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Did I hurt him?


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 27th January 2018, 7:24 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by preraph View Post
I think why he is never happy and seems resentful is because it sounds like you were giving him work and he was financially dependent on you. A lot of guys' egos cannot handle that. If I had to guess, I'd say he desperately wants to gain the upper hand, which he feels he can't do being dependent on your financially. He already feels "not a man," which I know because you say he's very jealous, and jealousy isn't a compliment -- it's simply whoever's jealous (one or both of you) insecurity. So he already is insecure, then he's kind of under your control because of the job position or project or whatever it is. His ego can't handle that. It makes him feel less than -- but that is not your problem. However, you telling him to man up struck a nerve for that very reason, although I have no doubt he does need to man up, just from what you've told us in your post. He needs to make his own way, work on his jealousy, and be his own man.

And as you say, he has abandonment issues. That will likely cause him to have some quirks. And will also affect how he chooses a mate and is the root of at least part of his insecurity. So it's hard to be normal and healthy and have normal healthy relationships when you have that.
Thanks for your advice. Yes, while he was here with me he was very depressed because he had to rely on me and he didn't like it so much. I think that's the reason why he said he doesn't need anything from me after I asked him what he expected from me after 4 months. Defense is the best offense
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Old 27th January 2018, 7:33 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by simpleNfit View Post
Hey, I hope your health has or is improving. I am thinking about you and praying for a quick recovery.

One of the frustrating things about advice given about NC is that it is too simplistic at times. Just donít communicate....and take the time to put yourself in a better frame of mind. I am currently trying to reconcile with my ex-wife. We were in complete NC for many months. I let go of my anger and she ultimately began the process of forgiving me. Much better place to talk about the important things...
Thank you for praying for me. Yes my health is improving every day. I have read about no contact but I really wasn't expecting to contact him nor I wasn't expecting for him to contact me. I do want him back but I don't want to go back to the days we were in hell. So I'm just moving on. He said he forgave me for what happened between us, but I don't believe him. He wouldn't write me with so much hate like he did. I wish you the best in your journey.
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Old 28th January 2018, 5:37 AM   #18
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Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Some cheaters change & some people win the lottery. I'd bet on being a lottery winner.

You weren't jealous because you were some crazy. You were jealous because some woman was telling you that she was pregnant with his baby. Too much drama.

Let go of the soulmate nonsense. He probably fed you some typical player line of bulls*** that you fell for hook line & sinker which is what led you to believe it was destiny. If you look at it more objectively, there is no good reason to stay with this guy.

It is possible to still harbor feelings bit nevertheless know you have to walk away. I lived with a guy for 10 years. For a lot of reasons including a bunch of garbage my own mother fed to me, I thought he was my soulmate. I wanted to get married. He didn't believe in marriage. After the 1st 5 years, every day his refusal to marry me ate another little piece of my soul until there was nothing left. Finally I walked away which was one of the hardest things I ever did but I had to for my own sanity.
Its very hard to find the soul back after such experience.....
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Old 28th January 2018, 10:36 AM   #19
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OP, a guy who cheats and lies and behaves the way he did doesn't love you.

So, no, I don't think your email hurt him. I just think he has a big ego and no serious interest in rekindling a relationship with you.

It's time for you to admit to yourself that this is over and has been for a while, so you can let go. He already has.
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Old 29th January 2018, 11:34 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by ExpatInItaly View Post
OP, a guy who cheats and lies and behaves the way he did doesn't love you.

So, no, I don't think your email hurt him. I just think he has a big ego and no serious interest in rekindling a relationship with you.

It's time for you to admit to yourself that this is over and has been for a while, so you can let go. He already has.
Why would he say yes to my offer to come back then? If he was over then he would have ignored my email.
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Old 30th January 2018, 4:05 PM   #21
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Reeeeeeaaaaaallllyy low bar for soul mates these days apparently.
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