Gottabestrong Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Hi, my breakup occurred 8 months ago after a 2.5 year relationship. We kept in touch for nearly 6 month but I started NC 9 weeks ago because I believe that I wont be able to heal if I am still in touch with him. I know that NC could have the effect of bringing the dumper back for a reconciliation if they miss the dumpee. Well, it has been 9 weeks and he has not called. Does that mean it is over for good? I have a feeling that if he cared he would have tried to contact me by now. I know, life is long and you don't know where it leads. We could run into each other years from now and maybe fall in love again. But the relationship we had, is it definitely over, with no chance of reconciliation? I guess the answer is yes, but I was hoping that somebody might tell of an instance where an ex came back after many months of NC. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 He'll come back when you're over him... Link to post Share on other sites
figgurinoutlife Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 That is so funny..."He'll come back when you're over him..." it is so dumb, but true. You are in the same boat as me, I have been doing NC w/my ex for 5 weeks after a 9 month friendship after a 6 month relationship so I could heal. We talked to each other EVERY day after the breakup, still had sex but there was no "us" anymore. She started dating others while I was the "friend" so she had her cake and ate it too, for awhile. I started NC so I could heal and maybe the side effect would be she would miss me since I was always there for her at her beck and call. I told my ex not to call me otherwise she would call me everyday and I was not moving on w/her doing so. My ex is probably still pissed right now, but it will die down and she will miss me probably after 6 mos. because that's the way she is. She loves to keep in contact w/ her ex's. She is not calling me now because she is trying to teach me a lesson, or get back at me for what I did to her, which was NC. I can bet he will call you, but it maybe awhile 3 mos, 6mos, or maybe a year. We're you close after the breakup? You are doing the right thing with NC, as it is the best way to get him to realize what he's missing and want you back. Link to post Share on other sites
sleeplessincnd Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 This is so true! That is what happened with my ex and we got back together the minute I decided to get rid of all the stuff he bought me and start dating again. We are broken up again tho so I am not sure it was really all that great of a plan - but that seems to be the way it works - you always want what you can't have and the minute he thinks he can't have you he will be all over your program. so get on with life if he comes back then you can deal with that then but even if he doesn't you won't have wasted one more minute of your time worrying about it! Link to post Share on other sites
Sharmaine Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Well let's put it this way, I had an ex return after a few years we'd been apart. He was an ex with whom I'd had a very nasty breakup, who I'd thought would never return in a million years, but he did........so I'd never say, never!! Like I keep saying in these forums and others, an ex WILL return, but only if there was any 'true love' between the two of you. The 'emotional bond' has to be a strong one between the two of you, a one that is extremely hard to sever! Most ex's come and go and we never see or hear from them again. When you will find that a 'certain' ex keeps on coming back (no matter how little or how much time lapses between you both)and you are finding that you can't and don't want to let go of this person either (you keep on taking them back), then there is a definite 'special something', 'a strong emotional bond', etc, etc.....with this particular person. These are the ex's most likely to return, perhaps in a month, a year or years down the line.....they normally show up when you are least expecting them too and normally after you've moved on!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gottabestrong Posted May 27, 2005 Author Share Posted May 27, 2005 Hi guys, thanks for your replies. What makes you think that he is going to call? I am sure there are exes that never call and just disappear out of their exes lifes. I just find it hard to believe that he could still care about me, if he is apparently fine with being without me for the last 8 months. In the whole time since the breakup we met each other only twice (in one week) 3 months ago. And that on my instigation. He never even suggested meeting up, and when he contacted me it was usually only about some superficial small talk topic. Even though I don't want to believe it, I think that it is obvious that he has moved on and the only contact with me he might be interested in is that of casual friends. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted May 27, 2005 Share Posted May 27, 2005 he still may call. I was with a guy 3 yrs and when we broke up, he just stopped talking to me and I chased and cried and text him and left messages and he continued to ignore me. So I decided to give up. I stopped all contact. I thought he must hate me? After about 4 weeks of me not calling, he must have flipped or sensed that I was done. He called and professed his love for me?> For some reason, they have this sixth sense when you are over them. As soon as you do not take your phone one day or do not check your email -they call or write! It is weird. It is possible. I am in the same situation right now though. i started NC again after chasing him and I am sticking to it. It hurts to tell myself this but, he will call if he wants me. And why do i want someone who does not love me as much as i love them. kep us posted. Do not give up hope, but do not call him Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 For a year or so I was hoping that my ex-husband would come back to me. He never did. I got over him. He is not in love with you. Move on. You will find your happiness with someone else sooner or later. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 For some reason, they have this sixth sense when you are over them. As soon as you do not take your phone one day or do not check your email -they call or write! It is weird. It hurts to tell myself this but, he will call if he wants me. And why do I want someone who does not love me as much as I love them? So true! Link to post Share on other sites
Sharmaine Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer For a year or so I was hoping that my ex-husband would come back to me. He never did. I got over him. He is not in love with you. Move on. You will find your happiness with someone else sooner or later. Wise words! While I have a past ex boyfriend with whom the ties were never severed, (he always/still does come back) - I've also been in that same situation with my ex husband as you have and we were together 10 years!!. I too awaited him coming back for around a year, he never did either.........I moved on and got over him too! There's just no way of knowing whether an ex is going to return one day, (some will/other's won't) and so meantime all one can do, is to try and move on and get on with their lives and RP is correct, one day you will find your happiness with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 at the time-did you ever think you would get over your husband??? Right now it seems impossible-how did you give up hope. I say I am going to move on and if he comes back, fine, if not Iwill be on with myself, but the hope sits me me and Imiss him. How long did it take you? Link to post Share on other sites
Sharmaine Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 at the time-did you ever think you would get over your husband??? Not sure whether you were asking me or RecordProducer, but in my case, yeah, I knew I'd get over him one day, because I've been thru heartbreak before (over a guy I was with before my husband) and I got over him and moved on!. So I knew it was possible to get over an ex, to move on and be happy again!! Time is a great healer, that is a true saying. We don't tend to think we will ever get over them, that we will never be happy again, etc, etc......but we do eventually, it just takes time! How long that time takes, differs from individual to individual. Right now it seems impossible-how did you give up hope. I say I am going to move on and if he comes back, fine, if not Iwill be on with myself, but the hope sits me me and Imiss him. How long did it take you? Well I gave up hope of him ever returning from day one he left, because my ex H left me for his OW......so that kinda lessened the chances he'd return. I knew that he was deadly serious about his OW, else he wouldn't have walked out on his family to be with her. However and a month after he left, he started calling me and saying he wanted to come home again, he still loved me, etc, etc, so that gave me fresh hope that he would return, but it was 'false hope' because he didn't come home! I grew pissed off with him calling and giving me 'false hope' and of course actions speak volumes, words alone are meaningless and no actions was forthcoming on his part to come back home. So at that point I decided to hell with him, I have MY life to live too and no way am I going to sit pining around forever more awaiting for something that would likely never happen again. And so this is when I went out and found a new job, started having nights out with friends, I did things that made me happy, etc, etc and slowly but surely I found myself not thinking about the ex H as much! I knew that I was finally over him, when I awoke one morning and he wasn't the 'first' thing on my mind. If he doesn't return, you WILL heal and eventually move on from it all.......it just all takes time hon Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 thanks! I look forward to the day I do not go to bed thinking of him and do not wake up thinking of him. it really sets my mood for the whole day when I get upset over something-even a stupid song or something? He is reallllllly great with words and no action too. We never really "broke up" He is going thru a div(finally coming to an end after 3 yrs) and child custody and his job is nuts, so I know he is stressed, but I have to see that he will never change and I do not want someone who cannot communicate and just runs when the stress comes! I still love him, but I am sooo looking fwd to the day that I can love again. Seems impossible now. I just hope that once I am over him he does not use his words to get me back. thanks. I like to hear that people DO get over them!And you did a husband. That is even harder. Good job! Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 wow...omg.i just have to say sumthing about this...lol i am going thru sumthing similar..i also want to stop thinking about my ex every time b4 i go to sleep everytime as soon as i wake up...i dont want him 2 b the first thing that cumz to my mind as soon as i open my eyes...i really love him..but i cant stick around nemore waiting for an impossible... in my situation i dont think he will come bak..i did think he was 4 a while but i just gotta cum bak 2 reality and say things happen 4 a reason.. i cant hang on to impossible hopes....cuz all dat is doing is hurting me..i want to move on..and yes it is hard but i will make it.. i know one day i wont think of him as much ne more..i will make it..ill get thru dis ..i will b fine... Link to post Share on other sites
ErinErinErin Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 I know exactly what you are going thru! My ex is just finishing up a bad divorce and has two children and a very stressful job which he works too much at...People in this situation are usually too confused about their own lives at the time that they cannot handle relationships in the same way as people who don't carry the same baggage. My ex is a walking time bomb and he even admits to it and admits to missing me soooo much, but he is afraid of getting hurt again. Hang in there- like everyone else has said- time heals the pain- let them know you are getting on with your own life and they usually come around and wonder what is new in your life eventually! Link to post Share on other sites
smile95 Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 I would love yo talk to you more -can I Pm you? We seem to have a lot in common? Link to post Share on other sites
Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 yea exactly..i have a cuzn who also is going thru almost the same thing as me ...and like i said we cant stick around waiting 4 an impossible..if he dont come bak then it wasnt meant to b ..well rii now it may seem it was never meant to b...ugh... u just cant trust every guy that talks sweet to u... u gotta protect ur heart from getting hurt....u gonna get thru dis gurl..dont worry...just gotta keep in ur mind that u will b fyne one day..u dont always need a man in ur life to make u happy and trust me ive learned it the hard way..alot of ppl once told ..always keep ur head up high....and dats wut u should do...he comes bak good..he doesnt well den good too..but u aint gonna stick there like a dumbas5s waiting for him..(i really should listen to wut i say lol) he will know ur over him..and watch ur gonna b good..ur later going to feel great about urself and b proud of wut u have accomplished.. u got thru it.... ..*sigh*.. and i will make it also...just takes time and effort...focus on sumthing else..u know i started drawing and im preety good at it..thats wut im focussing rite now on..i wanna b a designer and i will make it..thats wut u should do focuz on sumthing that will take ur time..dont make urself available.. Link to post Share on other sites
ErinErinErin Posted May 30, 2005 Share Posted May 30, 2005 beth5201- You can definaltey PM me! I will direct you to my original thread which explains what exactly went on between me and my ex... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?threadid=61618 Things were very intense between us and he always begged me not to hurt him because he had been hurt so badly years ago when his ex kicked him out... And I totally agree with you that when you start to get on with your life, then they start to sniff around again- this happened with me and my ex numerous times and has set me back each time I think I am getting over him. He was the one who decieded that we shouldn't talk because it was too hard and then he is calling me for dumb reasons and showing up where I work... Let me know what you think... Link to post Share on other sites
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