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hung out, lost contact for 10 yrs, boomerang


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 17th December 2017, 12:08 AM   #1
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hung out, lost contact for 10 yrs, boomerang

Hi,

I hung out with a woman about 10 years ago. I was interested in her and we would go out to dinner or coffee, but that was pretty much it. She moved far far away and I expressed an interest in her via email, but nothing ever came of it and things just fizzled. I hadn't heard from her in over 6 years.

Then three days ago I got an email saying she missed me, wanted to know about me, and one line of the email said "I am still not married". I replied that I with a brief bit about myself and said receiving her email was cool, but what would be cooler would be hearing her voice again, when could we chat? I said "We might have a lot to talk about".

Two days and nothing. I am guessing she was bored, in a funk, maybe needed attention and decided to go through her old emails, and in fit of nostalgia messaged me? Then, the brief spell wore off... should I have just ignored her message.

Muddled in the Midwest
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Old 17th December 2017, 12:29 AM   #2
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Ah thats the worst! Wishing you wouldn't have given in and replied.

Maybe she wanted the attention but was scared off by anything more at that point. The phone call, having a lot to talk about, etc.
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Old 17th December 2017, 12:53 AM   #3
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Don't worry, now you know her real character whatever she throws in your way dont take the bait. You've already tried showing an interest but she has refused. Learn from your mistake not to repeat the same B.S again!!!
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Old 17th December 2017, 9:12 AM   #4
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So i should have just completely ignored her email, or should I have responded with something much blander. For example "glad to hear from you, how are things?"

I thought that with 10 years of absence and her mentioning being still single - and she wrote the sentence "I am not married yet" all alone, separate from the rest of the email - that meant she wanted to be a bit more open in our communication.
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Old 17th December 2017, 2:50 PM   #5
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To me, it seems like you have questions only she can answer. If you want try and email her what you want to know do it. However take this into consideration, you send her a nice short email and she ignores you again?

She is telling you shes not married yet because she knows youre intersted in her maybe shes not interested in you? everytime she reaches out to you and you respond to her, you are giving away your power. She gets an ego boost from knowing that she can reach out to you anytime and you will be there waiting. I mean if she was interested in you in the first place, she wouldve made things more committed.

so again if you want to talk to her send her an email see what she wants. But her ignoring your email is just off to me..
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Old 17th December 2017, 5:15 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fiskadoro View Post
So i should have just completely ignored her email, or should I have responded with something much blander. For example "glad to hear from you, how are things?"

I thought that with 10 years of absence and her mentioning being still single - and she wrote the sentence "I am not married yet" all alone, separate from the rest of the email - that meant she wanted to be a bit more open in our communication.
Does it really matter though? I mean, you shouldn’t have to control HOW you speak to someone.. if you want to say something you should. You can’t control how they respond and wonder what if, because the outcome would have been the same at this point. You want more than she does clearly. She would’ve bailed at some point again...better now than later.
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Old 17th December 2017, 11:19 PM   #7
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I think you're fine. If you're still interested, then I think responding was appropriate. At least you threw it out there. I don't think it makes you look weak or like less of a man for responding in the way that you did. That being said, I would just leave the ball in her court and get on with your life. There's plenty of reasons why someone may not e-mail back in a two day time-frame, especially around the holiday season when your inbox is deluged. If you hear from her, great. If you don't, then just keep on keepin' on.
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Old 23rd December 2017, 3:30 PM   #8
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update: she replied, saying she was happy to hear from me and asking me what app I used for international calls.

I am excited that she emailed back, but nervous too. My guess is I should just chat her up, find out what she has been doing, mention that I am single too?
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Old 23rd December 2017, 6:47 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by fiskadoro View Post
update: she replied, saying she was happy to hear from me and asking me what app I used for international calls.

I am excited that she emailed back, but nervous too. My guess is I should just chat her up, find out what she has been doing, mention that I am single too?
Yea I had a feeling she would respond. You did the right thing - you spoke your truth. If you tried to play games by not responding if you still like her THAT would be weak.

I’m not saying to gush all over her, but being a man is about speaking what’s in your heart and mind. She wants to play games, that’s on her character not yours.

As far as your question, just talk to her and tell her you’d love to see her again. Meet up and take things from there.
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Old 26th December 2017, 12:13 AM   #10
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I gave her my number and she texted me, told me about the weather, wished me a merry Christmas, etc. I am not into texting, and after years of not contacting each other, I don't want to act like I am catching up with an old buddy. I asked if she was free to call (the moment of truth is upon me NOW!) I would like to know

1) Why she decided to contact me out of the blue
2) If she is interested in a relationship?

Ordinarily in a situation like this I would operate on assumptions, that way I wouldn't have to risk getting rejected if I asked any direct questions. However I do want to know why she contacted me again, and though I want to set things up to see her again that would be difficult because she is in Korea, I am in the states. Is it okay to ask her why she reached out and (depending on her answer) is she interested in a relationship? Or do you think that is too pushy and I should just go with the flow, keep the chatting fun and light and see what she says? I worry that if I try the latter, she will think I am not interested or lacking in huevotes. If we could just meet up I could get a better vibe, but since for now our contact will be phone and text, I am a bit discombobulated.

Last edited by fiskadoro; 26th December 2017 at 12:34 AM..
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Old 27th December 2017, 9:20 AM   #11
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Of course!! Nothing wrong with being straight up, maybe just choose wording carefully, and add some extra bits to the convo so it doesn’t come off accusatory.
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Old 27th December 2017, 12:57 PM   #12
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This morning, after a bit of fluff about her work, we had this exchange (I am italicized)

I am curious why you contacted me after so many years. Happy, but curious
I just want to know how you are doing for now
I would love to see you again, so if we can get together that would be awesome. I am not a big text guy, but if you really wanna meet let's make a definite plan
yeah, but I don't have enough time for long distance travel
I completely understand. If something changes, let me know!
I see~

I am glad that I was direct and spoke my mind, instead of just letting it turn into something textual. We had exchanged current photos yesterday, and the obligatory compliments about how we haven't aged, etc, so I felt it was time to put my cards (and not my feet, I am a gentleman) on the table! Two years ago, even last year, I would have been happy to just respond to the occasional breadcrumb or "bored in line at the DMV" text. Progress!
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Old 28th December 2017, 12:11 AM   #13
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So you got out what you needed to and got your answer and left her knowing what you want and now she will contact you again if she wants anything. I suggest not contacting her again unless she ever sends you something about getting together. Sounds like right now she doesn't want to do that.
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