Trying to get my Ex Boyfriend Back Using NC

[LostandConfused3]

Hi everyone,

 

I have recently gone through a breakup and have found a lot of comfort in reading success stories about others people getting their ex back using no contact. I decided that I wanted to start blogging on here as well, in order to get advice and to help me cope with my situation. Here's my story:

 

My boyfriend and I have just broken up two weeks ago, after being together for almost 8 1/2 years. We have been together since we were 14 years old and we are 22 now. We have broken up a few times in the past (when we were in high school, over stupid things) but it would only last a couple of days, if even that. I have just recently graduated college and will be starting a graduate program next month. Initially, we talked about marriage. He would become wishy washy at times though and we ultimately decided we weren't ready. We were planning on moving in together though, as I will have to move for the program. The past couple of months, he has been acting distant and cold towards me. He has been very depressed because he hasn't gone to college and works a minimum wage job. He has become distressed because he doesn't know what he wants to do with his life and it has made him very unhappy. His cousin also just passed away, which took a huge toll on him. I tried everything to cheer him up, but nothing worked. I think I ended up pushing him away more because I think he interpreted it as me nagging him and being demanding. When he broke up with me almost two weeks ago, he told me he needed to "do something for himself for once" and that he "needed to find himself." He said he felt pressured to move and that he was starting to resent me. He said it had nothing to do with how much he loved me.

 

I accepted the breakup gracefully. Initially I told him that I thought it was silly to give up on something so special, and that we had such an incredible bond. I didn't cry or beg though. We hugged and kissed goodbye and he began to tear up. I immediately went into NC. About 9 days after the break up, I posted a Facebook status that I found an apartment. He then proceeded to post a status RIGHT after I posted mine, saying that "it's crazy how all things work themselves out." I then tweeted (which I know was stupid): "way to be super petty." He then texted me the next day saying, "congrats on finding an apartment. I'm not sure if your tweet was about me, but I wanted to reach out and let you know I wasn't trying to be petty, but that I just saw all these great things happening to you and its motivating me to do things for myself too." My post was more about your side. You will always be a huge part of my life. I think we should still keep our distance still, but I just wanted to make that clear."

 

I think this was a "test the waters" text, but I'm not exactly sure. He basically admitted to looking at my social media, even though he was hardly ever on before. He also changed his profile picture for the first time in YEARS, which I thought was interesting and wished my grandma a happy birthday on Facebook, which he never does either. I think he's trying to get my attention because he's upset I haven't tried to beg for him back and that I haven't responded to his texts.

 

I miss him so much and I really think he's battling with a lot internally right now. I think he feels that because he can't figure out what he wants that he shouldn't be going with me and that he's dragging me down.

 

I guess I'm just posting this to get it off my chest. I'm hoping as I continue NC that he will get out of this funk he's in or whatever. I mean, WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER SINCE WE WERE 14. It's so hard to believe this is the end.

 

I miss my best friend.

[GorillaTheater]

1) Getting an ex back isn't the point of NC.

2) You aren't NC, anyways.

 

 

I hope you two get back together, really, but playing games probably won't get you where you want to be.

[LostandConfused3]

I understand that the point of NC is to work on yourself, which I have been, trust me. I'm not trying to play mind games in any way. I'm trying to give him the space he OBVIOUSLY needs, since he says he wants to "find himself." And how am I not in NC when I haven't talked to him since we broke up.

 

Please, no rude comments. I am going through a lot and don't need it.

[DKT3]

Let go and move on. The two of you are heading in different directions. The things you two have in common now will change. He feels pressure and will start to resent you, you will feel like he is holding you back.

 

Go grow, if its meant to be it will be.

[ExpatInItaly]

I understand that the point of NC is to work on yourself, which I have been, trust me. I'm not trying to play mind games in any way. I'm trying to give him the space he OBVIOUSLY needs, since he says he wants to "find himself." And how am I not in NC when I haven't talked to him since we broke up.

 

Please, no rude comments. I am going through a lot and don't need it.

 

Because you're still watching his social media activity and trying to get his attention that way, too. No Contact generally also means you no longer have each other on your social media accounts and do not observe what the other is doing.

 

I would let go of this completely and begin a new chapter in your life. I say that because you two, from the sounds of it, have never really dated anyone else. You were more or less still kids when you got together and probably could benefit from some time apart to forge your own identities as adults. Let the chips fall where they may - it's natural to wonder who else is out there for you. That's not to say you won't reunite someday, but now isn't the time for it.

[Densel]

I understand that the point of NC is to work on yourself, which I have been, trust me. I'm not trying to play mind games in any way. I'm trying to give him the space he OBVIOUSLY needs, since he says he wants to "find himself." And how am I not in NC when I haven't talked to him since we broke up.

 

Please, no rude comments. I am going through a lot and don't need it.

 

You are playing mind games when you tweeted.

It shows that you are affected by what he is saying/doing.

 

The earlier you stop doing all this, the earlier your healing process starts.

[Bialy]

You need to let it go. You're playing passive-aggressive games.

 

If you want to truly find yourself and show yourself that you can grow during this time apart, you NEED to do the following:

 

****REMOVE HIM from social media --- ALL of them. Yes, it sucks, but you'll get over it with time.

 

****ENJOY your summer. Hang out with friends, fill your days with activities. Go hiking, biking, swimming, BE ACTIVE.

 

He's NOT going to miss you or WONDER about you if you're doing the same old things. He'll just think of you as the petty ex without anything going on in her life.

 

NO CONTACT.