Brooklyn. Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 I really hope someone can offer some advice.... To start things off I was with a boyfriend for 2 years we had a rough start as when we got together he had just broke up with his ex of 2 years and so was with me for a few weeks then proceed to get back with her but we did keep I touch and I was distraught I know it wasn't long but for me I loved that boy. After a good few months he came back into my life and had split from the ex we started seeing one another but after last time I was weary he had broke my heart and I wanted to be with him fully but he was on lots of dating apps which hurt me, I admit I also joined one as I thought if he can't commit himself why should I I was looking for anyone just didn't want to feel played even though my heart belonged to him, after a few months of seeing one another he started to bring up boys I had dated when he left and took this out on me all the time even though the only reason I saw other people was because I felt upset and alone I know that isn't good enough and I'm not making excuses. Anyway we got together properly and he became controlling over me seeing my friends, wearing make up, what clothes I wore, I would have to ring him constantly it even got to the point where he would go mental because I didn't have my nails the right colour and would still bring up people I saw when we wasn't together, it got worse and worse everything I did was wrong and he made me feel low calling me a fat ugly slag and I felt so low he started to hit me and be very violent, I never used to fear him as thought I was in the wrong but it got worse over time, he carried on being on dating apps and even had a girl round our flat one evening and lied to me but I forgave him, I wasn't perfect I made mistakes too and did talk to lads as friends possibly over friendly but this was in the early days and meant nothing but I knew I made mistakes, he got more and more controlling and violent and he used to beat me even for texting my friends back and I got scared, he scared me so badly I thought he could kill me and I didn't want to see him as much anymore I was too scared, my family found out what was happening and he promised not to hurt me again but he did. After that thought he seemed to change and suddenly stopped he was still controlling but just didn't hit me or call me names, but his change was too little too late I was scared every time I saw him I wouldn't make it home alive but he thought I was being silly, my feelings for him changed I was still madly in love with him but I didn't want to see him and I didn't feel the same for me it didn't work anymore too much had gone on . One day I left.... I struggled leaving and I can still hear his cries now and it kills me and keeps me awake at night, I know it's soon and out of character but I saw somebody else we got on well and I felt safe which at the time was all I wanted but my mind wasn't happy and I needed back my ex I told him I had saw someone else and he went crazy and was shouting and threatening me even though he had done the same and been on dates he gave me another chance but I immediately regretted it and still didn't feel the same towards him and like I was forcing him so I left him again and saw the other guy, things went well but then once again I realised my feelings for my ex so told him I wanted to give it another go, he had been seeing someone else too and continued to see her which upset me, he had me round all weeknd and as soon as I left saw the other girl I know I had done wrong but that just killed me so bad and he even told me she was better than me which killed I told him I was sorry and would make things right . Since then I have continued to try with him I know I need to make things right and try more than him as I was the one who left him twice so I keep trying I text him and call and always ask to do things, he did make effort by coming to see me when I went on a family holiday but he seems to be distant I tell him I love him and I miss him and all he says is that's nice when he used to madly in love with me, I know I have done wrong and I feel such a bad person please don't judge me how can I make things right ? He keeps saying he isn't sure about us and won't ever feel the same about me but I keep saying I'm going to try anyway and I do, but he always bring up me leaving and all his friends and family say he can do better, he is embarrassed of me and said he does talk to the other girl he was seeing if she messages him which again hurts me, he can try but then goes cold ? Is he just trying to not let his guard down or have I done to much damage ? Link to post Share on other sites
trustyourself Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 You have done nothing wrong. If anything, everything he has done is wrong. No one should be treated like he has treated you. You need to walk away from this now. I understand you love him, but this relationship is toxic. You are just going to get really hurt. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 (edited) you sound romantic, which is lovely for the right man, but not for a horrible rude man you seem addicted to this destructive relationship, when love can be so much better Edited July 18, 2017 by darkmoon 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Have you done too much damage? No, he has. This man is abusive and toxic. Don't try to work it out with someone who doesn't love you and treats you like crap. It won't end well for you. Instead, think about seeking professional help. A good counselor can help you understand why you are so attached so such a dysfunctional relationship. This is extremely unhealthy and will destroy you if you go back for more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Read back over what you just wrote about. And why exactly do you want to be with him? Can't be love because he certainly doesn't love you. Do you think the way he treated you is normal? It's not. You two aren't compatible. Sorry, but you should want a better relationship then what you've had with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brooklyn. Posted July 19, 2017 Author Share Posted July 19, 2017 Thank you for all of the support, it makes me feel better to hear people say I haven't done wrong. Even though he has now changed and isn't abusive at all and I do see him nearly every day so surely he must want to see me and we got on very well and we do go for meals and he always cooks for me and does try, you still think I should walk away ? Even though he has changed in the sense it's just waiting to see if he can forgive me for leaving ? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 (edited) bring this question up subtly, smiling, you need to ask when he is in a good mood, and this all needs a bit of thought you really need to see a few months (not days) of this new and better treatment, hopefully, this will happen, actions speak louder than words, no prompting from you, just his voluntary good nature for a few months, can he happily keep it going? so far so good... Edited July 19, 2017 by darkmoon Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brooklyn. Posted July 19, 2017 Author Share Posted July 19, 2017 Yes things take time and hopefully one day he can forgive me for leaving him and things can get better but today he has ignored me all day when I haven't done nothing but try I have still called and text but no answer and I am distraught just don't know what to do to makes things better I am trying my hardest for him Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 you do not need a bad guy, well, when he does appear, ask him where he was, do not jump to any conclusions maybe he is the type to go away and ponder on his own, all harmless but overall, the one thing you can rely on is his unreliabilty, imo - is this what you want in a man? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brooklyn. Posted July 19, 2017 Author Share Posted July 19, 2017 Yes I will do but he knows it upsets me him ignoring me but continues to do it, it's almost as if he likes to upset me, literally just one text from him would make me so happy. He will say something like well I used to want to talk to you all the time but since you left me I'm happy on my own and I don't wanna talk to you and that hurts ! Of course not, I would love him to be reliable but even though he has bad qualitys so do I and I love him so much that I just feel stuck, thank you for all your help . Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Even though he has now changed and isn't abusive at all and I do see him nearly every day so surely he must want to see me and we got on very well and we do go for meals and he always cooks for me and does try, you still think I should walk away ? Even though he has changed in the sense it's just waiting to see if he can forgive me for leaving ? Abusers don't change. His nature is ingrained. What you see right now is just a facade. Why would you even revisit someone like him? Is this the best you think you can do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brooklyn. Posted July 22, 2017 Author Share Posted July 22, 2017 I found out he had saw another girl which really upset me but he said it was because he was annoyed at what I had done, I saw him last night and he did make an effort but I think I saw a long ass text from another girl on his phone but then he makes 0 effort when texting me and is really blunt this morning and I feel everything is all one sided from me please help ? Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 This relationship sounds abusive and drama filled. He does not treat you as good as you deserve. I know it is hard when you have low self esteem and you may think about the good things in the relationship, but I think you can do better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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