decision needs to be made

[stupid30]

Hi

 

I am new and have never posted anything ever before, so please excuse if I am doing it wrong.

 

The background. I met a guy at work over three years ago, me married 2 teens, him with partner and new child. We talked and laughed for a few months and got closer. I wasn't happy at home and enjoyed the attention. We then crossed the line and the connection was amazing. We saw each other regularly even though he had moved jobs, went away together when we could. Our time together was so good. Fast forward 12 months and my husband found out. I stopped seeing the OM immediately, went to counselling but my heart was not completely in repairing the marriage and my OH couldn't forgive me. I saw my OM out of the blue a few months later and my feelings for him came back so strong I nearly passed out. A few messages and we were back seeing each other and sleeping together. The sex was the best I had ever had. I made the decision to move out and left my husband. I never expected my AP to leave his partner but I saw him regularly and I was happy with getting on with my life and having him in it even though it was not a proper relationship. No one else on the scene ne for me. 18 months later and we had planned a whole weekend together, so excited. On the second night he slipped up and when pushed I discovered he had had another child with his partner, child is now 8 months old. I had absolutely no idea, I was stunned, shouted, cried and because we had been drinking was stuck where I was. The next day we talked and talked. He didn't want to tell me because he knew how I would react, he only slept with her once and bang she was pregnant, not sleeping together now, cliché, cliché, cliché!!! I came back early and feel so empty, I wasn't stupid enough to think that they weren't sleeping together. But that he could keep something that major away from me was a stab to my heart. I obviously knew he was capable of lying, he's been having an affair with me for so long. But stupidly thought we were honest with each other.

 

I now have some time to think as he is working away for a few weeks. He wants me to make a decision as to where we go from here. He still wants to see me and be friends, no shock there. I never expected him to leave his partner and was happy with howhat things were. Low self esteem case book.

 

I don't know where to go from here and am crying so hard at the thought of never seeing him again if that is what I choose. I can't talk to anyone about this as nobody knows.

 

I know what the brutal truth is really but can not imagine my life without him in it.

 

Thanks for listening.

[Telemachus]

It seems to me that the bad outweighs the good with this guy, but your internal assessment is otherwise.

 

You know that you cannot trust him. Trust is the lifeblood of all positive human relationships.

 

What you're choosing for yourself is sex without trust, friendship without trust. Personally, I couldn't accept that for myself, but this is your choice to make and you know the consequences and how this may play out over time.

 

You don't mention your relationship with your children and whether they're even part of your life now. Mine are 19 and 21, and I can't imagine having given them up for a fling. They need me in totally different ways from how they needed me when they were small, but they still need and value my presence. I couldn't be present for them, if I was off chasing someone who had her/his own family somewhere else.

[loveiswar101]

OMG. Where do you want me to start! Please take a seat as Im in an honest mood and am going to say what I feel not holding back on this.

 

WTF do you want? TRUST, you both cheated on your relationships, you both lied and both cheated without remorse it seems.

 

How can you trust him...he lied to his partner in the beginning and is doing so now to her and you.

 

You did the same but will raise my hat to you that you left your partner and that take courage and was the right thing to do in the end. For you and your ex. Over time hopefully he can move on.

 

Current situation, you say your happy with where things are.. BULL****, why are you upset. Reality check, if it were 1 2 3 4 5 kids why would it matter to you!

 

Sorry for being mean but its the truth, forget all the cheating you have both done. Be honest to yourself PLEASE.

 

Unless he leaves his partner you will never be happy, face it, dig deep and think hard, dont let the smoke blind your judgement...you want him...to you... you only.

 

Let his actions determine yours. At this moment he is not doing anything, easy option and put all the pressure on some one else. you, if if really really wanted you he would leave his partner. He has not and as you write im taking a guess he will not.

 

Start fresh walk away and find someone new. If you keep this fantasy going you will waste precious years of your life...please don't. we are only give on life.. don't waste it.. Love

[BluesPower]

stupid30, please, let's get real for a second...

 

Some of these posters are giving good advice. But let's talk about some reality.

 

You are what 40??? Maybe less? OK. You lost interest in your husband, you lost interest in your marriage, and this affair was really and exit affair. It was shiny and new and you got the best sex of your life out of it. Great.

 

Ok, cool, lots of people do it.

 

So if your marriage had been less dull, and your husband was a better lover, and you still found him attractive, would you have left? Maybe you would have.

 

So now, you have this new guy, I am guessing younger since he just had a baby with his wife???

 

And, you don't want him to leave his wife and kids but you don't want him sleeping with her and having another kid next year. So what is wrong with what I just listed???

 

He is lying to you and he has been the whole time. He has been sleeping with his wife the whole time. You are his mistress. You are probably very pretty and you guys have a great sexual connection. This guy may be bigger and/or has way more experience than your husband and he is better in the sack. It is also better because you are having an affair and you are attracted to him.

 

As long as you understand that you have been played so he could have some action on the side, that is fine. But is you think it was ever more than a strong attraction and good extra sex for him, girlfriend, you are wrong.

 

So you have left your husband and kids I guess, your choice. Here are your other choices.

 

If you are ok with the amount and quality of the sex you are getting with the OM then continue on like you are.

 

If you want to have a real relationship with a man, the OM is not for you. There are plenty of guys out there that know what they are doing in the sack and would like to have a real relationship with a beautiful woman. One of these guys may be better for you in the long run.

 

But if you are OK being his extra chick then stay in the affair...