She wants me back, but I am in a relationship now.

[ohbother]

Ex and I were in a relationships for 2.5 years and broke up with me 2.5 years ago. It was a rocky break up, but only because both of us were not 100% with the break up. She wanted to be a single college woman, as for as I am concerned she has not been in a relationship since.

 

I am not currently in another relationship for 1.5 years with a woman I love. However I never really got over my ex. Lets say I 90% wasn't over my ex at the start of the new relationship and lets say now I am 10% not over my ex.

 

My current girlfriend is smart, confident, shares the same political and religious views, however in terms of entertainment we almost have nothing in common and have a hard time finding stuff for us to do that we both enjoy.

 

Even though I think my ex and my current girlfriend are both beautiful, I have always been much more attracted to my ex and, to me at least, she has always been the most beautiful woman in the world to me. We have the same humor as each other and we have similar interest in entertainment. However she doesn't share the same political and religious views and is pretty insecure.

 

I feel so confused here. I really do want to try again with my ex to see if she has matured and is a much better person now, however that risk isn't worth losing my current relationship I feel.

 

I think I need to let me current relationship take its course before I consider trying with my ex again, but then she could be taken. I do not know what to do.

[Zahara]

This is what happens when you don't resolve the past and jump into a new relationship -- because you do it for all the wrong reasons.

 

You need your current relationship to take it's course? It's been 1.5 years! At this point I think you're just settling.

 

End it with your current. It's unfair to her that you are still pining for an ex while she's emotionally invested and believing you're fully committed. It's selfish. If the roles were reversed, how would you feel if your current GF presented this scenario to you?

 

Stay single for awhile, and then with emotional and mental clarity -- date. If you want to pursue your ex then, go ahead. Don't be the monkey that won't let go of the branch until it's securely holding another.

Edited July 25, 2016 by Zahara

[gaig]

I feel so confused here. I really do want to try again with my ex to see if she has matured and is a much better person now, however that risk isn't worth losing my current relationship I feel.

 

I would be very disappointed if a girl did that to me. It's pathetic.

You are going to break her heart no matter how you do it, but better now than later.

 

Also, would be helpful if you describe how has your ex declared she wants you back

[Densel]

Please let us know how you know that your ex wants you back.

[justanickname]

This is what happens when you don't resolve the past and jump into a new relationship -- because you do it for all the wrong reasons.

 

 

End it with your current. It's unfair to her that you are still pining for an ex while she's emotionally invested and believing you're fully committed. It's selfish. If the roles were reversed, how would you feel if your current GF presented this scenario to you?

 

Stay single for awhile, and then with emotional and mental clarity -- date. If you want to pursue your ex then, go ahead. Don't be the monkey that won't let go of the branch until it's securely holding another.

 

That above. Could not agree more.

[Bialy]

Zahara has given you great advice.

 

Don't settle and coast through life - don't live with "what ifs..."

 

If you want to pursue your ex and are excited about the possibility, have a conversation with her. Where does she see her life going in the next 5 years? Is it a scenario that you envision yourself in? Where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?

 

I think your ex was very smart to take time off from a relationship while she was a college student, by the way. I think too many people try to force and maintain a relationship during those transformative years that they don't have time to grow individually.

[stillafool]

Break up with your current gf. If you don't you ex will be constantly on your mind and you will start comparing the two which you already are. Don't be a coward, let her go and go back and explore life with your ex.

[SevenCity]

Before you make any rash decisions about breaking up with your current gf, have a talk with your ex. You may find that your 10% not over her is unfounded.

 

If you feel it is not, then you should break up with your gf and pursue your ex.

 

What has changed with you / your ex that makes you feel it would be successful this time?

[bighearted]

Here's what's going to happen:

 

1. You're going to end it with your current "smart, confident," etc, girlfriend and probably crush her.

2. You're going to get back with your ex who is "missing you" and probably desires you BECAUSE you are with someone else.

3. Your ex, who you have gotten back with, will start to feel the same feelings that made her leave you the first time. In the meantime, your current girlfriend will be pining over you and in extreme pain.

4. Your ex will then break up with you a second time.

5. You will feel like an idiot, miss your current girlfriend, and try to get her back. At this point she probably has almost, or has gotten over you, and she's gone.

[MrWhite]

After 2.5 years, she is most likely a much different person from what you remember and hope she will be.