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Smart move or dumb move?


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

Old 5th October 2005, 7:50 PM   #1
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Smart move or dumb move?

Been dating my ex for 3 months....the first month and a half were as friend/support as he got majorly burnt by his ex(she cheated/put him down about his sexual skills etc..) a huge blow to his ego...(we have known each other for 5 yrs...dated for 3...friends for the last 2) So he had called me to cry on my shoulder(no sex/just support) .....then...the last month and a half we have been "hanging out"...with the understanding of not seeing anyone else/take is slow/see where it goes....so after a month and a half of "hanging out/getting along GREAT/intimacy/long talks.....we find out he might have a job offer FAR away......SO...I go into major panic mode...."I love you, always have, if you are moving we should talk about LDR thing...oh my god..I can't lose you again...blah, blah, blah....:
HIS RESPONSE:
"I have only been over(as much as I can) the whole ex.g.f fiasco for the past month and a half...I could be potentially moving in less than a month....I just don't feel as stong as you do at this point....honestly, don't know if I will...I don't want to hurt you. I can't say that it WON"T change...but with this move on my mind, other stuff that goes with that($$ to do it, leaving a very good job, no friends out there...lots to consider) and with just getting over that horrible situation from my ex..I don't know what I want."
I DO KNOW...that I care for you, have some love for you, don't want to hurt you, don't want you "waiting around to see if that will change only to have it not and you get hurt" I would like to still hang out, but if you feel as strong as you do...and there are no guarantees....Well, it's up to you. I am just in a place where I don't know which end is up, what I'm doing, where I'm going, what I want...too much going on right now."
SO.........I say, I can't do it then....I end it.
After thinking about it for a week...I think I just panicked....about the move etc....and was actually fine taking it "slow to see" and re-aquainting ourselves with one another on this level(we have been friends for the last 2 yrs., but not hanging out much, more like talk once a month..we have both changed/grown ALOT!)
So he calls and says, "I wish you didn't dump me, I miss seeing you. I wish we could still hang out etc...BUT, again, I can' t make any promises, still don't know what direction I am headed(with the job/internally) and don't want to hurt you....but I CAN"T say that it WON"T happen either.....Can't we just go back to hanging out and give it a LITTLE MORE TIME.....everything is so confusing right now. I just don't know which end is up...have alot to contend with...have alot to sort out...these things are taking priority right now, it's jsut the way it is....
(So, I'm thinking with being burnt less than 3 months ago...with a possible long distance move to a plave that is essentially foreign to him, total stress factor/owes some debt/needs money to move...will have to do it all(plus he has a side=lawn care business he will have to take care of....among 1,000 other things.....Knowing how GUYS are...he is probably got walls way up high until he has all his ducks in a row......he isn't going to "feel more" until he figures out all the other stuff. Prob. won't allow himself to feel more, if he might be moving....why? to only get hurt? I guess he NEEDS to keep his emotional distance........
SO>>>>>>>>Do I continue seeing him(it's only once a week or less.....of course we have been fooling around....so that is a factor) but take it slow, just go and have fun and once we find out about his move/gets it together in other areas of his life then reaccess???
Just be the fun, comforting, stress free companion for now...then if we find out he ISN"T moving....hang out for a bit more THEN ask the big money question....I would think 3 months would be enough "time" to organize the other areas and he would know where he would want to go or not go with me.....yes? no?
Do guys do that? When they are under a ton of stress?? Go into the cave emotionally and once they have everything sorted out...they will then be "open to "feeling"/wanting to thing about getting serious....but, I feel right now he just isn't able to "go there"
So what would you do?
Hang out once a week, dinner/fun/movies/keep it light/myself emotionally distant(this is something I can do...if not, then I would get out)
Then....once the decision has been made whether or not he is moving....go from there......
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