Should I give my relationship a chance?

[Elsie_Banana]

Hi everyone. I'm a new member here and I would like your advise on something. I hope I am posting in the right thread.

 

I have been dating this guy for over 2 years now. We met through our friend and from the moment we met we got along so well. He really loves me and cares about me. He is honestly the most kind, loyal, best boyfriend I have ever had. But I'm currently facing an issue with him and would like to know what you think.

 

The problem is, even though he is older than me by 2 years, he never had a stable job or a career unlike me. Most men around his age would have a decent job by now but not him. I'm also starting to find out he is not very ambitious at life and cannot stick to his goals which is very annoying for me because as his partner, I want nothing but the best for him but because he doesn't put in the effort he never achieves anything.

 

He recently got made redundant from his part-time job, and at first I supported him through this tough time. We both agreed due to his age it was time for him to move on and find a full-time job anyway. This was 2 months ago and he still doesn't have a new job. At times I ask him how his day was and he tells me he reads, cleans the house, cooks etc. but he hardly touches on what he is doing in terms of job hunting and if I ever do ask it seems like a sensitive topic to him he shuts me down.

 

He also got an interview but he declined the job because it's not what he wanted to do as his career and he is set on this mindset where he wants his next job to be something to further develop his skills he studied for. I understand where he is coming from but at the same time it annoys me how a man his age is unemployed for 2 months now.

 

This worries me so much. Just to correct myself, I'm not the sort of person to dump someone because they don't have a job. The problem I have here is it feels like he is not putting in the effort or the sacrifice he should be doing because not everyone gets that perfect job and at times, you have to work towards it by working somewhere else.

 

I also want your advise on this whether I am thinking too much about this or not, but if he is like this with jobs it worries me what kind of future I will have with him. He cannot stick to his goals in life and he seems to always go the opposite direction every time I try and encourage him. He is also VERY BAD at saving money to the point where he couldn't attend my work party because he couldn't afford to buy a good shirt.

 

I feel like because of him, my life is slowing down. I wanted us to rent a place together about 1 year ago but because of his job, he can't afford to do so. I want us travel places once a year, but once again, because of his money issue, we can't.

 

I really love him, and I do believe he is trying to change for the better but he is finding it difficult to put into action. Do you think it's best we go our separate ways? Or should I stick with him a while and see where he ends up? Should I talk to him properly and tell him my side of the story? It breaks my heart even thinking of the possibility of breaking up with him but I feel like because his life is not stable, he is slowing me down and that we want different things in life. Has anyone ever experienced a similar story like me? I really need your help.

[PegNosePete]

Honestly I would split up with him.

 

He is very, very unlikely to change. He will hold you back, and you will resent him for your unhappiness, missing life's opportunities, missing out on your youth, and growing old before your time. Your resentment towards him will grow and grow and eventually you'll have enough and split up. But by then it will be too late, your youth will be gone.

[Lois_Griffin]

I really love him, and I do believe he is trying to change for the better but he is finding it difficult to put into action.

LOL. No he's not. He's not doing a damned THING to improve his lot in life.

 

Whose supporting this guy while he housecleans and cooks his day away? I'm assuming there's an adult whose supporting him because he apparently doesn't think he needs to be the one to do it. Is it his mother?

 

Seriously OP. You're wasting your time on an irresponsible man-child.

[benpom]

Lack of ambition can be cause by lack of self-esteem. It gets into a viscous cycle. Lack of success and lack of self-esteem fuel each other. He needs to break the cycle. Attend school, like a community college or tech center for a short-term to get a nurse/IT/etc certificate? This is a quick way to boost knowledge and get into a decent career track. Once career gets on track, things will spiral up.