Jordan232323 Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 (In case if you're not familiar with the term, "ghosting" is when you just cut off all communication with someone completely and suddenly) I ghosted my ex back in late 2014. We were together for over 5 years and the relationship was perfect. We loved each other so much and we felt like the happiest couple. However, in 2014 I had a breaking point. I was going through an anxiety phase since 2012 and I had a pretty negative perspective on life. Anyway, in 2014 I had a sudden realization that my life was going nowhere and I was dragging my ex down with me. I was working at A department store at the time making only minimum wage and I was running out of money. I could barely afford to take my ex out anymore. To make matters worse, I had received word that the department store was closing and I was going to loose my job. This was the breaking point. I felt emasculated. No money. No job. Feeling worthless and depressed. I wasn't at risk of loosing my house or anything because I live with two brothers and I honestly didn't pay rent at the time cause I wasn't making much. But still, I felt less of a man and my anxiety issues made them worse. I tried breaking it off with my ex but she made it so hard. After a couple attempts, I decided to just "ghost her. I couldn't go through the emotions of my downfall knowing she was with me. So I had to do the extreme. 2 years later... It's 2017 now and I have changed so much. I read so many books on life and inner peace that completely changed my mindset. I no longer suffer from anxiety or any stress related issues. I have complete control over my brain now and I've trained it to think positively. I'm currently working at a major company making the most money (40k-55k) I've ever made in my life. I even do public speaking at company presentations to the higher ups. I've done so much growing up within the past years and I just learned so much. But now.. I'm realizing the mistake that I made with my ex and I'm missing her. I realize that she is the only one for me. But I now also realize the great deal of pain I caused her. I had broken up with her the worst way possible without even knowing it. I have been trying to talk to her for a couple months but all I've received is a couple messages saying "I hate you" "I don't love you anymore". I expressed my emotions on how I felt about everything. I even got a call from her once at 1 in the morning drunk telling me"f**k you" and also saying "I'm not ok, I won't ever trust another guy because of you". Now it seems like she just blocked me from all communication as I did to her. Social media, phone etc. Does anyone think I have a shot at getting back at her. Any advice helps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I have complete control over my brain now <snip> I've received is a couple messages saying "I hate you" "I don't love you anymore". <snip> "f**k you" Now it seems like she just blocked me from all communication Does anyone think I have a shot at getting back at her. Jordan232323, Did you mean getting back AT her, or getting back WITH her? (Although, I'm thinking that you already have all the evidence you need, to know that you have no shot of getting back WITH her. No shot at all...based on HER own words. Why have you let yourself lose control over your brain on this, to the extent that it cannot/refuses to accurately process her words and actually hear what she's actually been saying to you in the recent exchanges?) If you meant getting back AT her...IMO, anything in that direction is only going to put you in an even lower light and make you look even more desperate than you getting back in touch with her after 2+ years. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I think she's been quite clear in her hatred of you. I think you'd better leave her alone before she reports you for harassment. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Are you kidding? No shot what so ever. Leave the poor girl alone now and you really need to take a good look at yourself and try to figure out why you thought it would be okay to contact her after 2 years and after the way you handled it. To me, ghosting is one of the most cruel things you could possibly do to someone that you know cared about you. Unforgivable IMO. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Seems your still Building your selfworth on money, what about next time something happens (layoff, companybankrupt, society crisis\whatever) because no One of us Can Be sure about that all we should have trust in is our ability to survive no matter what and Be creative when needed but never giving up on the One we love, just My thoughts Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I meant to say if she took you back, and something changed would you dump her Again? Or would you Be sure never ever no circumstances but death to never do something like that Again? I dont know your girlfriend or if she is no angel but assuming she put you Above everything and would listen and adjust to your every concern would you do the same for her? For the sake of your relationship, no matter what would you Try to solve it and Make her happy with the situation, afterall a man should Be there for his woman to protect and love her:) Link to post Share on other sites
Marco Valerio Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Leave the poor girl alone. She's not your private grocery store, where you can come and go whenever you want. You can't pretend to treat her that ****ty, and then just pop up in her life. That's a BIG NO!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Im sorry this girl has no intention of being with you.....its not i want you to chase me game playing its f.... you stay away or ill castrate you type of anger....the window has closed been boarded up and condemned......your opportunity left when you ghosted her.....move on and its a hard lesson....you maybe will be more thoughtful next time...and be a man and end things properly....real men dont ghost......deb Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 No, you have no shot with her. Really. Leave her alone now. Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Just like everyone already said, leave her alone. I can only imagine how much that messed her up. I'm not surprised that she now has major trust issues because of you. (And not just with you, but probably with people in general) Forget about her, learn from your mistakes, and find a new girl. There's always a (small) chance she might come back one day, but there's nothing you can do to make that happen.... and you shouldn't get your hopes up after the way you "broke up" with her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 (In case if you're not familiar with the term, "ghosting" is when you just cut off all communication with someone completely and suddenly) I ghosted my ex back in late 2014. We were together for over 5 years and the relationship was perfect. We loved each other so much and we felt like the happiest couple. However, in 2014 I had a breaking point. I was going through an anxiety phase since 2012 and I had a pretty negative perspective on life. Anyway, in 2014 I had a sudden realization that my life was going nowhere and I was dragging my ex down with me. I was working at A department store at the time making only minimum wage and I was running out of money. I could barely afford to take my ex out anymore. To make matters worse, I had received word that the department store was closing and I was going to loose my job. This was the breaking point. I felt emasculated. No money. No job. Feeling worthless and depressed. I wasn't at risk of loosing my house or anything because I live with two brothers and I honestly didn't pay rent at the time cause I wasn't making much. But still, I felt less of a man and my anxiety issues made them worse. I tried breaking it off with my ex but she made it so hard. After a couple attempts, I decided to just "ghost her. I couldn't go through the emotions of my downfall knowing she was with me. So I had to do the extreme. 2 years later... It's 2017 now and I have changed so much. I read so many books on life and inner peace that completely changed my mindset. I no longer suffer from anxiety or any stress related issues. I have complete control over my brain now and I've trained it to think positively. I'm currently working at a major company making the most money (40k-55k) I've ever made in my life. I even do public speaking at company presentations to the higher ups. I've done so much growing up within the past years and I just learned so much. But now.. I'm realizing the mistake that I made with my ex and I'm missing her. I realize that she is the only one for me. But I now also realize the great deal of pain I caused her. I had broken up with her the worst way possible without even knowing it. I have been trying to talk to her for a couple months but all I've received is a couple messages saying "I hate you" "I don't love you anymore". I expressed my emotions on how I felt about everything. I even got a call from her once at 1 in the morning drunk telling me"f**k you" and also saying "I'm not ok, I won't ever trust another guy because of you". Now it seems like she just blocked me from all communication as I did to her. Social media, phone etc. Does anyone think I have a shot at getting back at her. Any advice helps. The opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy. I'm not saying that you have a shot at getting her back but it's better than if she showed no emotion at all. I'll agree with the others to say that you really screwed the pooch on this one. It was a selfish move and it really hurt her for no reason. When tough times befall a relationship it is up to you to communicate with your partner and face it TOGETHER. This is something that seems to escape most dumpers - they just reach a point and say "screw it". Often, when they don't find someone better, they think "S/he was the one! I really screwed up and want her back!". What happens if you do get her and fall on tough times again? Will you dump her? Or from the other angle, what would have happened if you met someone else? Would she still be as important? I don't think there is much you can do but I'll throw something out there which may or may not help. Write her a letter explaining why you did what you did and how much you have grown as a person and grown to regret the decision. Explain that you are the scum of the Earth but you want to let her know the door is open if she is able to forgive you. Then never contact her again. She may toss it in the trash. She may decide to reach out. But the ball is in her court if you do and even now that you've reached out already. Honestly, if you were able to manage getting her back she likely would never trust you again then end up dumping you. I don't believe it would take you two years to realize how great she was. You should have known that all along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrPlop Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Depression? anxiety? no buddy you just felt the pressure and decided to bail out instead of relying on each other. You think you've changed now? Maybe you just got money now, but who says you won't do the same under pressure again. Link to post Share on other sites
randall Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 Sounds like the most important factor in ghosting her was your ego. You weren't earning much and you felt emasculated. What she wanted didn't factor into it at all. What you did was extremely selfish and rude. You should leave her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 I have been trying to talk to her for a couple months but all I've received is a couple messages saying "I hate you" "I don't love you anymore". I expressed my emotions on how I felt about everything. I even got a call from her once at 1 in the morning drunk telling me"f**k you" and also saying "I'm not ok, I won't ever trust another guy because of you". Now it seems like she just blocked me from all communication as I did to her. Social media, phone etc. It doesn't get any clearer than this and it appears as though she really means it. This is not happening. Start over with someone new. A 5 year relationship and you ghost her? No sir. Let this one go. Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Posted March 1, 2017 Share Posted March 1, 2017 One post and the threadstarter disappeared. Thread closed. ~6 Link to post Share on other sites
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