Ex-boyfriend who slept with his ex wants me back

[chebell]

My ex (23) and I (22) were together for 1,5 years and he broke up with me almost 2 months ago. I didn't want to break up, but he said that he realized he's not ready for relationship. He admitted he had huge feelings for me though, but said he didn't want to lie to me and lead me on.

 

He had been planning a vacation to Asia for 6 months earlier. He went to Asia to visit his best (male) friend for 3 weeks. During that time I went to NC and in the end of 3 weeks I just couldn't hold it in and texted him that I miss him. He texted back that I'm constantly on his mind, too. So I left it like that, hoping he will come back from that trip and contact me.

 

But I was soo wrong. Through mutual connections I got to know that he booked a flight to another country after meeting his best friend for 2 weeks, to Singapore, for a week, and he met up with his ex. I knew she works in different countries doing modelling, at that time she was in Singapore. When I saw both of their Instagram stories, I realized they were really together, although they never showed each other faces or anything, but the locations were exactly the same. My heart sunk, because we had been talking to each other about our exes and he said that he's completely over her, although she broke up with him 4 years ago over a text back then because she went modelling to another country and found a new boyfriend there. So last time when they saw each other, they were actually together and it's possible he hadn't really got over her.

 

I texted him immediately saying that now I understand everything and I know they're together. I also deleted him from FB and IG. He still follows me on IG. He didn't respond to this text until after 5 weeks, yesterday, when he called me. He was crying over the phone and begged me to meet up with him.

 

I agreed, because I felt like I deserve a proper explanation from him. When I asked who initiated the contact to meet up in Singapore, he said it was him and he really didn't give me a clear answer why he wanted to meet up with her. He said that he needed to realize that he didn't have any feelings for her anymore and when he saw him, he instantly realized it was a huge mistake and he didn't really like her. When I asked if they slept together, he said yes and said it was a one time thing and he regrets it and wants to erase it from his memory. I felt sick to my stomach, because it was his EX, whom he broke up with over 4 years ago!!

 

He said he wanted to meet me because he had realized he had made a huge mistake for breaking up with me and he wants to get back together and he's ready to start a relationship with me. He said that he wants to make me happy every single day and he wants to give me everything I deserve. When I asked him if he still talks to his ex, he said that after that trip they still talked and she wanted to meet up with him soon, but he had said no. He said that this girl still has feelings for him, but he doesn't want her.

 

He said he realized now how amazing I am and what a good heart I have and that he doesn't want anyone else besides me and he's willing to prove that to me every day. He said that I can take as long time as I want and he agreed to wait for months for my final response. I told him I don't want to get my heart broken again and he said it will never happen and he will never hurt me again. He said he's ready to move in with me and marry me someday and that he sees future with me, which he didn't see when we were together. Basically he said all those things I wanted to hear when he wanted to break up with me.

 

I must say, I didn't recognize him because he had changed so much. Of course I felt happy to hear these words because he was my first love and I still have deep feelings for him, I truly love him. But what concerns me is this ex-girlfriend thing. How can I be sure he's truly over him? What do you think? Am I too naive getting back with him?

Edited May 5, 2017 by chebell

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I can only give advice based on what you have written, and to be honest, his story just doesn't add up.

 

Firstly, I suspect that he avoided telling you his reasons for flying to see her because if he was honest he would have to tell you that he planned to have sex with her before he even got on the plane.

 

Secondly, if he wanted to erase the memory of their sexual escapade in Singapore, why would he be posting pictures of their trip on social media and remain in contact with her after he left?

 

Thirdly, he claimed he realized he had made a huge mistake breaking up with you and wanted to get back together, yet he ignored you for over a month after he got back, so when exactly did he have this sudden change of heart?

 

In light of his actions, his words sound a bit hollow and insincere. I'm sorry, I just don't buy it.

 

However, that is just one opinion. You have to make a decision that feels right for you. I would just caution you to take things slowly and consider the following questions..

 

How long have they been in contact since they broke up four years ago?

Was it while you were dating?

Was she a factor in his decision to break up with you?

If you contacted her, would she give you a different account of events? (It is possible she rejected him again)

 

These are things you deserve to know before even considering giving him another chance.

 

Good luck.

[xwithlisa]

Let's be honest, it's fairly obvious that this guy is a jumper.

You're the backup plan when he can't get it somewhere else.

He isn't ready to commit at all. You never know but you would most probably regret giving him a second chance.

[juniorrocha]

To me, it's clear he got dumped by his ex AGAIN.

 

He didn't want a relationship with you, thinking he'd be better off alone. He meets up with his ex, had sex with her (if that's even true), posts stories, then suddenly he goes crawling right back to you - sounds like someone was dumped here and is hurt, so he went to the person who loves/wants him so he can feed his ego.

 

If you give in easily, get ready to get dumped again soon.

 

I say, if you think his actions are genuine, then take things real slow, so you can see how it goes. After all, you know him better than we do. But in all honesty, it doesn't seem like he's worth it.