Should I forget him?

[sophomoregirl]

Hi, I had been seeing a sophomore guy (I'm a sophomore too) that goes to a different college in the same town for about 4 months. We started seeing each other last November until February 24th. We went out on dates at first, however once I started hanging out with him in his dorm room, it shifted more to that. He had surprised me with a Christmas present first and drove to take me on a date during winter break though. On February 24th, he told me that "I kinda don't think we should see each other anymore." I had sort of been expecting that he would say something like that because before then we had not seen each other after Valentine's Day. I tried to be calm and told him that I had been expecting that and that I understood and that I had felt like there was some distance between us, but that I didn't want to pressure him to say anything if he was not ready. I asked him if we could be friends because I thought that in the future I would like him as a friend, and to my surprise he invited me to his fraternity's party that same night. I declined however because that is too soon. I called him a little bit later because I realized I had not asked him why he thought we kind of shouldn't see each other anymore and he said that he felt like we weren't really connecting and that he doesn't see long term. Before all of that about a month before, I had asked him what he was looking for and he said he didn't know. I told him that I was looking for an exclusive, committed, long term relationship. He had texted my best friend asking her for advice, however did not actually get to asking her. My best friend had said that she had heard that he was going back and forth from wanting a relationship to wanting a hookup, although I'm not sure where she heard it from. I guess right now I am in a state of confusion. I am not sure if we had a fair chance because he goes to a different college and we would only see each other once a week usually (twice at most) and would watch movies/TV shows for a big chunk of our time, or if it was on my end because I feel like I may not have been open enough. Maybe part of it was on his end? I never let him pick me up from my home or had him meet my friends. I have been single all my life, so getting into a relationship would be a big deal for me. I think in a way him starting with breaking it off was a relief because I feel like I am not the best that I can be yet. I have always deep down, felt afraid of being in a relationship. He has only had one girlfriend and they dated for a week his freshman year of college (he's more of a shy guy and doesn't talk very much usually unless you start first.) I'm shy too, so it's harder for me to think of conversation topics sometimes. I texted him a week later after February 24th, and asked him if he would be willing to meet up and he had asked why. I told him that I wanted to talk in person and told him no pressure if he didn't want to, but never got a reply after that. Also, he's atheist and I'm Catholic. I just don't want to regret things because I'm not sure if I tried enough. Should I wait and focus on myself first until next school semester or after, or should I talk to him before the semester is over? Should I be the one to initiate contact or see if he ever does?

[Telemachus]

He made his decision and doesn't seem all that interested. You write toward the end of your posting that you're not sure that you tried enough. You did try enough.

 

Let it go. Don't push the idea of friendship. You weren't ideal for each other, and that isn't anyone's fault. That's how most relationships go. The vast majority don't last a lifetime - they have a beginning and an end. This applies equally to friendships and to romantic relationships. People come into and out of our lives, and we pass into and out of theirs.

 

About his first girlfriend, whom you say he dated for a week. A week doesn't seem long enough to call it any kind of relationship. You and he had about three months - that's a fling, in the grand scheme of things.

 

No matter how shy you are, your writing indicates that you have a clear mind and you seem to be a kind person. I can assure you that you'll have other relationships, ones that last longer, if you're open to that. Just remember the lesson that this relationship teaches: feelings between two people are almost never fully mutual and reciprocal. People you feel the strongest attachment to, immediate family excepted, aren't generally going to feel that way about you. Conversely, the people most attracted to you aren't going to be the ones you're most attracted to.

[sophomoregirl]

Thank you for taking the time to give me your advice and input! Also, thank you for the compliment. You seem to have a lot of wisdom and have given me the confidence to start moving on It really resonates with me the lesson that you brought up.