Relationship Moved Too Physical Too Fast, GF Broke Up With Me

[Wishes23]

Thank you to all of you that read this and an even bigger thank you to those that reply. Trying to keep this short..

 

I am in my early thirties and one night ended up sleeping with a woman in my circle of friends. She's more of a friend of my friends, but we always go out in groups together.

 

After sleeping together, she initiated texts, later asked me out, and we began dating from there. For the first five weeks, I wasn't sure how I felt about everything. Half the time, we'd go out on dates. The other half, we'd watch Netflix and sleep together.

 

It wasn't until the last two weeks of the seven weeks we'd been dating, that I started believing that this was going to go somewhere and I wanted her to be my girlfriend. I really began crushing on her hard.

 

Well, she ended up stopping by my place and telling me she thinks we moved too fast, we're too physical too early, and after some time thinking about it, she doesn't see a future together. She started to cry and said she's so confused and we broke up.

 

I can't help the timing in that I became interested only after dating her for five weeks and I would have probably done things differently had I known these feelings would develop, but how can I be given a second chance?

 

She broke up with me. Am I the one that has to initiate contact? Any advice?

[Gomes]

Hey buddy I'm in a similar situation. Dated for 2 months than she breaks up out of nowhere saying she doesn't want a relationship so i left and it's been three days no contact and she blocked me on social media and stuff. I feel ur pain

[d0nnivain]

Did you ever tell her you were developing feelings? Did she tell you why she doesn't see a future?

 

 

One of two things is going on:

 

 

1. She only wanted FWB with you & when you developed feelings she wanted out. But that doesn't really square with her statement that you got physical too fast.

 

 

2. She thinks that you only want FWB & because she wanted more she bolted before you would hurt her.

 

 

Try talking to her. Assure her that the physical made things better, not worse & that you respect her. Ask her on a proper date -- pull out all the stops & make it romantic: pick her up, hold the door, slide out her chair, make sure there is candlelight, caress her hand across the table, feed each other dessert etc.

[Wishes23]

Did you ever tell her you were developing feelings? Did she tell you why she doesn't see a future?

 

 

One of two things is going on:

 

 

1. She only wanted FWB with you & when you developed feelings she wanted out. But that doesn't really square with her statement that you got physical too fast.

 

 

2. She thinks that you only want FWB & because she wanted more she bolted before you would hurt her.

 

 

Try talking to her. Assure her that the physical made things better, not worse & that you respect her. Ask her on a proper date -- pull out all the stops & make it romantic: pick her up, hold the door, slide out her chair, make sure there is candlelight, caress her hand across the table, feed each other dessert etc.

 

Thank you for replying! The dates we went on were romantic and we both expressed towards each other that our feelings were growing stronger. I tend to hold my cards close to my chest as I am more comfortable when the person I'm dating is more interested in me than I am in them, so I didn't express much verbally, but my actions were romantic.

 

I think the damage was done when I started to pull away because I was uncomfortable with how rapidly my feelings changed and the role reversal of being more into her than maybe she was into me. So I didn't make as much effort though we would still sleep together as frequently.

 

Her last boyfriend cheated on her and there may be some insecurity there and she may have seen me as losing interest and prioritizing a physical relationship.

 

The main question I have is do I call her? If I do call her, do I bring up any of this or start over from scratch and just ask her out. She's the one that initiated the break up. I think back to the times I've broken up with women and I didn't want them contacting me again, even if there was no negative feelings. I just wanted to move on. But I'm not sure if women are the same in this regard.

 

Is it expected that she'll contact me if she ever wants to hear from me again or is this a case of a woman wants to be pursued and you have to let her know how intentional you are?

[salparadise]

The main question I have is do I call her? If I do call her, do I bring up any of this or start over from scratch and just ask her out. She's the one that initiated the break up. I think back to the times I've broken up with women and I didn't want them contacting me again, even if there was no negative feelings. I just wanted to move on. But I'm not sure if women are the same in this regard.

 

Is it expected that she'll contact me if she ever wants to hear from me again or is this a case of a woman wants to be pursued and you have to let her know how intentional you are?

 

I don't think you're going to arrive at the right answer by trying to generalize how men and women typically feel about breakups and reconciliation. It's how SHE feels and what you can say that will make a difference, assuming she hasn't completely closed the door on possibilities.

 

My suggestion would be to call her and speak from the heart. Tell her how you feel about her and that want her in your life. Yea, I know about pride, fear of rejection and all of that –– it's often an obstacle for both genders.

 

Bottom line is that if you want her back you have to put that pride in a box and take a chance. The worst that could happen is she says no. The best that could happen is she says yes and you rekindle the relationship. Is it worth a try? Of course it is. Just speak truth, from the heart. I hope it all works out for you.

[Wishes23]

Since my ex and I are in the same circle of friends, one of my friends brought her up and said that she wasn't comfortable going to church with me (we only started going to church together once). Her church is much more traditional than mine.

 

I'm surprised she didn't say something about this. So much for thinking I knew why we broke up.