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Incredible Turn of Events and Second Chance!


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 25th January 2018, 12:40 PM   #1
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Incredible Turn of Events and Second Chance!

As much as I have tried to stay true to the principles of No Contact, it is has been difficult, especially when there are unresolved emotions involved to which both parties are strongly bound.

To make things short w/o ALL of the details involving the consternation, pain and hashing out of emotions, my ex-wife and I have decided to reconcile. Yes, against all odds! I am personally amazed that we have come to this! I could never have imagined that we would be actively and defiantly seeking to re-establish our relationship!

This will entail many months, perhaps, indefinite period, of marriage counseling and certainly an acceptance of a new beginning, exploration and dedication! We have both been engaged in therapy to improve ourselves, but always to seek our own individual growth and never to seek one another's approval.

The most amazing adventure of my already fortunate life began YESTERDAY! Yikes!
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Last edited by simpleNfit; 25th January 2018 at 2:57 PM..
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Old 25th January 2018, 5:49 PM   #2
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Uau!

Great story! Congratulations and go ahead. Keep yourself calm and cool
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Old 25th January 2018, 5:58 PM   #3
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I wish you well, SNF, with a lot of concern. I've been in your shoes and it ended very badly. If both of you are completely committed and have truly changed, I hope it all works out great and you have your happily ever after <3.
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Old 25th January 2018, 8:31 PM   #4
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I do not remember your story but I am glad
you both are in a better place now.
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Old 25th January 2018, 8:31 PM   #5
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I wish you well, SNF, with a lot of concern. I've been in your shoes and it ended very badly. If both of you are completely committed and have truly changed, I hope it all works out great and you have your happily ever after <3.
Yes, thank you! The key is whether we have both truly changed. We have both been going through therapy independently and our most recent conversations have been telling. It is a strange thing CO, all of the pieces required for us to even consider reconciliation fell into place. We did not act solely based on that, of course, but when I thought it had ended, for good, w/o even the consideration for friendship, I was preparing myself to move on w/o her. Then a dramatic event occurred that had us both reconsidering....it is the oddest, but most wonderful thing.

Did you try to reconcile with an ex-husband?
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Old 25th January 2018, 9:27 PM   #6
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That's awesome, good for you.

Though would appreciate some small details:
- Who broke up with whom?
- How long has it been?
- This wasn't the same women who "broke your trust", right?
- Was it a messy breakup?
- Have you been in contact since the divorce?

I know a woman who just got back with her ex husband after 20 years (which included another marriage for him). It's rare, but it can happen.

Best of luck.
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Old 25th January 2018, 9:30 PM   #7
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[]
Did you try to reconcile with an ex-husband?
Yes.......

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 26th January 2018 at 12:35 AM.. Reason: Truncate quote
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Old 25th January 2018, 9:51 PM   #8
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That's awesome, good for you.

Though would appreciate some small details:
- Who broke up with whom? I ended it.
- How long has it been? 2-years since we've seen each other, but divorce finalized only last April.
- This wasn't the same women who "broke your trust", right? Yes.
- Was it a messy breakup? It was a break up that had one desperately trying to get the attention of the other and the other completely shutting her out. There was a lot of bitterness that prevented any chance of forgiveness or objectivity. So, yes, messy.
- Have you been in contact since the divorce? 6-months after divorce and 1+ years after complete NC.

I know a woman who just got back with her ex husband after 20 years (which included another marriage for him). It's rare, but it can happen.

Best of luck.
My responses are above.

Thank you. Neither of us moved on despite the extended NC. I had no idea what her life was like and she did not know how my life was before we reconnected and maintained communication. We seemed to have made efforts to move on, but that obviously was not true.
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Old 25th January 2018, 9:59 PM   #9
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My responses are above.

Thank you. Neither of us moved on despite the extended NC. I had no idea what her life was like and she did not know how my life was before we reconnected and maintained communication. We seemed to have made efforts to move on, but that obviously was not true.
That's great - happy for you.

It would be nice if you updated this thread as to your progress/experience during the reconciliation.

I'm curious how things like trust, sleeping with other people, how you might have handled if you found someone else, etc play in.

I'm not trying to use this as a guide for me, just genuinely interested as I don't know anyone (except the one woman I mentioned) and my parents (which failed miserably) who got back together.
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Old 26th January 2018, 9:08 AM   #10
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OP, your last thread had "I don't want her back" written about 7 times. This was just a month ago. The whole situation sounds like a train wreck.
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Old 26th January 2018, 9:33 AM   #11
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Then a dramatic event occurred that had us both reconsidering....it is the oddest, but most wonderful thing.
Come on, drop the deets!

And congratulations, good luck with your reconciliation.
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Old 26th January 2018, 9:52 PM   #12
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OP, your last thread had "I don't want her back" written about 7 times. This was just a month ago. The whole situation sounds like a train wreck.
Absolutely correct!

I did not want to be with her again. The past few months have been up and down, but it has also revealed details of our separation that I never knew about. Information that my mother and siblings kept from me thinking that they were protecting me.

You are absolutely correct! I did not want the woman I left. This is only the beginning of a long road to reconciliation. We are both in therapy and we have both, independently, made progress on a personal level. Our journey towards reconciliation requires that we both continue marriage/family therapy TOGETHER. This detail is absolutely non-negotiable.

So, you are correct, in a sense....I did not and do not want the woman I divorced. But, if she has changed, if I have changed? Through therapy and commitment to continue on the road to restored love, I'm willing to give this a chance.

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Old 1st February 2018, 8:18 AM   #13
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Update 1

Ex and I have cemented the following:

1. Speak on the phone at least once a week
2. Communicate in other methods daily, but need not be too involved, mostly daily check-ins to keep each other tethered and thinking of one another
3. Since we are many miles from one another, I will be visiting her once a month where we will continue to discuss our therapy, important issues and have contact time both proximal and intimate. I will be visiting her for a week in the Spring where we will also continue to plan, map out our reconciliation.
4. We are currently planning to spend long, extended summer together
5. Soon, we will have joint counseling sessions via skype, etc. with our respective counselors. Our respective children will join in later, once she and I are on solid ground.
6. Neither of our family are thrilled with the two of us in contact with one another. That was expected and we are both resolute to our goal to reconcile whether or not family are supportive.

Our children are aware that we are in contact again, but not to reconcile. YET.

Last edited by simpleNfit; 1st February 2018 at 8:22 AM..
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Old 1st February 2018, 9:35 AM   #14
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Oh that is so great!

I am happy you are working things out and wish you all the best!
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Old 1st February 2018, 2:49 PM   #15
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Yes, thank you! The key is whether we have both truly changed. We have both been going through therapy independently and our most recent conversations have been telling. It is a strange thing CO, all of the pieces required for us to even consider reconciliation fell into place. We did not act solely based on that, of course, but when I thought it had ended, for good, w/o even the consideration for friendship, I was preparing myself to move on w/o her. Then a dramatic event occurred that had us both reconsidering....it is the oddest, but most wonderful thing.

Did you try to reconcile with an ex-husband?
I am curious. What is the dramatic event that occurred? Especially since you said you were in no contact for more than 1 year?
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