Recent BreakUp And I Might Be Holding On To False Hopes

[ThupidCupid]

I've been in a serious relationship with someone for the past 1.5 years. We travelled together, went places together, even lost our virginities to each other. These past months we haven't had the time to see each other in person. My parents are strict so I'm not allowed to go out on weekdays, and usually something came up on the weekends. I guess with that being said, we drifted apart. He began hanging out with his friends more despite me asking to call him. I'd get extremely upset when he hung out with his friends instead of calling me.

 

We were logged into each other's Instagrams, and I often noticed how girls would spam like his photos and he would return the favor. One night this exactly happened, and my heart broke. I lashed out, and then asked for a break because we kept arguing a lot. However, he decided to end it entirely. At the time I was full of emotions but I didn't want to let him go. I wanted time for us to calm down before we talk out our problems. But he gave me excuses to why we should end things now (he doesn't want to be in a relationship, we drifted apart, he was unhappy, i "apparently" seemed unhappy, etc).

 

He explained he doesn't know what he wants right now but also didn't want to continue the relationship. I wish I began the NC rule but instead began begging and pleading for him to back. It wasn't what I wanted obviously, I thought the break would help us realize that we were arguing over pointless things. He asked for time but I was terrified that with time he'd move on. I wrote long letters, asked to see him, called him, which probably lead to him drifting further away from me. I even began online stalking him to my best ability, even going through his friends photos. I miss him terribly, and it hurts that we ended this way when we could have communicated and talked it out.

 

It's ironic because now my father stays home so I have more freedom during the weekdays. I've been a wreck for the past week and a half, I've been trying to distract myself and often slip up and message him or stalk his social media. I don't know how he's handling it, he's with his friends a lot and began smoking/drinking. I tried NC for a day until I broke it this morning. I apologized to him for me lashing out because I am emotionally unstable. He responded, "it's okay.. I understand." I then said that I would like to remain contact because we were close, unless he wants to cut all ties with me then that is okay too. He said he didn't want to cut all ties with me.

 

I then proceeded to ask him what he was doing and he said he was completing homework and asked me what I was doing. The small conversation lasted for 2 hours due to both of us late replying. I then found this website, and learned about the NC rule. I didn't open the message, and I deleted the conversation. In a sense that gave me power because I'm no longer feeling anxious about waiting for a reply from him. I realized that we are an anxious / avoidant pairing (me being the anxious one). I understand I pretty much opened the door for him to walk out, but I thought us cooling down will allow us to communicate more logically and fix our issues. I really thought they were worth fixing, how hard could it be to fix us seeing each other more in person? Now that my father stays home, it was possible.

 

But he may have been slowly losing interest for a month or so. I screwed up, and after reading some of your guys posts I acknowledged that he asked for time and space and I didn't quite give it to them. I don't want him to think that I don't care about his wishes, but the thought of losing him made me crazy.

 

I'm willing to commit to the NC rule.. I just want to share my experience in hopes that someone else is also feeling my pain or is in a similar position.. and what their thoughts are about it. Would we ever be able to reconcile? Has he moved on? What do you think is racing through his mind right now?

Edited April 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
paragraphs, please use them

[ThupidCupid]

I extremely need answers so.. bump.

[loveiswar101]

He explained he doesn't know what he wants right now but also didn't want to continue the relationship.

 

Hi, sorry to hear your upset. Im going to be brutal but mean well.

 

He has stated what he wants as above. You like me and so many others have fallen into the emotional side heavy and want what the heart wants and believe me thats beauty at its best (never lose who you are). But end of road when we chase lose who we are we fall and fall hard down the rabbit hole and despair.

 

Walk away, let his actions determine your actions, he makes an effort you make an effort. Simple.

 

The way I read your post Im taking your very young, believe me, there will be many and each one is an experience, we learn from each one until the day comes when the one we want arrives and we need learn no more, the ride is over and were at our destination.

 

I hope you get there on day.

[ThupidCupid]

Hi, sorry to hear your upset. Im going to be brutal but mean well.

 

He has stated what he wants as above. You like me and so many others have fallen into the emotional side heavy and want what the heart wants and believe me thats beauty at its best (never lose who you are). But end of road when we chase lose who we are we fall and fall hard down the rabbit hole and despair.

 

Walk away, let his actions determine your actions, he makes an effort you make an effort. Simple.

 

The way I read your post Im taking your very young, believe me, there will be many and each one is an experience, we learn from each one until the day comes when the one we want arrives and we need learn no more, the ride is over and were at our destination.

 

I hope you get there on day.

 

Yes, it indeed hurts. I know time heals all wounds but I already feel like months passed. I still get the slightest bit of anxiety at night because of the situation. I do feel like I have lost myself since we broke up, as I began to depend on him for happiness. I truly hope he is happy, but there's that false sense that I hope he regrets what happened. We never argued or broke up before. We were seen as a power couple, and our feelings were strong. I wish we had brought up our issues to be fixed rather than let them split us apart.

[loveiswar101]

For sure it hurts and its as hard as anything one can do, but walk away please. Don't dwell on if but what who where when if only.

 

Make your own happiness, make your own life, with or without him, it's hard now but it will get better.

 

"our feelings were strong" really, yours maybe his are obviously not as strong as yours or you would still be together. I'm sorry, you're not.

 

ONLY person who matters at this point, this very moment in time is YOU.

 

Leave the fantasy for the movies, please. Forget or let go what you think you had, if you still had it he would not of moved on.

 

The way you write is naive but so sweet. It a learning curve, one that when you get to the end you will be so much more..

 

I wish you well. think of you and you only, if he crawls back make sure its on your terms, if not, walk.

[ThupidCupid]

For sure it hurts and its as hard as anything one can do, but walk away please. Don't dwell on if but what who where when if only.

 

Make your own happiness, make your own life, with or without him, it's hard now but it will get better.

 

"our feelings were strong" really, yours maybe his are obviously not as strong as yours or you would still be together. I'm sorry, you're not.

 

ONLY person who matters at this point, this very moment in time is YOU.

 

Leave the fantasy for the movies, please. Forget or let go what you think you had, if you still had it he would not of moved on.

 

The way you write is naive but so sweet. It a learning curve, one that when you get to the end you will be so much more..

 

I wish you well. think of you and you only, if he crawls back make sure its on your terms, if not, walk.

 

Thank you for the encouraging words. I plan to stay connected on this site because I have a feeling recovering with other people in my position will inspire me to keep pushing. I definitely need to leave the fantasies alone. However my mind lately has been thinking of nothing but fantasies. Reading the other posts I know there could be a chance of reconciliation. But I know that he needs to be the one to contact me, right? I did after all initiate the break but he broke up with me fully. So I'm not sure who's really the dumper? I'd like to say him.. because I wasn't trying to let go of him. We just needed a moment and not to respond back and forth with the emotions we were feeling at the time. I'm hoping with no contact I do learn how to learn about myself again and love myself. Perhaps start working out and create a regimen that will help me have a productive day. But of course in the back of my head, I'm hoping he will message me again after thinking about what we had and that it wasn't something that shouldn't have happened (the breakup I mean) However the break was what we needed to get ourselves together again.

Edited March 23, 2017 by ThupidCupid
To give a better explanation

[sc98cbra]

Thank you for the encouraging words. I plan to stay connected on this site because I have a feeling recovering with other people in my position will inspire me to keep pushing. I definitely need to leave the fantasies alone. However my mind lately has been thinking of nothing but fantasies. Reading the other posts I know there could be a chance of reconciliation. But I know that he needs to be the one to contact me, right? I did after all initiate the break but he broke up with me fully. So I'm not sure who's really the dumper? I'd like to say him.. because I wasn't trying to let go of him. We just needed a moment and not to respond back and forth with the emotions we were feeling at the time. I'm hoping with no contact I do learn how to learn about myself again and love myself. Perhaps start working out and create a regimen that will help me have a productive day. But of course in the back of my head, I'm hoping he will message me again after thinking about what we had and that it wasn't something that shouldn't have happened (the breakup I mean) However the break was what we needed to get ourselves together again.

 

 

 

Don't let the titles "dumper" and "dumpee" confuse you. In most relationships, both parties play some role in a breakup, whether it is by action or inaction.

 

The wounds are still raw, so just give it a few weeks (maybe 14 days) of complete silence. It is going to be hard, but you will make it through. Once you feel ready, reach out to him (but be prepared to accept whatever he says to you).

[ThupidCupid]

Don't let the titles "dumper" and "dumpee" confuse you. In most relationships, both parties play some role in a breakup, whether it is by action or inaction.

 

The wounds are still raw, so just give it a few weeks (maybe 14 days) of complete silence. It is going to be hard, but you will make it through. Once you feel ready, reach out to him (but be prepared to accept whatever he says to you).

 

I'm so scared to find out what he's going to say. Rejection isn't my best suit.

[ExpatInItaly]

I say it on here often, but it's worth repeating: First loves are almost never our last.

 

They hurt like heck when they end, but as you heal and move on you will see that there are bigger and better opportunities waiting for you. I am guessing you are both very young. While you had some good times together, people at your ages are rarely ready to really commit. You gather lots more life and dating experience first.

[ThupidCupid]

I say it on here often, but it's worth repeating: First loves are almost never our last.

 

They hurt like heck when they end, but as you heal and move on you will see that there are bigger and better opportunities waiting for you. I am guessing you are both very young. While you had some good times together, people at your ages are rarely ready to really commit. You gather lots more life and dating experience first.

 

I know.. I've been told before. However I don't think I'll find another love for many many years. I don't want to open myself up again and be vulnerable and get hurt again. And something is just different.. we never really had problems so it sucks that this is what ends our relationship. I'm still going NC.. I always fail after a day so I hope I can continue longer now. He means the world to me, and I'm not understanding how this came to be and why.. yes we are young, but we've been there for each other through hell and back. It sucks that you get dropped suddenly you know? I don't know how to process it.. all I keep thinking about is him. And if he's really staying true to being single. It's all just too much for me.. I was so content and happy, I wish we better communicated so we could fix these minor problems.

[ExpatInItaly]

I know.. I've been told before. However I don't think I'll find another love for many many years. I don't want to open myself up again and be vulnerable and get hurt again. And something is just different.. we never really had problems so it sucks that this is what ends our relationship. I'm still going NC.. I always fail after a day so I hope I can continue longer now. He means the world to me, and I'm not understanding how this came to be and why.. yes we are young, but we've been there for each other through hell and back. It sucks that you get dropped suddenly you know? I don't know how to process it.. all I keep thinking about is him. And if he's really staying true to being single. It's all just too much for me.. I was so content and happy, I wish we better communicated so we could fix these minor problems.

 

I do indeed know the feeling.

 

I am nearly 36 now, and have had a few significant relationships. Two ended

under bad circumstances, even after a several years together.

 

Going through rough times together also unfortunately doesn't guarantee a relationship will last forever.

 

But, I can tell you that with each relationship you learn more about yourself. You learn what you want and don't want. You will more than likely not stay single for many, many years. That's your inexperience and youth talking, though I don't mean that in a bad way. It means that while you are hurting now, it won't last as long you think. As you become more detached from your ex, you will start to find yourself growing curious about other boys too. It will take time, of course. But I can promise you this first love won't look nearly as amazing once you meet the next guy to rock your socks. You just have nothing to compare this to right now, which is part of the reason our first break-ups hurt so much. We simply haven't yet met the next, greater person.

[ThupidCupid]

I do indeed know the feeling.

 

I am nearly 36 now, and have had a few significant relationships. Two ended

under bad circumstances, even after a several years together.

 

Going through rough times together also unfortunately doesn't guarantee a relationship will last forever.

 

But, I can tell you that with each relationship you learn more about yourself. You learn what you want and don't want. You will more than likely not stay single for many, many years. That's your inexperience and youth talking, though I don't mean that in a bad way. It means that while you are hurting now, it won't last as long you think. As you become more detached from your ex, you will start to find yourself growing curious about other boys too. It will take time, of course. But I can promise you this first love won't look nearly as amazing once you meet the next guy to rock your socks. You just have nothing to compare this to right now, which is part of the reason our first break-ups hurt so much. We simply haven't yet met the next, greater person.

 

 

So there's no chance of us working out our feelings and giving it another shot then? Like at all?

[ExpatInItaly]

So there's no chance of us working out our feelings and giving it another shot then? Like at all?

 

It's not impossible. People do reconcile sometimes.

 

It just doesn't seem very likely, based on the reasons he ended it. It wasn't working and he had been distancing himself from you and prioritizing friends instead. He doesn't want a commitment at this point in his life.

 

How old are the both of you, exactly?

[ThupidCupid]

Both 17, actually. He's 11 days older than me.

 

 

Minor update....

Broke NC - several times. Ashamed of myself, broke down countless times. It was due to me checking his social media. Of course he posts pictures, I see the females commenting, it upsets me. Why do I look for things to hurt me? In a way I know this is happening, so I search for actual proof and then I upset myself.

 

A female who goes to my school (who supposedly hates me because I dated him and she was crushing on him) starts allegations that she had sex with my ex while we were together. I figured it wasn't true but I couldn't help it I lost myself. I texted him believing it at first. Said hurtful things, and once again poured my feelings out. Couple of days later the female texts me once again (I didn't respond) but sent the message to my ex. He responded but I never acknowledged it. Fast forward to a week or two later...

 

The other day he texts me accusing me of giving his number out.

I was hurt because the last message I sent him was how although I love him we can't be friends because of that. And I also added how I wish we could try again. I regret adding that part because I don't want him to think I'm waiting around for him.

 

Back to the text, I told him it wasn't me and I wished him good luck. He then tells me he is going to change his number which I said "alright" and then told him to never text me accusing me of his issues again. Also told him he already hurt me he doesn't get to do it again.

Now, the thing is I too have been getting random texts from people. Either telling me he's a loser and has no future or that he's out having sex with different females and etcetc. I didn't mention that to him however.

 

His friends have been taunting me throughout the breakup. Adding me on fb, constantly reading my Snapchat stories, screenshotting my photos and sending them to their group chats. I texted him this morning telling him and his friends to leave me alone. Of course, it transitioned into a little back and forth bickering. I then told him how he was selfish and only cares about himself for completely disregarding me and my feelings and for never thinking that I may be getting random texts about us two. He then says that they're trying to make him look bad in which I replied "you made yourself look bad from the start". His response to that was "Ig..." and our conversation ended with me telling him to tell his friends to (eff) off. He responds "I will" and it was over.

 

I broke down once again, deactivating my social media for a little. My go to tactic is isolating myself. My brother got mad at me for doing so and told me to continue to socialize and be out there. He's right, so I went back on and continued like nothing happened. I blocked his phone number this time, because I want to avoid bread crumbs. I was crying all morning, and I felt how I did when we freshly broken up. The feeling hits you like a train.

 

Many told me that he didn't have anything going for himself. Finishing school didn't seem to be a priority for him at the time. He was always with his friends going to the mall. Meanwhile I'm so focused on school and college and being a forensic pathologist. But I was there to support him to guide him to make sure he got out of the hell hole he was currently in.

 

He seems okay with it all. He posts on social media, made new female friends. Not sure how he's coping with it but it seems to be better than me. It still all feels so unreal. Yes we're young but I wanted to be with him, I never considered being with anyone else at all. It makes my head hurt.

 

I saw some posts today about how if you really love a boy at a young age you have to deal with his immaturity and him having to grow up to be a man. Of course it goes both ways, but the post was directed as woman to man. Also was told how he's young and dumb and doesn't know what he wants. And he'll go through his trial of people and may come back to me one day. As of right now, the idea of that makes me feel better. But it's based off my current emotions and howim still... not really in love but I still feel so attached and I'm not ready to let go of what we had. I'm hoping when I'm fully moved on, I don't care what he does. But as of right now, the thought of him flirting and loving someone else hurts. I wish I was able to move on and be with someone else.

 

I've talked to new people, but I feel wrong for doing so. I don't see anything working out or it getting serious anytime soon so I drop it. Currently talking to somebody, but they're already failing to give me simple things such as phone calls. And they're clearly trying to skip ahead to the sexual flirting and whatnot which I'm not accepting.

 

I regret saying stuff to him when we would bicker. But pouring my heart out only didn't help me one bit. I love him enough that I hope he's happy with whatever he chooses to do. I'll always feel like he made the wrong decision, because he chose me over his friends who really don't care about him or his future in ways I do. I was bitter and publicly said things I shouldn't have. And months or years from now I hope he changed himself for the better. Wishing bad on him made me feel worse, and I can't be that way anymore. And a few months or years from now, I hope we can try again. When we're older and changed.

 

I'm back on here again, because I need hard guidance I suppose. From people in my position or who have been in my position. It helped me enough for me to walk away and work things out on my own, but I need this website again. And I hope to really walk away in a more positive light.

Edited April 17, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator