Wave Rider Posted November 26, 2016 Share Posted November 26, 2016 My last girlfriend and I broke up over a year and a half ago. I had threatened to end the relationship, and we had decided to keep going, but then she ended it. Since then, I've talked to her a couple times, and I expressed some regret for how things went, and asked if she'd like to go to a baseball game or do something. She has rejected all my invitations. I ran into her today at Costco. We talked for awhile, and I was surprised at how friendly and interested she seemed. All the old good chemistry came back, and she said a couple times that I looked good, and she couldn't take her eyes off me. We had a "runner-chaser" relationship, where she was the runner and I was the chaser. Anytime I pursued her, she would run away. But when I would give up and withdraw, then she'd chase me and suddenly come closer. Then as soon as I started pursuing, she'd run away again. I feel inclined to do something, like ask if she wants to get together, but my intuition is that if I make any attempt at pursing her, she'll run away again, even if she still has feelings for me. I feel like maybe there's potential there if she still likes me, which she seems to, because I've made some major changes in my "chaser" habits, and some time has passed since our relationship. But I don't want her to run away again as soon as I start to pursue her. Any ideas? Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted November 26, 2016 Share Posted November 26, 2016 Sounds unhealthy Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 26, 2016 Share Posted November 26, 2016 The dynamic you describe won't lead to a healthy, lasting relationship. Unless she has also worked on herself, and dug deep to figure out why she runs from you, it won't work. You'll find yourself back in the same boat, the only difference being that you're not chasing her when she runs. But I can nearly guarantee you she will still run again. I've been where you are, with a runner, and it's emotionally exhausting. Think of it like this: how many successful relationships do you know that sound like yous did? Link to post Share on other sites
staggerlee71 Posted November 26, 2016 Share Posted November 26, 2016 Is called a push-pull dynamic...super unhealthy. I lived it Id rather have you stick bamboo under my fingernails than date a women like that again. Godspeed!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wave Rider Posted November 26, 2016 Author Share Posted November 26, 2016 (edited) Unless she has also worked on herself, and dug deep to figure out why she runs from you, it won't work. You'll find yourself back in the same boat, the only difference being that you're not chasing her when she runs. But I can nearly guarantee you she will still run again. I've been where you are, with a runner, and it's emotionally exhausting. Yeah, I know. I have done quite a bit of work on myself to understand why I chase unavailable women, and I don't really chase anymore. So if she hasn't done any work to understand why she runs, then she's going to run again. I guess it's worth finding out if she has, but I know it's unlikely that she has, given than runners rarely have the motivation to understand their urge to run. Chasers want a close relationship, so we have some incentive to work through our problems to get that, but since runners are trying to avoid a close relationship, the don't have a lot of motivation to try to work through their problems to get a close relationship. But sometimes people do decide they're tired of being along and become willing to make changes. I'm not counting on it, though. Edited November 26, 2016 by Wave Rider Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wave Rider Posted November 27, 2016 Author Share Posted November 27, 2016 (edited) Yeah, I think she's still a runner, in spite of whatever good intentions she has. Damn. I have one more card to play. We'll see what happens. Edited November 27, 2016 by Wave Rider Link to post Share on other sites
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