Are these signs from my ex?

[Wooloo]

Hey everyone, this is going to be a long one but I could really do with an outside opinion on this. So me and my ex were only together for 6 months and she broke it off because she felt her feelings weren’t there anymore and on kind of a snap decision. It was a complete shock to me especially with the way she told me and to be really honest it took a few days for my emotions to sink in really and realise how much it hurt. 4 months later I still have occasional days where I get a little upset but I think the main reason I haven’t been able to move on entirely is because she keeps popping up back into my life in ways that confuse me.

 

After we first broke up I went NC for just over a month then tried texting her a bit. I told myself it was to keep friendly lines of communication open especially since we have a lot of mutual friends and I work with her housemates but if I’m being honest it was more to see if she had changed her mind (foolish I know!). We messaged each other a little but I usually had to initiate and whilst she agreed to meetup I was a bit of an emotional mess, not realising how much I hadn’t healed by this point.

 

After that I went full NC again, we saw each other at parties or social gatherings but never really spoke. Fast forward to a month ago and we both attend a work colleague's leaving party (I posted a little about this before). Now the fact she was there on her own was weird enough (she isn’t friends with many of the people there) but throughout the night she was being quite flirty with me. Now she’s a shy girl with some communication problems but she was touching my arm and back, congratulated me on my new job, spoke of old memories, asked about playing a new game with me and even checked I still had her number! She also moved into conversations I was in multiple times and after I messaged her to make sure she left alright (no one saw her leave at 2am) she replied back with a goodnight text with xx’s.

 

At the time I put this mostly down to the drink (she was a little tipsy) and I never followed up on any of this. To me it wasn’t direct enough that she wanted to talk and I definitely didn't want to hurt myself by contacting her only to be shrugged off. But the last month I can’t help but feel there’s been signs from others that she wants to talk or see me. Her best friend (who I work with) has been asking a lot about my dating life and her other housemate only last weekend invited me to their house for a party (which was weird because other than the 3 and my ex who live there only 5 other people were invited with me being one of them).

 

Overall a handful of weird events really which I might be completely interpreting wrong! I’ve asked friends but I’ve had mixed opinions - some think this might be my ex’s way of reaching out or at the very least her friends trying to get us back together and some think it's coincidence and I’m reading too much into it. Any opinions or suggestions from you guys are welcome, I just feel very confused about all this.

[smackie9]

Just talk to her about it directly.....then you can get your answer if she is just friend zoning you or she is serious about rekindling the relationship. If it's bs then you can finally close this chapter in your life and move on.

[Miss Clavel]

^^^^^

 

hasn't she got your phone number? she knows just about everything about you, how to contact you, where you live and where you work.

 

if she's a grown up and she wants something from you, she knows where to find you.

 

and after the break/break up she asked for, i think you'd better let her come to you or she will just hurt you again. she wants to go down memory lane and mug you at the end of the stroll cuz she can't find anyone better than you.

 

that's the chance everyone takes when they are in a relationship and they think they can find someone better, the one they were with, moves on.

 

wait and see. let her come to you. that way you can hear how sure she is that she made a mistake and only wants you.

 

good luck

[lolablue17]

I think it's best for you to stay in that fog as long as you can.

 

She likes you in some way, that's for sure. But it's very tricky, and she might prefer the situation in which, you are pursuing her while she's keeping you only as a boost to her ego.

 

So in this mind game, your life quality depends on your ability to not letting her know you're interested. She might be ok with it, she might lose interest, and she might become desperate to have you back. Either way you're in a win win situation. Don't do anything. Let it be as it is, flow with the wind. Don't initiate, don't change anything. (I know it's not "you", but try to practice on this one)

Edited October 20, 2016 by lolablue17

[Pete2304]

I would say get in touch with her directly. You are obviously relatively young and so you haven't got anything to lose at this stage in your life by taking a chance. What's the worst that can happen? She says no, I genuinely just want us to be friends? In which case you can carry on with moving on and you were getting there by the sounds of it.

 

Don't just wait and wait and then kick yourself if she meets someone else.

You don't have to call her and be full on let's get back together but just ring her and ask if she wants to go for a drink or something. Just something informal and relaxed. Better to have taken the chance than sit wondering.

 

Best of luck.

[Wooloo]

Thanks everyone for their input! As we can see there's definitely a divide in opinion and I really wish I had a gut feeling here to decide but I simply don't. The fact that she confuses me tells me I should probably leave it for now. I would love it if we could get back together but it has to be right. As encouraging signs as they are none are direct and on a lot of reflection I think deep down I would need her to be direct for me to have the confidence we could actually work things out. Other than a couple snapchats (no idea if they were just sent to me or not but they weren't very personal) she hasn’t initiated a text or phone call in the time we’ve been apart.

 

It might not be realistic because I know it took her a long time to realise I was interested when we first started dating and her anxiety means it took even longer for her to open up with me. But I wouldn’t feel confident in a relationship where I need to initiate the contact again especially when it wasn’t me who pulled the plug on us before. I’m in a pretty happy place in life now with a new job, more confidence and a generally better outlook on life and being back with her would be amazing but only if she truly wants to be with me as well and I’m just not sure if these signs are enough evidence of that.

 

Does that sound fair and respectful to everyone? I feel this is my best course of action but if you’ve got any comments or suggestions please feel free to tell me. It’s still very confusing!