asked him to leave means to go for a while to figure it out what he wants with me in this marriage if not I will be the one to go.

For 4 days now, he prolongs and stalls the time said that he can't find his chief or he was busy. But said that will pack sometime this weekend. Despite the problem, we talk normal like a couple no fight no foul language.

We both don't even sleep on the same bed anymore but continue to act like a husband and a wife. Mostly he calls me honey or sometime says I love. Things aren't the same. He pays no attention to me and I thought maybe due to his long working hour and home late.

From time to time I give him some space, however, the more I give the further he slips away. Am I doing the right thing have him moving out for awhile? Or should I be the one? I meant he has a place to go and everything. Just that I can't stand sitting here alone while he's there with his games and waiting for his friends messages.
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Old 8th March 2007, 11:54 AM   #2
 
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I'm sorry you're having such a hard time in your marriage.

Can you give us some more background? How long have you been married? How old are both of you? Do you have any children?
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Old 8th March 2007, 12:29 PM   #3
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More background is defintely needed. Not to be critical, I want to help you, but I think you might get more responses if your writing were a little clearer. I had trouble understanding some of what you were trying to get across.

Quote:
But here another problem emerged. Every single day when he gets back home from work the first thing he will do is either locks himself away in that room (computer and games room) playing games or checking his myspace, while I'm cooking dinner.
Holy cow, you sound just like my wife!

If I follow the gist of what you wrote, this is not your biggest problem. He seems to have emotionally checked out of the relationship and there doesn't seem to be any communication, or you are not communicating effectively.

Quote:
For 4 days now, he prolongs and stalls the time said that he can't find his chief or he was busy.
Huh?

Please be clearer and give us more background.
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Old 8th March 2007, 1:50 PM   #4
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get rid of the computer and games.....then see what happens.
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Old 8th March 2007, 11:51 PM   #5
 
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Lady Jane, I know if I do that it will only make matter worse than what it is already has
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Old 9th March 2007, 12:04 AM   #6
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MoonGirl View Post
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time in your marriage.

Can you give us some more background? How long have you been married? How old are both of you? Do you have any children?
Sorry, I didn't go into much details about my marriage but I thought I wrote somewhere else. Maybe I rewrote things twice and didn't realize it's double. My husband and I are married for almost 5 years now no kids. We both in our mid 20s.

He is in military and as we all know marriage life such as this is the toughest and most difficult to deal with on the planet. The majority of military marriages end up divorced and you should consider yourself lucky if you can make it for a lifetime. I know for one I'm young and so is he, but you can't judge the book by the cover. For one thing I'm certain is that divorce him is the last on my mind. I do not want to go through it, and if I do I might have a nervous break down.
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Old 9th March 2007, 12:06 AM   #7
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lor View Post
get rid of the computer and games.....then see what happens.

Did I just refer you as Lady Jane? Shame on me. See I read so many posts until forgetting who is replying to my post
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Old 9th March 2007, 3:00 PM   #8
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While my husband was in the military he did similar things when he came home from work. He would sit on the computer or play his video games. At first it irritated me that he would choose to do that when he first got home. But when I asked him about why he did that I understood and left it alone.

His days were stressful at work and that was his way of releasing the stress so when I asked him about his day he wouldn't snap at me when I did nothing wrong.

Communication is the key. Especailly in a military marriage. You almost - no . . . you HAVE to work twice as hard to make it work. Gunny once posted that the Marine Corps is a mistress in itself. Same goes for the other branches. While your husband is in the service just consider that you are wife #2 and keep the communication OPEN talk frequently and things should get better.
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Old 9th March 2007, 3:06 PM   #9
 
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Have you read Divorce Busters or visited the marriage builders website? They have a lot of helpful information...at least it's a place to start.

The fact that you're only in your mid 20s and no longer sleep in the same bed or act like a married couple is a big problem. What do you want in life? Can you see yourself growing old with this man? Do you want children?

Sure, divorce is never fun and you MAY have a nervous breakdown. But do you really want to live the rest of your life in a seemingly loveless marriage?

Do you know for sure that your husband is not cheating on you, even if it is only emotionally? He works late, ignores you, and spends a lot of time on the computer. Men who are really into their wives just don't behave that way. He could be chatting with some gal on the computer, and for some people (though I can't understand how) this chatting mirrors a real relationship and involves real emotions.

Is your husband responsive to you setting up dates together? Do you have any common interests? Perhaps starting a ritual of Monday Night Movie Watching and Friday Night Dinner Out could help a wee bit.
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