Broke up with ex, I want him back

[mokona97]

Sorry if this story is confusing, i'm just as confused to be honest.

 

I broke up with my ex a few months ago due to long distance and really bad fighting. The breakup wasn't exactly what I wanted, I wanted to take a break but for his feelings I ended it so he wasn't upset for so long but I was unsure of how I was feeling. A few weeks ago I decided to contact him again because he was coming back and I wanted him to know that I still loved him and how sorry I was about what happen.

 

We met up talked and he seemed really unsure and confused with his feelings. Recently we've been hanging out pretty much everyday and getting closer and closer. He wanted us to take things slow and see what happens but a few days ago he kissed me and ever since then he's been wanting to get closer to me and more intimate. Since it confused me because he said he wanted things to go slow I asked him what his feelings on the situation were.

 

The answer I got was really odd and confusing, he pretty much said he wanted to be single and now have someone to commit to and worry about. He assured me that he doesn't want to date anyone else and sleep with anyone. He said he wants things to flow and see what happens but in time if he did want a girlfriend he would want her to be me and also that he likes me and likes hanging out with me. He was also all over the place saying maybe right now he wanted friends with benefits but because I said no thats not an option and that's ok.

 

So is he acting like this because he's hurt? Do you guys think he will eventually come around and we should just be close friends? Or is he just playing games with me...i'm really confused because he's been acting like we are a couple but then goes and says that.

[stillafool]

I think he meant what he said which is he wants to be FWBs and see where it goes from there. So now it is up to you whether you want to take a chance and have sex with him knowing he is not committed. I personally wouldn't. Whether he admits it or not he is going to date other girls.

[mokona97]

I think he meant what he said which is he wants to be FWBs and see where it goes from there. So now it is up to you whether you want to take a chance and have sex with him knowing he is not committed. I personally wouldn't. Whether he admits it or not he is going to date other girls.

 

He's all over the place saying he wants that with me but not with anyone else and we should be close friends and let time flow because maybe in time he will want a girlfriend again and it to be me? I said that to him also but he made it really clear that he just wants to be single because he has no time right now also.

[Cersei]

Take what he says at face value. He wants to be FWB. Not a relationship.

 

He is likely in need of sex and you are a comfortable choice for him.

 

If that is not what you want do yourself a favor and distance yourself from him because otherwise you will drive yourself crazy wondering what his game is.

 

Sorry to be so blunt but it seems pretty obvious.

[mokona97]

Take what he says at face value. He wants to be FWB. Not a relationship.

 

He is likely in need of sex and you are a comfortable choice for him.

 

If that is not what you want do yourself a favor and distance yourself from him because otherwise you will drive yourself crazy wondering what his game is.

 

Sorry to be so blunt but it seems pretty obvious.

 

It seems obvious but considering I said no sex or anything and he still wants to continue to be good friends and let time do it's thing and see what happens, I guess its keeping me around right now..

[stillafool]

Of course he still wants to be friends with you, even if he ends up dating someone else. You guys spent a lot of time together so he doesn't want to lose that friendship but still does not want you as his gf. I don't care what he told you he is still going to date other girls. If not he would want you back.

[FenixRising]

Sorry if this story is confusing, i'm just as confused to be honest.

 

I broke up with my ex a few months ago due to long distance and really bad fighting. The breakup wasn't exactly what I wanted, I wanted to take a break but for his feelings I ended it so he wasn't upset for so long but I was unsure of how I was feeling. A few weeks ago I decided to contact him again because he was coming back and I wanted him to know that I still loved him and how sorry I was about what happen.

 

 

We met up talked and he seemed really unsure and confused with his feelings. Recently we've been hanging out pretty much everyday and getting closer and closer. He wanted us to take things slow and see what happens but a few days ago he kissed me and ever since then he's been wanting to get closer to me and more intimate. Since it confused me because he said he wanted things to go slow I asked him what his feelings on the situation were.

 

The answer I got was really odd and confusing, he pretty much said he wanted to be single and now have someone to commit to and worry about.

 

So is he acting like this because he's hurt? Do you guys think he will eventually come around and we should just be close friends? Or is he just playing games with me...i'm really confused because he's been acting like we are a couple but then goes and says that.

 

Hello, how have things been going?

 

To be honest, I think you have givien him multiple opportunities and chances to show if he is committed or keen to make things work with you in a healthy relationship. You've demonstrated that you want it to work however he has not.

 

Believe him when he says he wants to be "single and not having someone to commit and worry about." (He doesn't want that responsibility or effort)

 

As hard as it is to do, please don't wait for him to come around and be the boyfriend you want. You clearly love him, and it's admirable that you went back and contacted him with honesty.

 

I want to point one thing out, however:

I wanted to take a break but for his feelings, I ended it so he wasn't upset for so long but I was unsure of how I was feeling.

It is as though, despite how you were feeling, you put his feelings first and didn't regard your own feelings as important. (they are important)

 

You put him first again when asking about what he wanted (three months after the breakup). You did mention you were clear about not wanting to be FWB which is good. I can only guess that not wanting to feel confused is another thing you want.

 

Three months of feeling uncertain about someone can take a toll. I hope you are taking care of yourself and hanging out with friends etc.

 

You deserve someone who knows that he wants you, shows it and doesn't leave you feeling confused or being lead on.

He agreed to being friends and not being FWB, but he seems to really be keeping you around. I think if you would like to continue being friends with him it is wise to distance yourself (as you still have strong feelings for him) and move on romantically from him first.

 

While you take this break/breakup look more into what you really want and need in a partner. (it really helps if you have confusing feelings). Writing some lists of qualities you adore and ones you don't like may really help. Does he line up in your list with good qualities you want in a partner?

 

Best of luck

[Sweetfish]

Sorry if this story is confusing, i'm just as confused to be honest.

 

I broke up with my ex a few months ago due to long distance and really bad fighting. The breakup wasn't exactly what I wanted, I wanted to take a break but for his feelings I ended it so he wasn't upset for so long but I was unsure of how I was feeling. A few weeks ago I decided to contact him again because he was coming back and I wanted him to know that I still loved him and how sorry I was about what happen.

 

We met up talked and he seemed really unsure and confused with his feelings. Recently we've been hanging out pretty much everyday and getting closer and closer. He wanted us to take things slow and see what happens but a few days ago he kissed me and ever since then he's been wanting to get closer to me and more intimate. Since it confused me because he said he wanted things to go slow I asked him what his feelings on the situation were.

 

The answer I got was really odd and confusing, he pretty much said he wanted to be single and now have someone to commit to and worry about. He assured me that he doesn't want to date anyone else and sleep with anyone. He said he wants things to flow and see what happens but in time if he did want a girlfriend he would want her to be me and also that he likes me and likes hanging out with me. He was also all over the place saying maybe right now he wanted friends with benefits but because I said no thats not an option and that's ok.

 

So is he acting like this because he's hurt? Do you guys think he will eventually come around and we should just be close friends? Or is he just playing games with me...i'm really confused because he's been acting like we are a couple but then goes and says that.

 

Of course he is confused... breaking up is damaging. You took the chance.

[mokona97]

Hello, how have things been going?

 

To be honest, I think you have givien him multiple opportunities and chances to show if he is committed or keen to make things work with you in a healthy relationship. You've demonstrated that you want it to work however he has not.

 

Believe him when he says he wants to be "single and not having someone to commit and worry about." (He doesn't want that responsibility or effort)

 

As hard as it is to do, please don't wait for him to come around and be the boyfriend you want. You clearly love him, and it's admirable that you went back and contacted him with honesty.

 

I want to point one thing out, however: It is as though, despite how you were feeling, you put his feelings first and didn't regard your own feelings as important. (they are important)

 

You put him first again when asking about what he wanted (three months after the breakup). You did mention you were clear about not wanting to be FWB which is good. I can only guess that not wanting to feel confused is another thing you want.

 

Three months of feeling uncertain about someone can take a toll. I hope you are taking care of yourself and hanging out with friends etc.

 

You deserve someone who knows that he wants you, shows it and doesn't leave you feeling confused or being lead on.

He agreed to being friends and not being FWB, but he seems to really be keeping you around. I think if you would like to continue being friends with him it is wise to distance yourself (as you still have strong feelings for him) and move on romantically from him first.

 

While you take this break/breakup look more into what you really want and need in a partner. (it really helps if you have confusing feelings). Writing some lists of qualities you adore and ones you don't like may really help. Does he line up in your list with good qualities you want in a partner?

 

Best of luck

 

Thanks,

 

I do believe him when he says he wants to be single and I can't blame him since I broke his heart and that he's busy with school and has told me because he's busy it would take a toll on a relationship. It also shows me he wants to be 100% of what he wants before making a decision, he knows I want to be with him and not his friend. I'm only being his friend because I would like to be with him again.

 

Recently he agreed to see a movie and hang out, saying he is excited to hangout and see me also that he misses me but he added buddy to the end of miss you which was kinda odd. I have a feeling he still has feelings for me just in the way he acts, even tho we went no contact for a while and he had time to move on thats also why I stay.

 

I been trying to work on myself so i'm not so depressed over the situation but I have no one to blame but myself for my decision. I just hope he comes around and regains the love he had for me before because he's the person I would want a long relationship with.