Alanadpookiep Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 (edited) Okay, I know what most people are going to say in regards to morality and such, so if you don't mind, can we skip all of that? I've come here for some sound advice, not to have many wrong choices and shortcomings pointed out, since I've already done all of that to myself. Same for the "if he will do it to her he will do it to you" and the like. The story goes like this: A bit over a year ago it was my best friends birthday and she had a hotel room at a nearby casino/resort. We were playing pool at a local bar and she ended up inviting everyone who was there (it was a Tuesday so like 8 or 9 people) back to the room because we had a lot of alcohol and all of our friends didn't show. Five guys came with us. 2 of which left soon after. I ended up on the balcony with one of them (he wasn't a stranger I just didn't know him personally) I gave him my number when he asked. We were pretty drunk and being sleezy, so he took out his junk, (which surprised me)and I turned it down and called him crazy. The next night I was at the bar and he walks in. We ended up leaving together and eventually having sex. It was phenomenal. Sexual chemistry out of this world. Chemistry in general really. We hooked up again a few days later, then a few days after that he picked me up and told me he had proposed to his girlfriend?!? I had no idea there was a gf! We talked about it, and came to the agreement to only do it a few more times. That didn't work.. Honestly, I didn't want it to work. I wanted to make sweet love to him nonstop for as long as I could. (Both him and his fiance lived with their parents for the entire length of this story, like, not together) We ended up fitting eachother in to our schedules as much as possible. Breaking prior plans and then eventually not making other plans in the first place. If we weren't screwing we were hanging out and talking or watching videos online. Just random friendly things. When I realized I was falling in love it was about 8 months in. It made me angry because I wasn't allowed to love him, so I tried to call a quits. I started acting strange and weird (which confused even me). In the end we just continued. I didn't tell him I was in love with him. I didn't want to be the one who "caught feelings" and all that. I didn't want him to pull away or treat me different. This was where it got very hard for me. We argued frequently about stupid things and made up quickly. Only every now and then would we talk about his woman. He told me one day (after I asked him why he cheated on her) that she wasn't very sexual and he was. Basically that she wouldn't put out. I pointed out that if that is so much of a problem for him why was he marrying her? I pointed things like this out numerous times and we still continued on the way we were. The day before our 13 month mark, I informed him I would be telling her about us. He begged me not to, I convinced him to do it himself. He told me he would do it within the next couple days. I ended up going back on what I agreed to and I told her the next night myself, over Facebook messenger. Needless to say, he didn't like that. I figured he wouldn't actually tell her the truth and that the biggest reason was to save himself the shame. This is a small town. They were "single" on Facebook within the hour, and have been since. She is a strong woman full of pride and self awareness. I would bet she won't take him back. The next morning he sent me a text telling me to lose his number. Understandable. I get it. He probably begged for her back too because that is what people do, I get it. Later that evening I sent him a text asking if he blocked me. He responded with "I wish I knew how" I told him he wasn't the only one hurting and he told me "I don't care how you feel. She is hurting the most of all and that's all I'm worried about" Ouch. I haven't texted him since. Its been one week. I'm in agony. Did I mention we attend the same trade school for the same thing so since the semester started back (1 day after the last text) I see him every day all day and can not look at him or talk to him or joke and play with him. I try to avoid him as much as possible but he is around every freakin turn. My question is, after I try to not contact him for a month, what should I say? Should I apologize or just avoid talking about it at all? Should I text or go face to face? Should I invite him to speak at my house with me? I have lost a great friend more than anything, I just want to be able to talk to him again. What do I do? Edited January 22, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 What do I do? Honestly? Just chalk it up to more experience under your belt and another lesson learned - although, yeah...it sucks when they're the difficult lessons what we have to learn in 'the school of hard knocks' . He has said - and he is making it clear through his actions - that he is not interested in pursuing or continuing the relationship with you, not even as only a friendship. I would just trust him on that, and 100% honour his request. Like I said: I know it sucks. Hugs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alanadpookiep Posted January 22, 2017 Author Share Posted January 22, 2017 To be completely real with myself, you're right. Gotta let him go. I will definitely never put myself in this situation again. I don't know what I figured the outcome would be? I hate love. Link to post Share on other sites
RocketQueen Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Hi, After the one month no contact, I would try another one month of no contact and rinse and repeat until you're over him! Everyone makes mistakes, we're all blinded by love or lust at some point. You will be your harshest judge in this situation so you won't get any judgment from me I honestly think you dodged a bullet, if he can whip out his 'junk' (not a term I'm that familiar in the uk ) so freely and early, I'd hazard a guess that he's strayed before. Like the other reply said, chalk it up to experience and try your best to move on, it won't be easy- but you'll get there, take care xx Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 I hate love. lol... that's not love. That's a lot of other stuff. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Just let it go and don't connect him. You did her a big favour by telling her. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Forget this guy. He used you, clearly. You gave him sex but notice he never actually left her, and freaked when you told her? He played you for a fool, OP. Guys like this aren't suddenly going to turn into great partners. You need to stay away from him, for good. He wasn't seeing you because he loved you. Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 (edited) Im interested if you wrecked the relationship due to the fact that you couldn"t get what you wanted or that you wanted to protect the bride...you know... woman to woman? I don't know... sounds like your playing a sly hand in this post... I mean he used you for a year? Played her for a fool? He didn't promise her anything.. The real victim is the bride. Thats the only victim. Best advice is if he wasnt loyal to her... he wasn't going to be loyal to you. Now i hope in your next relationship your not always paranoid someone like you may do the same to you. Edited January 24, 2017 by Sweetfish Link to post Share on other sites
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