Slidesinsocks Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 It's exactly what it sounds like: Over a decade later, I reached out. Summer 2003, a very virgin me was about to get in my car at the beach, when a dreamer surfer walked up to me and said "every pretty girl deserves a sand dollar" as he handed me a dry one. Long story short, we dated a few months, maintained virgin status and eventually panicked, screwed things up and we never spoke again. We both moved on, got married... He has a son. Fast forward to me waking up in a ****ty marriage (the kind where he destroys things when he's mad, I'm a horrible person for any reason... to the point I was numb and terrified to even go home) For whatever reason, the sand dollar memory replayed in my mind when I was trying to keep myself together: be strong, you don't deserve this.... here is a feel good memory... I remembered his name. A quick Google search and I had the right spelling. Found him on line and it took about 8 months of self hatred, trying to work things out with the husband, before I sent him a message two weeks ago) : no expectations (I assumed he was married) : "once upon a time, yada yada, sand dollar, I made it weird, I'm sorry" He responded almost instantly: knew exactly who I was, right down to the break up, that we both remember differently. He's happily divorced. Said it made him sad, because he enjoyed Marriage. He wished I would heave reached out the day before, because he had been here to visit family. Loved where he lives. We ended on a good note. Started messaging the next day. I'm direct in my texting, he accused me of being rude and started stewing on the breakup, how he is a nice, forgiving person who welcomes people back with open arms and some things don't change... told me my ex doesn't hold a candle to him... I apologised, cooled him down and he insisted we talk on the phone, so we exchanged phone numbers. And every day or so, he'll call and we'll talk for an hour or two. He knows my situation, and said when it's over, we should get together. He called me the other day to say when he was down here, he got a job offer and was considering moving back and was considering bc his brother is here and most of his friend's. Last night, he was texting me with a kinky tone... exchanged a few messages, and silence from him today, other than him liking a picture I posted on facebook. How do i set the bars? We both said one night stands aren't our thing because we have to connect, trust, etc. He's a Capricorn... we've never had sex... is he getting sexual via text to complete some conquest from high school and revenge, or is he showing signs that he actually cared and wants a second round all this time later? Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 Are you still married? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Slidesinsocks Posted September 17, 2017 Author Share Posted September 17, 2017 Are you still married? Things should be finalised within the next few weeks, I've been staying with my uncle. I won't physically cheat, I feel bad enough for reaching out and some how all of this lining up... I'm actually dreading dating and even touching another man. I thought my husband was going to be my end all be all. I just cant keep crying, all of my friends swear I deserve better. I'd be lying if I said the thought of him didn't make me smile a little... I care, I just don't understand his rapid action when he knows the whole situation. I dont know how to approach it either, "Hey, I'm not the reason you're uprooting your whole darn life and moving back, right? I'd be happy to come up at some point when this all finalizes and I can emotionally handle it".. I need time, I need to be able to finish this mess I'm in with my dignity... at the same time, I'm afraid to look like I'm jumping to conclusions and being presumptuous. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 How about just going with the flow and no expectations of anything? When he comes back to town meet him in a public place, stay out of situations that could lead you down the physical path. Sounds to me like you still need time to process the upcoming divorce. You may have jumped the gun a bit soon IMO...but time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
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